Premier League results:
Aston Villa 3-2 QPR
Southampton 3-1 Liverpool
Stoke 0-0 West Brom
Swansea 0-2 Arsenal
Result: Villa 3-2 QPR
GOAL! Celtic 4-3 Aberdeen (Samaras)
Samaras wins it with an overhead kick in the last minute. Mildly dramatic then.
Southampton 3-1 Liverpool
Swansea 0-2 Arsenal
Stoke 0-0 West Brom
Five added minutes at Villa Park: Paul Lambert is not happy.
GOAL! Swansea 0-2 Arsenal (Gervinho)
Arsenal have wrapped it up. "You'll look like a hipster Dr. Tony Hill from Wire in the Blood traveling with your belongings in Tesco Bags," says Rob in Brooklyn. I'll have to Google that, it better be good.
Cazorla has a long-shot – not for the first time this afternoon – but it's well side. Sorry, wide. Wide to the side.
GOAL! Celtic 3-3 Aberdeen (Hooper)
I suppose this is why Celtic are going to win the league, they were 3-1 down but have strolled back into the game.
"I'm guessing you travel light, Tom, but what's your packing strategy?" asks Simon McMahon. "Are you a meticulous planner, checklists being ticked off etc (say, Jose Mourinho) or a last minute, throw it all in a carrier bag type (say, Kevin Keegan)?" Simon, I don't even have a bag yet. I'll get a couple of plastic ones down Tesco.
De Guzman puts a free-kick into the side-netting, but Swansea have had very few clean cut chances against Arsenal.
GOAL! Villa 3-2 QPR (Benteke 81)
Weimann skips past Samba, crosses and Benteke applies the finish, his 17th goal of the season. Michu is definitely the buy of the season but Benteke isn't far off.
Wolves 2-1 Bristol City (Doyle)
Wolves have turned the game round in couple of minutes.
GOAL! Southampton 3-1 Liverpool (Rodriguez)
Rodriguez meanders forward – and no one bothers to tackle him. Not the opposition, not his team-mates, not the fans. No one.
GOAL! Wolves 1-1 Bristol City (Ebanks-Blake)
Ebanks-Blake equalises in the Championship's basement clash. He chests a cross down, turns and slams the ball home
Despite that goal, QPR are still four points from safety, and Villa four points clear – see the live league table here.
GOAL! Swansea 0-1 Arsenal (Monreal)
A horribly scuffed shot by Monreal but it puts them within panting distance of the Champions League places. Liverpool are being easily contained by Southampton.
GOAL! Villa 2-2 QPR (Townsend)
It's the Townsend-Jenas show again! Meanwhile ...
"I just realised that Mauricio Ponchettino is wearing jeans," says Mathew George. "Not important but maybe original. Had you noticed?" He's not quite Jogi Low, but he's getting there.
GOAL! Celtic 2-3 Aberdeen (Mulgrew)
Celtic are fighting back, a deflected Charlie Mulgrew shot puts them back in the game.
Talking of Stoke ... they nearly concede. Begovic has to come out quickly to clear. At Villa Park, Lowton nearly makes it 3-1 to the home side.
"It's almost like Pulis doesn't want to keep his job," says Joshua Reynolds. "He makes a change at halftime and puts on...Dean Whitehead." Next he'll be putting Michael Owen on.
GOAL! Celtic 1-3 Aberdeen (Macgennis)
It looks like Macgennis has made the game safe for Celtic. Rangers will be sure they can make a late surge for the title n... Oh.
GOAL! Villa 2-1 QPR (Weimann)
Weimann had another chance a couple of minutes earlier, but he scores this time. He picks up a loose ball in the area, shoots and Cesar dives over the ball.
Lukaku has another chance for West Brom but he can't connect clearly with a header from six-yards or so out yet. There have been a couple of decent chances in the second-half, making it 874 times more exciting than the first.
Aberdeen are leading 2-1 against Celtic at Parkhead, while Cazorla attempts a curling shot past Vorm but the keeper saves.
No clear chances at Southampton yet, but we do have some thoughts on the home side. "I find Southampton refreshingly brave in their approach more than 'gung-ho,'" says Moses Muchapirei. "There seems to be a misconception in England that defending is done in your own 18 yard box. His Espanyol team were defensively competent by pressing high and 'defending the ball' rather than 'defending their goal'.I find it's more dangerous to invite a team like Liverpool with Suarez, Coutinho, Gerrard and Sturridge into your box."
"Lucas on for Joe Allen at Southampton and about time too - let's see if that makes a difference to Liverpool," says Jonny Mac.
And West Brom have the better of the (very) early stages of the second period against Stoke. Lukaku heads over from 15 yards.
Arsenal start the second-half with a shot from Diaby but it sails over the bar in the rough direction of Mercury.
"I really don't understand why the new Southampton manager, is so stubbornly gung-ho," says Robin White. "Whilst I agree with the broad basics of his approach - surely common sense dictates at 2-0 with most of the first half behind you that you reduce your attacking, keep the full-backs back and not let yourself get caught by a counter-attack which puts Liverpool right back in the game?"
Some Scottish news from Simon McMahon: "Talk about bad planning. Off on holiday TOMORROW?! You'll miss the Dundee derby at Tannadice, Tom, when the world famous Dundee United FC will be extending their run of victories over their doomed neighbours to 175. In other news Celtic led Aberdeen 1-0 after 13 seconds but have been pegged back and its Inverness 1 Ross County 1 in the Highland derby."
Half time scores
Aston Villa 1-1 QPR
Southampton 2-1 Liverpool
Swansea 0-0 Arsenal
Stoke 0-0 West Brom
GOAL! Aston Villa 1-1 QPR (Agbonlahor 45)
QPR revert to the team they were a month ago. They stand and watch as a cross comes over, which Agbonlahor converts smartly.
GOAL! Southampton 2-1 Liverpool (Coutinho)
Sturridge's shot is blocked and Coutinho follows up with the rebound. With Southampton's excuse for a defence, Liverpool always had a remote chance of getting back into this. But I would say that now, wouldn't I?
Oxlade-Chamberlain hits the bar for the second time today. Swansea have dominated possession but Arsenal have had the better chances.
Remy has a good chance for QPR against Villa. Coutinho has a sixteenth of a chance for Liverpool, but ... well, you can guess what happened based on his team's performance today.
Liverpool are showing absolutely no signs of improvement, they look very shoddy indeed. "Grab a copy of Shehan Karunatilaka's Chinaman for your holidays! The definitive novel about contemporary Sri Lanka and the best novel about cricket, to boot," says Harry Tuttle. "You probably already know this!" I do, my colleague Andy Bull tried to give me a copy yesterday but I already said I had two big books to read on holiday. Two big books is my limit. He looked genuinely upset.
Bad/good news for Aston Villa/QPR. Maybe:
You can see how today's goals have affected the league tables here. "Liverpool fans should be delighted to know that Nuri Sahin has just scored for Dortmund (and Lewandowski’s bagged two more) before half time," says Steve from NYC. "So yeah, have some of that, FC Freiburg! (Don’t you just HATE FC Freiburg?) Also, as you prepare for your holiday, you should be aware that Sri Lanka is a land of contrasts." Good, I like a land of contrasts. No doubt it is vibrant and inviting too. And timeless.
GOAL! Southampton 2-0 Liverpool (Lambert)
Lambert hits the lamest free-kick you'll see (or read about) all afternoon but it deflects off Sturridge and trickles past the wrongfooted Jones.
A chance! In a game involving Stoke! Foster stands and stares as the ball whistles past his right-hand post.
GOAL! Wolves 0-1 Bristol City (Davis og)
A goal that sums up Wolves's season (and last season too for that matter). Davis nutmegs his own keeper.
It's both Theo Walcott and Barry Glendenning's birthdays today. Only one of them has just missed a chance against Swansea.
GOAL! Aston Villa 0-1 QPR (Jenas)
Jenas's second goal in two league games. Guzan saves well again but Jenas is there to tap in the rebound. QPR are going to stay up, aren't they?
"If Mr Stoander is right, I hope the new Pope did take his name from Saint
Francis of Assisi and not Unsaintly Francis of Benali," says Gary Naylor. Only one of those Francises owns a delicious curryhouse though. Baker has had to go off after that collision with Samba.
"I'm expecting a lot from the Arsenal Lite v Barcelona Lite game (aka Swansea v Arsenal)," says Prateek Chadha. "But, I suspect that the football hipsters are as well, and that means that its certain to be a poor game." It's pretty poor if you're an Arsenal fan at the moment.
Baker attempts to take on Samba in an aerial battle. Guess who comes off worse? He should be OK to continue though. Another good chance for Swansea against Arsenal, but the shot goes wide of the post. Southampton continue to dominate Liverpool.
Angel Rangel is through on goal against Arsenal but he slices his shot horribly. "Are the smoke bombs leftover from the kickabout in the Sistine chapel?," asks Claus Stroander. "They only used the black ones and the only white one they had."
Another chance for QPR: Samba is denied by two excellent saves by Guzan. At Southampton, Lambert has an excellent chance to make it 2-0 but shoots straight at Jones. The Liverpool resurgence may have ended.
Early chances for both sides at Villa Park. The best is for QPR: Remy crosses for Zamora, who heads wide.
GOAL! Southampton 1-0 Liverpool (Schneiderlin 4)
Schneiderlin gets Saints off to an excellent start. There may be a few more of those smoke bombs from the Liverpool fans.
And Arsenal go up the other end and nearly score! Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain thumps the bar.
Nathan Dyer is in a decent position but Arsenal defend well. Yep, that's right: Arsenal defend well.
"Hmmm, some lovely players in that Liverpool front six, but you have to think that Gerrard is going to need to make a lot of tackles," says Matt Dony. "Maybe it'll all work out well (to be fair, it's gone well recently) but I don't remember the last time I was actually confident going into a game." Against Coventry in May 1990?
Some mild excitement in Southampton:
"Let me get this straight," says JR in Illinois. "Not only are you attending to personal business while you are at work but you haven't yet sorted out your travel for your holiday which begins tomorrow? Also, c'mon Baggies, how about beating those nasty Potters for once!?" My maverick streak doesn't end there either, I had a Snickers before lunchtime today. This is living on the edge.
Here's today's match report from Everton's victory over Man City. Man City really should have had a penalty before Everton scored their second.
A few early results: Rangers have beaten Elgin 1-0, and Huddersfield have beaten Leeds 2-1.
Swansea v Arsenal teams:
Swansea: Vorm, Rangel, Williams, Monk, Davies, Dyer, Britton,
de Guzman, Ki, Hernandez, Michu. Subs: Tremmel, Bartley, Lamah,
Routledge, Shechter, Moore, Tiendalli.
Arsenal: Fabianski, Jenkinson, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal,
Arteta, Diaby, Walcott, Cazorla, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Giroud.
Subs: Szczesny, Vermaelen, Rosicky, Ramsey, Coquelin, Gervinho,
... And Everton have beaten Man City 2-0. You can probably cash in your bets for Man Utd to win the title now. And Everton are only four points off the Champions League places too. Albeit having played a game more than their rivals.
Stoke: Begovic, Shotton, Shawcross, Wilson, Cameron, Jerome, Whelan, Nzonzi, Etherington, Walters, Crouch. Subs: Sorensen, Jones, Owen, Adam, Whitehead, Kightly, Wilkinson.
West Brom: Foster, Jones, McAuley, Olsson, Ridgewell, Thomas, Yacob, Morrison, Mulumbu, Brunt, Lukaku. Subs: Myhill, Popov, Rosenberg, Long, Odemwingie, Tamas, Fortune.
"Hell Tom," says Stuart Turton. I think he meant 'hello' but judging by the following email, maybe he didn't. "I was in Sri Lanka three weeks ago. It rained. Leeches made a buffet of me and then a gecko fell in my curry. As a Liverpool fan, I think there's some sort of metaphor in all that but I can't quite get there. Enjoy your holiday.
"Incidentally, the trains are slow, hot, loud, crowded and uncomfortable - even the first class ones that go north. If there's a few of you, just hire a driver and a van to take you. Just make sure the seats are actually bolted to the van. Sometimes they're not... what a country!"
Maybe I'll just go to Blackpool, they're playing Blackburn and Palace next week.
Arsène Wenger said the likes of Wojciech Szczesny and Thomas Vermaelen would have to work hard to get back into the Arsenal team. Obviously they didn't work hard enough because neither is starting today.
Aston Villa v QPR: Seeing as a Villa win these days is hard to come by, Paul Lambert hasn't changed the team from the XI that beat Reading last week. For QPR, Julio Cesar - recovered from a dead leg (a resurrected leg?) – replaces Rob Green, while Jermaine Jenas is in for Junior Hoilett.
Aston Villa: Guzan, Lowton, Vlaar, Clark, Baker, Sylla, Westwood, Bannan, Weimann, Benteke, Agbonlahor. Subs: Given, N'Zogbia, Holman, Bowery, Dawkins, Bennett, Carruthers.
QPR: Julio Cesar, Bosingwa, Samba, Hill, Da Silva, Park, Mbia, Jenas, Remy, Zamora, Townsend. Subs: Murphy, Taarabt, Wright-Phillips, Mackie, Granero, Onuoha, Hoilett.
Apologies for any errors, which will be down to a) my incompetence and b) my attempts to book train tickets in Sri Lanka. Which is my way of letting you (but mostly myself) that I'm off on holiday tomorrow. Did I mention I'm off on holiday tomorrow?
Afternoon, out 3pm the kick-offs are:
Southampton v Liverpool
Stoke City v West Bromwich Albion
Aston Villa v QPR
Swansea City v Arsenal
And, we've got the Saints and Liverpool teams in already. Pepe Reina is out for Liverpool with a thigh strain.
Southampton: Boruc, Clyne, Yoshida, Hooiveld, Shaw, Schneiderlin, Cork, Lallana (c), Ramírez, Rodriguez, Lambert. Subs: K Davis, Fonte, S. Davis, Forren, Ward-Prowse, Guly, Puncheon.
Liverpool: Jones, Johnson, Enrique, Agger, Skrtel, Allen, Gerrard, Downing, Coutinho, Sturridge, Suarez. Subs: Gulacsi, Wisdom, Henderson, Shelvey, Lucas, Suso, Ibe.