FULL TIME: Real Madrid 2-1 Juventus
That's yet another close game between these two giants of European football. Real made a meal of it against ten men, but that's a first win for them against Juve for a while, and three wins out of three in this group. They're shoo-ins for the second round. Juve should qualify too if they keep playing like this, though they'll have to sort out the hot rushes of blood. Giorgio Chiellini wants to think on. Still, the return in Turin should be tough to call. As games between these two always are.
90 min +2: Real keep giving the ball away cheaply. They've been a total shambles in the second half. But a result's a result.
90 min +1: That's the first of them out of the way without incident.
90 min: There will be three added minutes.
89 min: Vidal brings down a looping pass with his arm. He should probably be booked for that, but once again he gets away with a transgression. What an evening of clowning he's had. What a performance.
88 min: Corner for Real down the left. It's cleared easily by Caceres. Asamoah looks to break down the left, but he's barged in the back by Ramos, who is booked for his sauce. Ramos has the good grace to look slightly embarrassed as he receives his punishment.
87 min: Morata cuts inside from the left, and looks to curl one into the top right. He overcooks it. Real have been bloody awful since the sending off. Good luck against Barcelona at the weekend if they carry on like this.
86 min: Pogba rakes a ball down the inside-right channel, but Marchisio, in space in the Real area, can't bring the ball down. It flies out for a goal kick. Two decent chances within 60 seconds or so, both spurned in the hopeless fashion.
85 min: Giovinco is set clear into the Real area down the left, chasing a long skelp upfield! He's one on one with Casillas, but the angle's slightly tight, and he ends up taking one touch too many. Eventually he's surrounded by white shirts, and the ball clanks off his shin.
83 min: Modric, leaning back, 30 yards out, curls a speculative effort miles right. Speculative is polite, I've not been dragged up.
82 min: A period of sterile possession for Real Madrid.
80 min: Morata comes on for Di Maria. He's immediately taking a shot at goal from the edge of the Juve area, the away defence lining up to take turns in failing to clear a high ball. Buffon is behind it all the way.
79 min: Giovinco has been very lively since he's come on. He one-twos with Tevez down the inside-left channel, and gets his heels clipped by Modric. Modric is booked for the foul, and Caceres is booked for asking Modric to be booked for the foul. Juve have been their own worst enemy tonight.
77 min: Pepe jumps on a loose ball in the middle of the park and makes off for the Juve box. He slides the ball to the right for Bale, who whips a fairly aimless low cross into the side netting.
75 min: Marcelo, fed by Ronaldo, cuts in from the right and blooters a hopeless shot over the bar, aiming for the top left. Nope!
74 min: A free kick to Juve, 30 yards out, just to the right of goal. Casillas wants a wall constructed, but Real's players are above that. Giovinco sails a speculative effort just over the bar. Steam parps out of Casillas's lid, Goalkeeper as designed by Morphy Richards.
73 min: Khedira jinks beautifully through a sea of yellow shirts down the inside-right channel, breaking into the box. He's done all the hard work with an intricate dribble, but tries to cheekily chip Buffon from a tight-ish angle. The keeper plucks the ball out of the sky with ill-disguised disgust. A waste.
72 min: Illarramendi is replaced by Isco. There's a substitution to warm the heart, and cool the fingers, of MBM hacks around the world.
70 min: Giovinco's first act is to bomb down the right channel and send a daisycutter towards the bottom left. It's probably creeping wide, but Casillas isn't to know that, and so the keeper tips round the post for a corner. The set piece is wasted, but the Bernabeu is pretty quiet all of a sudden, the away side coming back into this.
69 min: Ogbonna is replaced by Giovinco. An attack-minded substitution, Antonio Conte perhaps thinking his side have settled a wee bit at the back.
67 min: Outside of the golf course, I've only seen a divot as big as that once before. Emile Heskey in the 2003 Worthington Cup final for Liverpool against Manchester United, when trying to convert a Michael Owen cross, swinging his leg like a shovel. But that wasn't in Arturo Vidal's league. That really was something else.
65 min: Benzema is hooked in favour of Bale, Carlo Ancelotti presumably deciding that the under-fire Welshman can't do any worse.
62 min: "You'll not see anything more useless than that for some time." Can I take that back, please? I'm taking that back. Vidal bursts into the Juve area down the right, then goes to cross. He swings his right boot at the ball - but takes up a football-sized lump of turf instead, then falls over his legs and onto his face! That's straight out of the slapstick handbook written by Chaplin, Keaton and Lloyd! The size of that divot! He has the chutzpah to claim a penalty, too. That was stunning in its uselessness, and highly enjoyable.
60 min: One of the great misses! Di Maria releases Arbeloa down the right with a clever scoop. Arbeloa reaches the byline and slides the ball into the six-yard box for Benzema. Buffon having come across to narrow the angle, it's a simple tap-in, into an empty net. But the French international shins it over the bar! What glorious haplessness! You'll not see anything more useless than that for some time.
59 min: It's the end of the evening for Pirlo, the bearded genius making way for Asamoah. All four sides of the Bernabeu give one of the game's greats a warm ovation as he departs.
58 min: If they want to avoid a heavy defeat, they'd do well to tell Vidal to calm down. On a booking, he's just come straight through the back of Di Maria down the inside right. That could easily have been a second yellow, but the referee is generous.
56 min: The Real Madrid XI are enjoying the lion's share of possession. Shame about that sending off, because Juve appear to be (understandably) sitting back in the hope of locking things down, soaking up pressure and avoiding a heavy defeat.
53 min: Di Maria sprays a ball towards the left wing for Marcelo. It's six feet in the air and flying at pace, but Marcelo leaps acrobatically to volley it back infield and keep the move alive! That was like something out of Street Fighter. Marcelo = Ken, maybe. Sadly the move breaks down, for if that ended in a goal, it'd have been the best retrieve since Steve McMahon's crowd-bothering chase against Arsenal for Liverpool at Anfield in the 1987/88 season. Spectacular stuff.
51 min: Di Maria caresses a cross into the box from the right and nearly finds Benzema, six yards out. Ogbonna sticks out a leg to deflect out for a corner, a brilliant interception. The corner comes to naught.
50 min: Ronaldo's free kick is hopeless. Juve sacrifice Llorente for Bonucci.
48 min: RED CARD! Juve down to ten!
So much for a dream start to the half for Juve. Ronaldo turns on the jets as he races down the inside right channel. Chiellini is on his shoulder, battling away. He sticks out his right arm and flaps his fingers in Ronaldo's face. Ronaldo goes down like Fernando Torres has been up in his grille. I suppose he's got the right to make the most of it, as Chiellini's given him the opportunity to get something out of this. And get something out of it Real do: it's a straight red. There wasn't much in that, but the bottom line is: more crass stupidity from Giorgio Chiellini.
47 min: Pirlo, from the inside right channel, loops a ball down the middle for Pogba, who breaks clear of what exists of the Real Madrid offside trap! But Casillas is out quickly to deal, punching clear. Pogba was very close to telescoping his leg and prodding past the keeper there. So close to a dream start to the half for the visitors.
And we're off again! No changes at half time, so no Gareth Bale yet. I'm obliged to harp on about Gareth Bale. His relatively inexpensive team-mates get the ball rolling again.
Half-time advertisement break: In smoothly soundtracked celebration of the fine fare Real and Juve have served up so far.
HALF TIME: Real Madrid 2-1 Juventus
Pirlo and Di Maria swap shirts as they walk off. For the love of the lord above. Anyway, a cracking half's entertainment, that. Juve will wonder how they're going off behind. But there's no need for confusion: Giorgio Chiellini is a silly bugger, that's how it's happened. A fine second 45 awaits, though; it's another match between these European giants that, as things stand, is too close to call.
43 min: A break in play as Vidal receives attention to his left leg. The director cuts to Bale, who is stretching on the touchline. Is he coming on after the break? When the game restarts, Khedira goes down, his standing leg having been clattered accidentally by Llorente. It's been a lovely, free-flowing half of football, has this, but it's ending in a scrappy fashion.
41 min: Benzema makes good down the right wing, sent racing clear by Di Maria. Benzema rolls a square ball inside for Ronaldo, who takes a touch to kill the ball on the edge of the area and, with little backlift, slams a low shot inches wide of the right-hand post. What a finish that would have been!
39 min: Tevez flicks a pass down the inside left for Pogba, but Pepe ushers the former Manchester United midfielder out of play. Real have been the dominant force since the penalty, but that's not to say Juventus have completely piped down.
37 min: Marcelo wins a corner down the left. From the set piece, Ronaldo hammers a header straight at Buffon from six yards. The keeper handles brilliantly. It's a free kick to Juve anyway, as Ronaldo had given Berzagli a cheeky shove in the back before meeting the cross. It's been lively, this.
36 min: More strange behaviour from Pirlo, who rattles the back of Khedira's ankles when he's no chance of getting the ball. It's not worthy of a yellow, and indeed he doesn't get one, but what's he up to? There really was no need for that.
34 min: Tevez has a shot from distance. Casillas requires two smothers to gather. Juve have looked potent in attack.
33 min: Corner for Juve down the right. Pirlo fires a low ball across. Ramos backheels clear. Marchisio returns it from the edge of the area, but his shot is deflected by Pepe. However the ball breaks to Pirlo, alone on the right. He's one on one with Casillas, but it's a tight angle and he doesn't have much time to react, so the ball's wanged high and wide right. A very decent chance spurned by a player who uncharacteristically suffered a rush of blood.
31 min: Ronaldo races down the inside left channel with extreme prejudice. Juventus are backtracking in the panicked fashion. Ronaldo slides the ball across to Di Maria, haring down the other channel and free. But Di Maria doesn't enter the area with confidence, and takes a bit too long before attempting to get a shot away. That's that, then. Juve were all over the shop, though.
GOAL!!! Real Madrid 2-1 Juventus (Ronaldo pen 28)
Ronaldo skelps the ball into the top left, an unstoppable penalty, even for a top-drawer act such as Buffon. Juve will be kicking themselves to be losing again after playing so well. They should save their energy and kick Chiellini instead, for there was no reason to interfere with Ramos; Buffon was immediately off his line to claim the free kick. Dearie me.
PENALTY TO REAL!
27 min: Modric whips a free kick into the Juve area from the left. At the far post, Sergio Ramos is dragged to the floor by the neck by Chiellini. The referee isn't going to give anything, but the chap behind the goal pipes up. And that's going to be a penalty! The correct decision, though Juve don't see it that way, angered by the hesitation. Vidal is booked for giving it the Rattins.
25 min: Llorente cushions a long blooter down the middle for Pogba, who clatters for goal from 20 yards. The shot is deflected out wide left for a corner, from which Casillas gathers, then drops onto Chiellini's arm. The ball's loose a couple of yards from goal, but the referee blows for handball, rather generously it must be said. Juventus are enjoying the lion's share now.
24 min: Real try to react, though they don't look all that sure of themselves any more. Modric is sent into a pocket of space down the inside right by Ronaldo. He takes a snap shot, but it's always wide right and high.
GOAL!!! Real Madrid 1-1 Juventus (Llorente 22)
Well, they're level now. Caceres sends a stunning looping cross into the area from the right. Pogba, tight by the left-hand post, heads goalwards from a prohibitive angle. It's going in, and Casillas does well simply to keep it out, but he can only parry out a couple of yards, and Llorente is on hand to batter the ball into the net. A deserved equaliser.
20 min: Tevez skates in from the left and looks for the top right. He really isn't far away. On balance, Juventus can count themselves slightly unlucky to be behind. The brilliance of Di Maria and Ronaldo is all that separates them; they've given as good as they've got otherwise.
19 min: Illarramendi is booked for a late clatter on Tevez. The crowd really aren't happy now, especially as Di Maria was just sliding around on his face in front of the Juve area. The home side wanted a free kick, the player having flopped over Ogbonna's extended leg, but it was a dive, and he's lucky the referee saw it as an innocent loss of balance.
17 min: Casillas does well to intercept as Llorente attempts to guide a header down the inside right to release Tevez. The Bernabeu crowd are beginning to whistle and carp. Their team are a goal up with the match not long begun!
16 min: Looks like the away side have recovered from the shock of conceding that early goal. Ramos is forced to hoick Tevez's ball from the right behind for a corner. The ball ends up with Martin Caceres, 20-odd yards out, just to the right of the goal. He takes a wild slash at goal, the ball screwing miles wide left. But Juve are back in this.
15 min: Free kick to Juve, 30 yards out on the right. Pirlo shapes to shoot, but instead rolls it down the right for Marchisio. The ball's hooked across the area from the byline, but hacked clear at the near post. Juve come straight back at Real, though, Tevez cutting in from the right and looking for the top left from 25 yards. It's a decent effort, but always drifting wide.
13 min: Llorente, on the right, sprays a gorgeous diagonal ball towards Pogba, who cuts in from the left and curls a cross towards Llorente, the big striker not the sort to stand around upfield admiring his own work. Casillas comes off his line to bravely punch away, a good decision as Llorente wasn't far away from connecting.
11 min: A bit better by Juve, Pogba jigging down the left and nearly winning a corner. Nearly a corner. Well, yes, but little acorns and all that.
9 min: Modric robs Vidal down the left and nearly breaks free. He's bundled over by the Juve player. Free kick. The ball's shuttled into the middle, where Chiellini crumps into Ronaldo. The goalscorer is sent flying into the air, then lands on his buttocks in the cartoon style. Di Maria floats the free kick to the far post but it's easily clunked clear by Berzagli. This is all Real now, and Juve started so well, too.
7 min: Di Maria puts Chiellini under all sorts of pressure down the Real left. The Juve defender manages to usher the ball out of play for a goal kick, but only just. He looked very nervous there. Real have spent most of the time since the restart knocking it around the back for their own amusement, without particularly going anywhere.
GOAL!!! Real Madrid 1-0 Juventus (Ronaldo 4)
Ronaldo and Marcelo have a look down the left wing, but the door's slammed shut quickly enough. No matter, the ball's shuttled out to the right wing where Khedira plays a square ball inside. Di Maria drifts across the front of the area, dragging three yellow shirts towards him before pinging a little angled pass down the inside right. Ronaldo is set free, and he rounds Buffon on the right before drifting a chip into the empty net. What a start for the group leaders!
2 min: Nothing much happens for the first couple of minutes. Not until Marchisio cuts in from the right and sends a heatseeker towards the top right. Casillas is forced to extend himself full length, turning a shot destined for the net around the post for a corner. Nothing comes from the set piece, but that's a fine start for the away side.
The cast and crew are out and about! Real Madrid are in their customary merengue clobber, while Juventus are bedecked in brash yellow tops and blue kex. The mangling of Handel parps out of the speakers. And we're off! Juve get the ball rolling, and soon lose it.
Cast and crew
Real Madrid: Casillas, Arbeloa, Sergio Ramos, Pepe, Marcelo, Khedira, Illarramendi, Di Maria, Modric, Ronaldo, Benzema.
Subs: Diego Lopez, Varane, Fabio Coentrao, Bale, Carvajal, Morata, Isco.
Juventus: Buffon, Caceres, Barzagli, Chiellini, Ogbonna, Vidal, Pirlo, Pogba, Tevez, Llorente, Marchisio.
Subs: Storari, Giovinco, Peluso, Bonucci, Padoin, Asamoah, Isla.
Referee: Manuel Grafe (Germany)
Anyone got any cigarette papers? Chuck them over here, will you, because it's been a bugger of a job finding any space between these two famous clubs in Europe's premier competition.
Here's their first meeting, in the European Cup, all those years ago. It's Valentine's Day 1962, and Alfredo di Stefano falls in love with Turin, his late goal giving Real Madrid a 1-0 victory over Juventus. At this point in time, Real have only ever lost one tie in the European Cup, to Barcelona in the 1960/61 season. And they'd never, ever lost a match at home. Oh look, here comes Omar Sivori! A week later, the reigning European Footballer of the Year put an end to that run.
A play-off in Paris would be required. Sivori didn't fancy flying much, so Juve took a train to the French capital, but snow delayed them on their journey and they only just made it in time for kick off. Knackered, jiggered and paggered, they fell behind to a Felo goal within a minute. But though Sivori dragged them back into it on 33 minutes, Madrid eased clear in the second half, Luis Del Sol scoring on 65 minutes, Justo Tejada adding a third on 82. Still, it had taken 262 minutes of a 270-minute affair to make the result certain.
Real did for Juve again in the 1986/87 tournament, but only on penalties after Emilio Butragueno and Antonio Cabrini had secured 1-0 home wins for their teams. In 1996, Juventus overturned a 1-0 away defeat to Raul FC, Alessandro del Piero and Michele Padovano the heroes in a 2-0 quarter-final win, Juve on their way to their second title. Two years later, Predrag Mijatovic was the difference as Real won the final in Amsterdam, the beginning of Madrid's second imperial phase.
Juve have had the better of it lately, though. They progressed to the final in 2003 thanks to a 4-3 aggregate win in the semis, and edged past Madrid two years later in the round of 16, too, 2-1 after extra time, Marcelo Zayleta the late, late hero. And the last time these two met, in the 2008/09 groups, Juve won both matches, 2-1 at home, 2-0 in the Bernabeu, and topped the group to boot.
So Real probably owe them one, and hello, they're hot favourites to win here tonight. Beginning their never-ending search for a tenth European Cup, they've started out with a 6-1 win at Galatasaray, and followed it up with a 4-0 win over Copenhagen. They've won their last three matches, and have a squad so rich in talent they can afford to embellish it with a Tom Hanks tribute act.
Juve on the other hand, despite the best efforts of Fabio Quagliarella, have been held 1-1 in Denmark and only drew 2-2 at home with the Turks. They've just lost their first game of the season, a 4-2 humiliation at bitter rivals Fiorentina, a two-goal lead evaporating in 14 stunning second-half minutes. And though they've come out on top in the last three Champions League campaigns they've been paired with Real, Juve's overall record in Spain doesn't inspire: they've lost on 12 of their 19 visits.
So if history is to be our guide, expect this match to end in a close win for Real Madrid, a close win for Juventus, or an it's-statistically-about-that-time 7-0 thrashing for either side. No need to thank us, we're here to help.
Kick off: 8.45pm in Madrid, 7.45pm for those of us stuck in Blighty.