Jose Mourinho shakes hands with Fatih Terim and then marches off down the tunnel. He'll know his side have more or less wrapped this tie up. They've got to go to Istanbul but barring one of the all-time collapses, their place in the last four is assured. Real never had to get out of second gear tonight because Galatasaray's defence was always liable to gift them something. Thanks for reading and emailing. Bye.
Full-time: Real Madrid 3-0 Galatasaray
That's your lot!
90 min+2: It's a fractious end to the game and Modric is the latest to be booked for delaying a free-kick.
90 min+1: Drogba's free-kick deflects off the wall and over the bar.
90 min: Sergio Ramos will miss the second leg for kicking the ball away after a dive from Eboue had earned Galatasaray a free-kick around 25 yards out.
88 min: Drogba has been booked. "So Xabi Alonso makes Matt Dony ache inside?" says Simon Frank. "I'll resist the opportunity to scold him after he dissed me in Saturday's clockwatch to inform you all that Xavi Hernández makes me go all Uncle Monty inside."
87 min: "Thinking of Riera's conversion into whatever it is he now does on the pitch, I wonder if there is an argument for a Joy of Six of great converted players," says Ian Copestake. "Just wondering."
You mean like Joey Barton converting himself into a philosopher?
86 min: Real replace Di Maria with Pepe. It'll be a challenge for him to get booked in the time left.
84 min: Essien and Xabi Alonso have both been booked, Essien for a bodycheck on Amrabat and Alonso for too much chat.
83 min: Amrabat replaces Riera. I don't think Sneijder was particularly impressive in the first half and his refusal to work sufficiently when Galatasaray were defending was costly, but they've not really been the same side since his removal at half-time. Maybe the change was to bring off one of the strikers?
82 min: Modric tries to make an immediate impact with a shot from the edge of the area but there's no repeat of his Old Trafford heroics. Muslera saves easily.
81 min: Inan dodges a couple of challenges and hits a dipping shot that Lopez does well to hold as it bounced up right in front of him.
80 min: Mesut Ozil off, Luka Modric on. Not bad. "In the parlance of our times, this ref has been a bit pants," says Ian Copestake. Indeed. Real are well worth this lead but Galatasaray will argue they should have had two penalties.
79 min: "The problem is, Ian Copestake, Alonso plays so many beautiful passes that it's impossible for them all to lead to goals," says Matt Dony. "Even with CR7 playing ahead of him. Joe Allen seems like a nice guy and all, but every time the ball is at Alonso's feet, I ache inside."
78 min: Burak will miss the second leg after being booked for a dive. And it's an utterly disgraceful decision because Ramos trod on his foot in the area. That should have been a penalty for Galatasaray, who have replaced Altintop with Umut Bulut.
77 min: Galatasaray's performance tonight sums up why it's possible that people have been reading too much into the absence of any English sides in the last eight.
76 min: Nounkyeu slips as he tries to deal with Di Maria's awkward cross. Eboue, again, has lost Ronaldo, who controls it on his chest and tries to score with an acrobatic volley. Eboue deflects it wide and then decides to have a lie-down.
GOAL! Real Madrid 3-0 Galatasaray (Higuain, 73 min)
But Galatasaray aren't going to escape with a 2-0 defeat and this goal has been coming. Alonso curls in a free-kick from the left and Higuain takes advantage of shocking marking to glance a header into the top-right corner from 12 yards out. Real aren't about to throw it away from here. Game over.
72 min: Galatasaray aren't doing much now. They'll take 2-0. "In reference to Jan Roldanus' comment, I prefer to think of it simply that Wenger couldn't coach the Eboueness out of our Eboue," says Michael Bertin.
71 min: Melo has been booked for, I assume, dissent after Inan brought down Ozil on the right.
70 min: Eboue pokes a pass through to Drogba but he's forced wide and he can't turn it across goal. Eboue should have done better.
66 min: Drogba spins away from his man on the right and whips in a dangerous cross that drifts all the way across the six-yard box. Only needed a touch. Riera hammers it back in from the left but Varane hooks it away. "Di Mario has gone into my bad books for failing to finish off what was a beautiful pass from Alonso," says Ian Copestake. "Alonso is too cool to hold a grudge however. Love that guy."
65 min: Real replace Karim Benzema with Gonzalo Higuain.
64 min: "In some quarters of Istanbul, no doubt, Galatasaray are probably known as Fatih's Fabulous Forwards (all eleven of them, because they couldn't defend their mother's good name)," says Justin Kavanagh. "That FFF, FFF, FFFFFFF sound you're hearing around the Bernabeu is their supporters' reaction."
63 min: Melo drives through the middle and decides to have a shoot from distance. It wonks wide. "If the Galatasaray manager is Fatty Turn, then Jose Mourinho is Big Eg(g)o," says Simon McMahon.
62 min: Alonso picks out a clever run from Di Maria through the middle. No Galatasaray player spots him though and they're let off the hook as Di Maria's tame volley is easily saved by Muslera.
60 min: "He was not 'clutching his stomach'," says Doc Bogus. Yep. "He was clutching his hand close to his stomach because he was stepped on. I feel so embarrassed to be defending an Argentinian player, always a touch operatic, okay (I still remember 1978)..."
Was he? I was looking out for that but I couldn't see where that happened. In any case, I've broken my hand playing football before and it didn't prompt that reaction.
59 min: Ronaldo uses a run by Benzema as a decoy, making space for the shot from 25 yards out. It's straight at Muslera, who can afford to pat it down.
58 min: Riera gets forward from left-back and tries to slip a pass round the side for Drogba but Ramos is alert to the danger.
57 min: This has been a rather forgettable 12 minutes.
53 min: Di Maria is one of the most irritating players of all time. A couple of minutes ago, he went down under a fairly soft challenge in the area from Nounkyeu, who gave him a small shove in the back. Di Maria took this as an invitation to scream with pain and roll around clutching his stomach. A fine player but a ludicrous clown.
52 min: This second half hasn't really started yet.
50 min: I've just realised I haven't mentioned Coentrao once yet. Coentrao. There. "Wonderful to see AW's coaching of the defender/clown Eboué hasn't all been unlearned," says Jan Roldanus.
48 min: "One of Sky whatever's commentators refers to the Galatasaray manager as Fatty Turn, which makes him sound like a character from the Beano," says Ian Copestake.
47 min: Zan's first contribution is to bring down Ronaldo, conceding a free-kick 30 yards from goal. Ronaldo's free-kick flies straight into the wall.
46 min: Wesley Sneijder, who was an irrelevant luxury in the first half, has been replaced by Gokhan Zan. Now Galatasaray might have a way of stopping Real from waltzing through the middle at will. "In some circles, Madrid are affectionately referred to as "Mou's Merciless Meringues," says Shooby Taylor, who claims this is a fact. "If one listens carefully, the ominous mutter-chant "MMM MMM MMM" can sometimes be heard around the Bernabeu."
"I have died a little listening to Owen, Linekar and Shearer," says Ian Copestake. "Tell me a joke, please."
Just saying and everything, but Benzema's challenge was surely just as 'bad' as Nani's.
Graeme Souness's verdict on Emmanuel Eboue, who let Ronaldo go for the first goal and messed up for the second: "He's just not a good defender."
"I think its going to be hard for anyone to beat Real in the CL especially with their counters, that is until Liverpool are back," says Mugu More.
Dortmund already have.
"Frustrated by Wesley's (somewhat understandable) failure to be any where near as good a #10 as Ozil, I've switched over to the hipster game," says Mark Hammond. "You should too. Excellent end to end stuff and not a prima donna in sight."
Half-time: Real Madrid 2-0 Galatasaray
Peep! Peep! Galatasaray haven't disgraced themselves but Real have been clinical in front of goal.
45 min+1: Under a high ball, Drogba outmuscles Ramos - it's not really a contest - but Varane is across to mop up before Drogba can complete the job!
45 min: There will be one minute of the additional stuff.
44 min: You can't say Galatasaray haven't had their chances, because Galatasaray have had their chances. Eboue marauds inside off the right flank and plays a one-two with Drogba, who flicks a cute pass back into the right-back's pass. Eboue continues his run into the area but Lopez deflects his fierce low drive away with his feet.
43 min: "Since Mourinho left Inter Sneijder has been coached by a series of managers who either didn't know how to use him or just didn't want him around at all," says Kari Tulinius. "So it's hard to rate his club effectiveness since 2010. As to whether he had a good World Cup or not, I think it's something of an overreaction to say he had a bad competition. Neither Arjen Robben and Robin van Persie were fully fit and Sneijder was by far the stand out player of the Dutch team. Also, if Robben could have finished his one-on-one chance created by a brilliant Sneijder pass, the Dutch would have lifted the World Cup trophy. He was absolutely dreadful in at Euro 2012, mind you."
42 min: Who's going to take it, then? You know who's going to take it. But Ronaldo's free-kick drops on to the roof of Muslera's net.
40 min: Nounkyeu is booked after bringing down Benzema on the edge of the area, just to the left. Benzema had easily outwitted him and would have been through, so Nounkyeu didn't really have a choice. He'll miss the second leg.
38 min: Altintop drifts a cross to the far post from the right. Inan heads it back across goal, looking for Burak, but it's headed away.
36 min: "Thinking back to those heady nights of Euro 2008, it would be an understatement to say that Fatih Terim's teams play attacking football," says Justin Kavanagh. "Heart-attack football might be closer to the mark. They're not really cut out for the cagey, business end of the Champions League, are they?" No, they haven't really got a clue what they're doing here. They're playing some decent football and could well score tonight, but they haven't got any idea how to stop Real.
35 min: Burak has barely had a sniff but this was a chance. On the right, Drogba pokes the ball past Ramos, whose challenge was feeble to say the least. Drogba pulls a cross back for Burak but his body-shape is all wrong and his volley is skewed well wide.
32 min: You know, it could have been a penalty to Galatasaray just before Benzema's goal. Khedira did appear to handle the ball.
31 min: Now Didier Drogba is down. I've missed that.
GOAL! Real Madrid 2-0 Galatasaray (Benzema, 29 min)
Just as Galatasaray were starting to take control, Real wrestle it back from them. Essien curved in a deep cross from the right and Ronaldo's leap was enough to confuse Kaya and Eboue, who get themselves into a fair old mess. Eboue doesn't react at all and just allows the ball to hit him. It falls to Benzema and he takes a touch before slipping a shot underneath Muslera from six yards out. Terrible defending.
28 min: Inan whips it in and after Melo's header, there are a couple of appeals for a penalty for handballs. We haven't seen a replay.
27 min: Galatasaray are impressive going forward. Eboue steals in behind on the right but his low cross towards Drogba is cut out at the near post. It will be a corner to Galatasaray.
26 min: Neat interplay through midfield from Galatasaray works a shooting opportunity for Drogba. He's around 30 yards from goal and his shot moves awkwardly through the air, meaning that Lopez has to punch it away even though it was straight at him. These modern balls.
24 min: "When did Sneijder become so ineffective and why?" says Mark Hammond. He's an extremely talented player but he's only ever really had one season of sustained excellence - his World Cup in 2010 was also very overrated. He didn't play particularly well and some fortunate goals hid that.
22 min: Real aren't especially intense when they don't have the ball and there's room for Galatasaray to play in. I think Real know they're just going to score more goals.
20 min: Eboue and Kaya are both down after both taking boots to the head, Eboue from Ozil and Kaya from Benzema. Where's a Turkish referee when you need one?
19 min: Essien has to react sharply to turn a cross behind for a corner on the right. Galatasaray take it short and end up being forced back into their own half.
18 min: Galatasaray aren't afraid to shoot from distance. This is their fourth effort from range but they haven't managed to get one on target yet - and Hamit Altintop's shot goes wide. Meanwhile up the other end, Real work another three-on-three situation. Galatasaray will pay for this sooner or later. Ronaldo finds Ozil, who cuts inside and hammers a low shot which Muslera saves.
17 min: This duel between Drogba and Varane is one to watch. Drogba bulldozes his way past Varane on the left but the defender is so quick and manages to halt the Ivorian with a well-timed slide tackle.
15 min: This is such an open game. Which is fun. I said it would be fun. I promised fun. Sneijder shifts the ball on to his left 25 yards goal and rasps one well off-target.
14 min: Real could fill their boots here. With Galatasaray pouring forward, there is so much space for the hosts to exploit on the break. Once again Ronaldo is sent through in a similar position to where he scored the opener but this time Melo denies him with a last-ditch challenge. He had to time that just right or else it was a penalty and a red card. Ronaldo retrieves the ball on the left but his cross drops into Muslera's chest.
12 min: Oh, there are goals in this one and Galtasaray might feel they should be level. Burak cleverly runs over a pass, allowing it to find its way to Drogba on the edge of the area. He has Varane up his back but the old-timer schools the youngster, rolling him as if he wasn't there. He had a clear path to goal and could have rumbled on into the area but instead went for the early shot and blasted it high over with his left foot.
GOAL! Real Madrid 1-0 Galatasaray (Ronaldo, 9 min)
Cristiano Ronaldo scores a goal. And this is news? Ok, it's news. And it was a wonderfully constructed goal. With Galatasaray far too open, Mesut Ozil ghosted in between the lines and slid a sumptuous pass into the left side of the area, where Ronaldo had peeled away from his markers. Through on goal, he waited for Muslera to commit himself and then beat the goalkeeper with a sublime chip. A superb assist and a typically cool finish.
9 min: "Enough about Mourinho, Drogba and Sneijder," says Jeff Woodman. "The game is all about Eboue." I'd love to see a staring contest between Mourinho and Eboue.
8 min: A minor escape for Galatasaray. A pass is knocked over the top towards Ronaldo, who leaves it as he's returning from an offside position. However Kaya thinks he has more time than he actually has, not realising that Benzema was closing him down. Benzema robs possession but he can't find a Real team-mate in the middle.
6 min: "For those of us unable to see the match (and are humbly reliant on you Jacob)...just wondering how offensive (not in the attacking sense) Sergio Ramos has been in the first 5 minutes?" wonders Seamus Devlin. No shenanigans yet. In fact he's just had to react well to stop Burak breaking on to a through-ball.
5 min: I've just realised that Emmanuel Eboue was victorious in his one and only appearance at the Bernabeu. Get in there, Premier League! Number one!
4 min: Galatasaray don't seem ready to sit back and let Real attack for 90 minutes. Felipe Melo, the least mellow footballer of all time, has a shot from range but it flies miles over.
3 min: Real are in the mood. Alonso spanks a brilliant 60 yard pass over the top of Riera from left to right, looking for Di Maria. He takes it down effortlessly and then dinks a cross into the area but Benzema's header goes wide. Muslera wouldn't have been troubled if it had been on target though. There wasn't enough pace on the effort.
2 min: Di Maria diddles inside, outstandingly quick feet taking him past two or three challenges. He shoots from around 25 yards out but it's deflected wide for a throw-in. Unfortunately Real don't have Rory Delap.
1 min: Off we go! Galatasaray get the game underway and they'll be attacking/defending from right to left. Their fans are noisy. Very noisy. And they're spread around all over the place too.
And here come the players. Real Madrid are wearing green tracksuit tops; I don't need to tell you what colour their shirts are. Galatasaray's players are in their red and yellow kits - and look at this, they all have their hands on their chest as the Champions League theme tune blares across the stadium. That's great to see! What dedication to Uefa!
Here's what our man in Madrid has to say for himself. I was fortunate enough to be at the Bernabeu for the game against United. It's a truly magnificent stadium, even if the home fans were fairly quiet.
"Mourinho, eh?" says Simon McMahon. "The Columbo of football managers."
Teams. Disappointingly there's no David Beckham.
Mourinho; Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho; Mourinho, Mourinho; Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho; Mourinho. Subs: Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho, Mourinho Diego Lopez; Essien, Sergio Ramos, Varane, Fabio Coentrao, Alonso, Khedira, Di Maria, Ozil, Ronaldo; Benzema. Subs: Adan, Pepe, Kaka, Marcelo, Arbeloa, Modric, Higuain.
Galatasaray: Muslera; Eboue, Kaya, Nounkeu, Riera; Altintop, Felipe Melo, Sneijder, Inan; Burak Yilmaz, Drogba. Subs: Iscan, Zan, Bulut, Balta, Kurtulus, Amrabat, Sarioglu.
Referee: Svein Oddvar Moen (Haugesund)
Evening. Jose loves Didier, Didier loves Jose, Jose loves Wesley, Wesley loves Jose, Jose can take or leave Real Madrid, Real Madrid can take or leave Jose and at the end of the season, both parties will probably opt for the latter. Tonight will be emotional for Mourinho - though not quite as emotional as the final chapter of his bromance with Marco Materazzi - as he is reunited with two of the key figures in his startling career, Didier Drogba and Wesley Sneijder. Drogba was his star striker at Chelsea and Sneijder the key player in Inter's treble-winning side three years ago, and both players have been speaking glowingly about their former manager ever since Galatasaray were pitted against Real Madrid. These are two proud men, but Mourinho's unique methods inspire devotion in a way no other manager can aspire to. Not even you, Rafa.
Only, it hasn't quite worked out like that in Madrid and perhaps Mourinho, under the surface, will be feeling a bit wistful when he looks at Galatasaray's teamsheet and sees Drogba and Sneijder's names inked on it. It is almost inevitable that his predictably tempestuous time in Spain is coming to an end and while he may yet become the first ever manager to win the Champions League with three different clubs, at the moment is out as to whether he has been a success or a failure.
Somewhere in between and closer to the former, for my money, but so far he has struggled to win over the gargantuan egos in Real's dressing room, while Barcelona have waltzed to the league title this season. On the other hand, Mourinho has got inside Barca's heads, left Pep Guardiola so befuddled that he signed Alexis Sanchez and has won three trophies, all the while flicking Vs at all and sundry. He might yet end this season with two more. Real are already in the final of the Copa del Rey after defenestrating Barcelona at the Nou Camp in their semi-final.
And anyway, Sergio Ramos and Iker Casillas might not be keen, but Mourinho still has Cristiano Ronaldo at his disposal, which kind of renders everything else irrelevant. You end up winning a lot of arguments when Ronaldo is in your team. Leaving aside Cuneyt Cakir, Ronaldo's was the crucial contribution in the last round against Manchester United and he is the joint top scorer in this season's tournament with eight goals. The other men up there with him? Leo Messi, of course, and Galatasaray's Burak Yilmaz. Forget Drogba and Sneijder, Burak has been the man to watch for Fatih Terim's side this season. They've promised they're going to attack tonight and why the hell not?
(Because Real are the best counter-attacking side in the world, that's why. But still. This should be fun.)