West Ham can never have anything nice. They got themselves a brand new Dean Ashton, watched proudly as he was called up by England and then watched in horror as a tackle from Shaun Wright-Phillips ultimately ended his career. In the summer of 2001, they bought David James and he didn't play for them until November, having suffered a knee injury minutes after coming on in an England friendly. They spent £6m on Julien Faubert, a French international, and he snapped his achilles in a pre-season friendly. Kieron Dyer broke his leg in his third match for the club. Matthew Upson limped off on his debut. They signed Carlos Tevez and ended up in court. They signed Javier Mascherano and played Hayden Mullins instead, before signing Nigel Quashie just to make sure.

So Andy Carroll was merely following the example set by all of West Ham's big signings when he picked up a hamstring injury during his debut against Fulham. Luckily the big man's impact had already been felt in a rollicking first half in which he had a hand in two of West Ham's three goals; unfortunately his absence may be felt just as keenly today, for in his place returns Carlton Cole, who has five goals in his last 39 Premier League matches. Which gives the West Ham attack an entirely different complexion.

It should certainly give Norwich encouragement about getting their first win of the season. Life under Chris Hughton got off to the worst possible start on the first day, a crunching 5-0 defeat away to Fulham, but they have improved since then, drawing 1-1 with QPR and Tottenham. They were unlucky not to win both of those matches, only to waste far too many chances, last season's key striker Grant Holt yet to get going. Only two goals scored in three matches paints a worrying picture but Norwich's impressive Leedsian midfield should ensure their strikers get plenty of opportunities to correct that statistic. Especially if Juusi Jaaskelainen has one of those days again.

Team news: There are no shocks from either manager but Anthony Pilkington is out for Norwich, so Andrew Surman starts instead. West Ham are unchanged from the win over Norwich apart from Carlton Cole replacing the injured Andy Carroll. Their new signings, Yossi Benayoun and Matt Jarvis, are on the bench.

Norwich: Ruddy; Martin, Barnett, Bassong, Garrido; Snodgrass, Johnson, Howson, Surman; Holt, Jackson. Subs: Rudd, Turner, Hoolahan, Morison, Tierney, Kane, Fox.

West Ham: Jaaskelainen; Demel, Collins, Reid, O'Brien; Noble, Diame, Nolan; Vaz Te, Cole, Taylor. Subs: Henderson, McCartney, Tomkins, Benayoun, Diarra, Jarvis, Maiga.

Referee: Chris Foy.

Kick-off: 12.45pm.

I have some things I need to get off my chest. Here they are.

1) Yesterday I heard someone say "Do I want to be the kind of person who wears red trousers?" If you need to ask the question, you are already that person.
2) My Saturday has already been ruined my someone stealing the orange juice I had bought for my breakfast.
3) Someone in the office appears to have crept underneath my desk and defaced my trainers.

None of this will do.

Here come the teams, striding out at a sunny Carrow Road. Norwich are in their yellow shirts and green shorts, West Ham are in their claret and blue shirts. And shorts, of course. They're white.

Off we go then. Norwich, attacking from left to right, kick off. It's immediately hoofed forward towards Grant Holt on the right, but the ball runs out for a West Ham goal-kick. An inauspicious start. It can only get better. And indeed it does. Holt releases Jackson down the left with a ball over the top. He cuts inside and dinks a cross to the far post. O'Brien cuts it out.

2 min: An excellent, open start here. Diame surges forward for West Ham, winning a corner on the left. Noble's corner is cleared only as far as Taylor on the edge of the area, Norwich guilty of slackness once the initial danger was dealt with. Taylor smashes a cross-shot across goal that takes a nick off Nolan's head at the far post, the deflection taking it beyond Cole and behind for a goal-kick.

4 min: West Ham have settled well, pinging the ball around confidently in Norwich's half. Crosses from either side from Taylor and Demel are comfortable for the Norwich back four though.

5 min: What an effort from Andrew Surman. From a Norwich throw-in on the left, West Ham fell asleep, Surman bursting into the area and jinking inside Demel and Collins before curling a sumptuous effort inches past the far post. I'm not sure Jaaskelainen was going to reach that. A let-off for West Ham and lovely play from Norwich.

7 min: "I don't understand what problem British men have with red trousers," says Ben Bennett. "It's just another colour; and perhaps our countries refusal to embrace the full pantaloon spectrum is the reason our football is so one-dimensional and pallid. Those europeans love technicolour legs, maybe if we learn to our international team wouldn't be so beige. But if they wear red trousers and a tweed jacket they're probably really posh and kill foxes for the sheer joy, so you might be right." Have you no self-respect at all?

8 min: Jaaskelainen cannot kick. That is all.

9 min: Eddie Munro brings us this on red trousers. The point has been well and truly made.

10 min: West Ham look shaky on the right side of their defence. Jackson slides a pass in behind Demel for Surman, but the right-back recovers to get a crucial toe-end on the ball and send it back to Jaaskelainen. He had to get something on that because Surman would have been clean through on goal. Despite the absence of Pilkington, Norwich are having so much joy down that side.

13 min: West Ham should lead. Diame curved a delicious pass over Garrido and towards Vaz Te, who was in acres of space on the right. It looked like he had taken too long and the chance had gone but having reached the byline, Vaz Te managed to fire the ball across goal, forcing Ruddy to palm it back into the middle of the area. Cole tried to nod the rebound in but couldn't get enough purchase on the header, allowing the covering Martin to clear off the line. But only as far as Taylor ... who dragged his shot wide of the left post with his weaker right foot. This is a very entertaining match. A goal might not be far away.

16 min: Johnson plays a one-two with Snodgrass and is brought down by Noble just outside the D. Norwich have a free-kick in a very inviting position.

17 min: Snodgrass hammers the free-kick into the wall. And then does the same with a follow-up effort. He wins the ball back though - it's all Snodgrass here - and jinks past Taylor on the right and then falls in the area under a challenge from Nolan. The Norwich fans cry for a penalty, Chris Foy says no and a furious Nolan makes his displeasure known to Snodgrass, bellowing hot steam into his face.

19 min: John Ruddy spares Russell Martin's blushes with a fine save to deny Nolan. Joey O'Brien was allowed to wriggle into the area on the left after some terribly indecisive defending from Martin and Nolan's effort from eight yards out was pushed out by Ruddy. It was admittedly quite close to him. Nolan shouldn't have given him a chance. West Ham could and perhaps should be leading 2-0.

20 min: A corner for Norwich on the left. Everyone expects a conventional cross but Norwich unveil something they learned earlier, Snodgrass drilling a low pass towards the near post for Johnson to attack. His shot is blocked by the alert Nolan.

23 min: "Lol, did someone take a dump on your trainers or smth?" says Philip Podolsky. "Think it was a hate crime? Who's the biggest anti-semite prankster on the sports desk?" I've worked out the source. There's something on the seat I was sitting on.

24 min: Carlton Cole has taken out a photographer, falling on top of her after being tackled by Leon Barnett as they raced for a ball over the top. Oh dear. Here's hoping she's ok.

25 min: James Collins tries to score from 35 yards out. Still 0-0.

27 min: Vaz Te collects a loose ball on the edge of the area, and sees a shot from the edge of the area deflected wide for a corner on the right. The corner is headed clear. From which...

28 min: West Ham perform a stunning advert for route-one football by messing about with the ball at the back, trying to look far more clever than they are. Eventually Joey O'Brien clubfoots the ball to Snodgrass, who steams off into the distance but fails to find Holt in the middle, Collins clearing for a corner.

29 min: How on earth did Norwich fail to score here? Somehow West Ham survive after a quite incredible sequence of play. Again they were their own worst enemies, as they failed to clear their lines following the corner. The ball squirted to Snodgrass on the right side of the area and he poked an improvised left-footed effort towards the far post, Jaaskelainen unable to hold the shot. The ball was cleared as far as Barnett, whose low drive was blocked by the massed West Ham defenders. Holt tried his luck. Jaaskelainen saved and was then called into action for a third time, beating Martin's acrobatic volley away.

32 min: Nothing's happened for three minutes now. This won't do.

34 min: Norwich waste another chance. It all came from a simple long ball forward from Ruddy that Reid let drop over his head. Snodgrass managed to touch the ball back to Holt, who placed a first-time effort well wide of the left post from 12 yards out.

36 min: Ruddy makes a smart save from a swerving Diame shot that took a wicked deflection on its way through. He had to hold it too, because Vaz Te was closing in. This is one of the better goalless games you could wish to see.

37 min: The difference between Cole and Carroll has been glaringly obvious today: whereas Carroll terrorised Brede Hangeland two weeks ago, Cole has barely won a header. Given the style West Ham employ, they can't afford for that to happen.

40 min: Norwich are livid after Chris Foy decides a scything challenge from James Collins on Andrew Surman was just outside the area, awarding the home side a free-kick and not the penalty they feel should be theirs. It was a terrible, oafish foul from the clumsy defender, who was far too slow to get out to Surman. The replays show the foul was right on the line. Isn't that a penalty? Still, Norwich won't mind if the free-kick ends in a goal.

41 min: The free-kick does not end in a goal - Johnson hits the wall, Garrido fires well over - and the Norwich fans erupt. West Ham, it's fair to say, have had an almighty let-off there.

44 min: I don't think you can criticise Chris Foy too much for not giving Norwich a penalty though. It was such a tight call, one that only became clear after several replays.

45 min: There will be one more minute of this.

Half time: Norwich 0-0 West Ham. Chris Foy brings an end to an engaging first half. West Ham shaded the first 25 minutes but since then Norwich have been on top and leave the pitch hugely aggrieved not to have been given a penalty for James Collins's foul on Andrew Surman.

A new take on the penalty controversy. Andrew Surman's foot was this far outside the area when he was fouled. No penalty. So well done to Chris Foy. James Collins was booked for the foul though.

46 min: We're back. You're not. You're out in the sun. West Ham are on the attack straight away, Cole's cross clawed away by Ruddy with Taylor lurking. So Norwich respond in kind, a speedy counter ending with Reid clearing Surman's cross from Holt.

48 min: Holt looks a bit off the pace. He's been slow to react to passes and has been regularly beaten to loose balls by Winston Reid. Given his behaviour during the summer and his lack of goals so far this season, it will be interesting to see what the reaction from the Norwich fans will be if this continues.

50 min: Howson sprays a pass out to the left for Jackson, who has a chance to run at the isolated Demel. He cuts inside but his effort is deflected high and wide by Demel. From the corner, Diame leads a West Ham break and looks to release Vaz Te with a ball over the top, but Ruddy is quick off his line and boots it away.

51 min: Jaaskelainen had a shocker in West Ham's last away game at Swansea but he is having a very good game this afternoon. Jackson eludes Collins - a weak link - again and spanks a piledriver towards the top-right corner, only for Jaaskelainen to tip it over at full stretch. That is a superb save.

52 min: Snodgrass cuts inside from the right and drags a low shot wide of the right post with his left foot. It is becoming increasingly clear that his right foot is for standing on and nothing more.

54 min: This is worrying for West Ham: Carlton Cole is limping and trying to stretch out his leg. With Andy Carroll injured, this is not what they need. Although it could mean we catch a glimpse of Modibo Maiga off the bench.

55 min: Johnson makes space for the shot on the edge of the area but his bouncer is straight at Jaaskelainen. Norwich are dominating though. West Ham can't get anything going at all.

57 min: West Ham replace the injured Carlton Cole with Modibo Maiga. They also make a Matt-for-Matt swap, the anonymous Taylor off for Jarvis.

59 min: What a waste from Vaz Te. Nolan releases him a lovely sweeping pass in behind Martin but with Maiga waiting in the middle, Vaz Te's dismal cross lands on the roof of the net. I mean really. That's unacceptably lame.

61 min: Snodgrass curls a free-kick to the far post. Barnett heads it back across goal but Nolan does enough to put Bassong off and his close-range header loops straight into the hands of Jaaskelainen. The atmosphere has gone flat at Carrow Road. This game needs a goal.

63 min: Remember what I was saying about Grant Holt a few minutes ago? A few boos have just rung around Carrow Road after Steve Morison replaced the lively Simeon Jackson.

65 min: Matt Jarvis gets into the game for the first time since coming on but his inswinging cross from the right drifts beyond Maiga and Vaz Te in the middle.

67 min: A lone voice from the crowd: "Referee, you're a disgrace!" This was because Chris Foy wanted Snodgrass to move a free-kick a few yards back. There's no pleasing some people.

68 min: Morison muscles Reid off the ball in an aerial duel and then loops a volley over the bar from 25 yards out.

70 min: Demel clips a cross towards the near post for Nolan and although the ball squirms clear in the middle, there's no one there to take advantage of it.

71 min: This just about sums the game up. Diame produces a lovely moment of skill on the left and then tries to score from a ludicrous angle, the ball screaming high into the crowd. Dear me. Norwich respond by replacing Grant Holt - who is applauded - with the on-loan Tottenham youngster Harry Kane.

74 min: Norwich nearly shoot themselves in the foot. Garrido chucks throw straight to Maiga, who ambles towards the area and then picks out Jarvis, whose shot from 18 yards out is deflected wide for a corner.

76 min: Vaz Te finds Jarvis, who cracks one over from 25 yards out. Most of the shots are coming from this range now. Creativity has been crushed.

79 min: Vaz Te has been rubbish. He dashes down the right flank again but is cross towards Maiga is far too heavy. How long before we see Yossi Benayoun?

80 min: We have reached stalemate.

82 min: Entertain yourself with an excellent goal scored the last time this fixture was played in the league.

85 min: This was almost exquisite from Harry Kane. He cheekily nutmegged Mark Noble, swanned inside and then curled a few yards wide of the right post. That's almost woken up the crowd.

87 min: Yossi Benayoun comes on for his second West Ham debut, replacing Vaz Te. The last time he played for was 13 May 2007. They won 1-0 at Manchester United.

88 min: Noble chips a corner into the area and Collins sends a header wide. In the context of this half, that was close.

90 min: What a chance for Norwich to win it! West Ham were caught horribly exposed at the back after a free-kick, Norwich suddenly finding themselves with a three-on-two break. Snodgrass shifted it to the left for Kane but with a clear sight of goal, he placed his shot too close to Jaaskelainen, who rescues a point for West Ham. There will be three minutes of stoppage time.

90 min+2: Harry Kane looks like one hell of a talent. He drives past a non-existent challenge from Demel and rolls the ball back to Snodgrass. His first touch isn't great but he manages to screw a shot goalwards, O'Brien desperately deflecting it behind for a corner. West Ham are hanging on now.

Full time: Norwich City 0-0 West Ham. And they have hung on. Just about. West Ham will be pleased with their first away point of the season and a third clean sheet in four games. There's the influence of Sam Allardyce. Chris Hughton still hasn't won a match as Norwich manager, although they extend their unbeaten run to three matches. Again they were too wasteful in front of goal: that's been the story of their last three matches and it's something they need to rectify quickly. Thanks for reading. Bye.