Someone should tell West Ham they are in a relegation battle. There is nothing shocking about a football team losing a match. Yet it was the level of West Ham's incompetence that beggared belief, especially in a first half of such staggering negligence that it was a wonder that Newcastle only scored twice.
After the relief of last weekend's victory over Cardiff City, this was a reversion to type from West Ham and defeat plunged them back into the bottom three. For Sam Allardyce, there is no escape from the pressure.
Newcastle, it must be said, were worthy winners and Alan Pardew relished victory against his old club. Yohan Cabaye, the man of the match by a country mile, delivered a masterclass in midfield and Loïc Rémy was a slippery, potent menace in attack. The two Frenchmen scored the goals and Newcastle's superiority was rarely disputed. Yet West Ham were so pathetic that it beggared belief that they can call themselves a Premier League side – perhaps not for long, mind you. Pardew, in a good mood after ending a four-match losing streak, was generous in his assessment that West Ham will stay up.
Once again, the chance to win successive Premier League games for the first time under Allardyce was frittered away and as impressive as Newcastle were, this was as bad as anything West Ham have produced this season.
Although they could point to dreadful misses from Andy Carroll and Carlton Cole in the second half in their desperate search for an equaliser, they were outclassed and well beaten. Disruption to their defence did not help.
Already missing the suspended James Tomkins and the injured Winston Reid, Joey O'Brien and Guy Demel, Allardyce was dealt a further blow when George McCartney, who was supposed to play at right-back, injured his neck on the morning of the match.
It meant that West Ham did not have a fit right-back and Matt Taylor, a left-footed midfielder, was shoehorned into an unfamiliar role. Surely, though, it would have made more sense to play Leo Chambers instead but the 18-year-old was named on the bench.
Recognising West Ham's weakness on the right, Newcastle attacked down that side repeatedly and took the lead after 16 minutes when Yoan Gouffran drifted away from Taylor and nutmegged Mark Noble with a pass to Cabaye, who stepped past a risible challenge from Razvan Rat before caressing a lovely shot beyond Adrián.
West Ham's lack of pace had already been exposed by that point; Rémy only needed to break into a light jog to get away from James Collins and Roger Johnson but his effort was deflected wide after eight minutes.
Cabaye was operating on a different level, running rings around the ponderous West Ham midfield and creating countless chances, and it is crucial that Newcastle do not lose him this month.
"All the managers in the transfer window are nervous," Pardew said. "Like all Premier League clubs, everybody is for sale at some price. But we've got a good team and we'll try to keep it together and push on."
At times, Newcastle were brilliant. They attacked with pace and purpose, but they were guilty of some wasteful finishing too: Gouffran had a smuggled effort cleared off the line by Noble, Cabaye fired inches wide, Rémy was denied and Moussa Sissoko shot too close to Adrián.
A second goal was inevitable, though, and when Taylor failed to deal with Sissoko's cross, Rémy chested the ball down and poked it past Adrián from close range after 34 minutes.
That was the cue for Upton Park's fury to bubble over. West Ham had been abysmal, yet they were gifted a way back into the game just before half-time when Rat's cross reached Carlton Cole and, although his effort was blocked by Tim Krul, the ball rebounded off the striker and then off Mike Williamson, dribbling over the line for a mess of an own goal.
It was a goal that defied logic and it caused Newcastle to lose their way during a frenzied 20-minute spell in the second half when Cole contrived to miss from six yards out from Taylor's cross.
That was the cue for Carroll to come on but when the big man's big moment came with 15 minutes to go, he blew it.
Stewart Downing's cutback from the byline was palmed out by Krul and fell to Carroll, who took stock of the situation, steadied himself, leant back and then blootered the ball into Row Z with the goal gaping.
That drained the life out of West Ham and Cabaye sealed the points for Newcastle with his second goal of the game in stoppage time.
He curled a free-kick over the wall and Adrián could only push the ball on to the inside of the post, and it went in. Allardyce's expression on the touchline said it all. Time is running out.