That is United's fifth defeat at Old Trafford this season. Already. It's only January. David Moyes stalks down the tunnel and as he does, the camera locates Sir Alex Ferguson in the stands. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong. United were mundane in the extreme. But Swansea played very well and deserve their place in the fourth round, with Wayne Routledge and Wilfried Bony taking their goals in some style. Thanks for reading. Bye.
Full-time: Manchester United 1-2 Swansea
Manchester United are out of the FA Cup! Indignity after indignity. Old Trafford boos.
90 min+4: Teams aren't scared any more. Swansea are running down time.
90 min+3: Bony, fed by Pozuelo, should seal it but blasts over from an angle. Pozuelo has been the best player on the pitch. And here is again, setting up Vazquez to curl one wide.
90 min+2: "Personally (as a utd fan) I am embracing these recent mid-table boring football times, in a sick and twisted way," says Daniel Beeler. "A bit like when you have a wobbly tooth... Nice pain, nice pain."
90 min+1: There are four minutes of added time.
GOAL! Manchester United 1-2 Swansea (Bony, 90 min)
Wilfried Bony has surely won it for Swansea! What an excellent goal as well. Fletcher has been hopelessly exposed against Routledge, who whistled past him again and then lifted a cross to the near post, where Bony dashed in front of Evans, flexed his neck muscles and bulleted a header over Lindegaard and in! He did so well to get any power on that as there wasn't much pace on the cross. He had to generate it all himself. On the touchline, Moyes looks glum, wondering where it's all gone wrong.
86 min: "Kagawa was one of the finest in Bundesliga," says Kiran Kulkarni. "It is sad to see him fade. Moyes should stick with him in central attacking role and sign one Makelele type of player. Don't blame Moyes for all the mess. He didn't sell Pogba..He didn't sign Anderson. Did he?" No, but United won the league last season in April and they didn't sign anyone in the summer.
85 min: Routledge speeds past Fletcher on the left and chips a cross into the area. It evades Bony and Evans, flying to De Guzman, who didn't expect it to reach him. If he had been able to control the ball, he would have surely scored from six yards out. With that, Vazquez replaces De Guzman, Laudrup going for it.
82 min: Fletcher has moved to right-back. United try to counter and Chico cynically checks Hernandez, earning a yellow. So does Tiendalli for taking his protests too far. Three of Swansea's back four are on yellow cards.
RED CARD! MANCHESTER UNITED DOWN TO TEN MEN!
80 min: Fabio has been on for all of five minutes and now he's off, having received one of the quicker red cards in history. He flew into a challenge with Canas and raked his studs down the Spaniard's shin. Mike Dean has a think and then brandishes a straight red! Dear oh dear oh dear. He didn't catch Canas that badly - it was a leg-breaker if he did - but it was reckless.
79 min: There is not very much happening. United have misplaced the kitchen sink and Swansea look confident. Suddenly Bony is released by a long pass over the top but his first touch doesn't get the ball out of his feet and Buttner is able to deny him. A better touch there...
76 min: Fabio on, Ferdinand off.
75 min: Fabio is probably going to come on for United, with Smalling moving to centre-back.
74 min: Ferdinand is limping off for more treatment. "Perhaps going out of the cup may not be the worst thing for Utd; one less distraction as we go for 5th, OK then 6th, 7th..." says David Scott.
73 min: Canas just about does enough to stop Kagawa running through on to Welbeck's flick. Close. Meanwhile Ferdinand is down after a collision with Bony. He's hurt his knee.
71 min: "Attack! Attack! Attack, attack, attack!" bellow the United fans. They're getting restless.
69 min: Even basic control seems to be beyond United's players at the moment. Smalling and Kagawa have both let simple passes roll under their feet in the last minute or so. Kagawa has been really disappointing. He's got talent but his contributions are neither decisive nor regular enough.
68 min: What this match needs is for Mike Dean to play a really good advantage. Go on, you've got it in you.
65 min: "His "cross" was even funnier for having been preceded by about five step overs before leathering straight out for a goal kick," says Allan Castle.
64 min: United's free-kick was in a promising position but Cleverley took it. Swansea replace Jonjo Shelvey with Jose Canas.
63 min: Adnan Januzaj replaces Antonio Valencia.
62 min: Flores, grounded, handles in the D. United have a free-kick in a very promising position.
60 min: Kagawa lets a pass get away from him and Bony outmuscles Cleverley in the centre circle before marauding off into the distance and spanking one well wide from 25 yards.
59 min: This is so scrappy. Tiendalli has just shanked what may be the worst cross I've ever seen out of play. He was on the right flank and in his attempt to curl the ball into the area, he kicked it straight out of play for a goal-kick.
57 min: Swansea are the better side. United are increasingly clueless.
55 min: Smalling tumbles in the area with Routledge nearby. On the weights, Chris. "Even when United were at their peak over the years many of the big names preferred other clubs," says Nabeel Younas. "No one decent will fancy coming this January. And if the solution is buying mediocrity (at best) like fellaini, then they might as well not bother. Yet the current crop clearly needs a fresh impetus. In Moyes we trust...? Nahhh."
53 min: United aren't playing like United. They're boring.
52 min: Budweiser.
51 min: "The romance of the FA Cup," says Simon McMahon. "We all like a bit of romance, don't we? When's the draw for the next round? What? Why don't they just draw the whole thing and be done with it? The semi-final draw: Manchester United or Swansea or Chelsea or Stoke or Arsenal or Coventry or Wigan or MK Dons or Southend or Hull v. Stevenage or Everton or Sheffield United or Norwich or Fulham or Blackburn or Manchester City or Bournemouth or Burton or Liverpool."
Think you're being a bit disrespectful there - it's actually the FA Cup with Budweiser.
50 min: Pozuelo again, causing more problems for United. He has the United defence backtracking furiously and after using Bony's run as a decoy, he sees a chance to shoot but drags a firm shot through Evans's legs but wide of the right post from 18 yards. United could do with getting a grip on him.
49 min: Alex P skitters into the United area from the inside-right channel, no midfielder causing him any undue hassle. He tries a one-two with Routledge which doesn't come off but the ball comes back to Routledge, whose fierce drives flies over.
47 min: Pozuelo's first name is Alejandro but BT feel familiar enough with him to call him Alex. The cheek!
46 min: Shall we?
Some of you spotted I wrote full-time instead of half-time. That was me projecting.
When referees play the advantage...
That Mike Dean video, where he's annoyed that Pozuelo didn't make the most of an advantage he'd played, thus denying him some reflected glory, reminds me of an incident in a match between Liverpool and Leeds in January 2000. After a Patrick Berger goal for Liverpool (they won 3-1) the match referee, Mike Reed, was seen allowing himself a little celebration. Much offence was taken but Reed explained the act thusly:
"Vladimir Smicer was fouled in the build-up but still managed to get away and I played an advantage. If you watch the video you'll see than I then went over to Smicer with a knowing look to make sure he was aware of what I'd done. I clenched a fist in front of my shorts in celebration of the fact that I had played an advantage to Liverpool. There's no better feeling for referees than playing an advantage and the ball ending in the net. "I've been accused of being a fan of quite a few teams in the past, but Aston Villa are my only team."
Half-time: Manchester United 1-1 Swansea
Return in 15 minutes for more thrills.
45 min: Jonny Evans pings a diagonal pass over Amat's head and Hernandez tries to Van Persie the ball across Tremmel in spectacular style, but his ambition is not matched by the end result, the ball dribbling well wide. "If Kagawa is the answer, what is the question?" says Brendan.
Which Premier League footballer appeared as an extra in an episode of the Vicar of Dibley?
44 min: Kagawa feeds Buttner on the left but his first cross is an egregious waste of time, hitting the first man. He gets another chance, though, but lofts it beyond everyone waiting at the far post.
43 min: "Obviously, Christopher Dale is too young to remember the halcyon Pre-Murdoch Days (and post-Busby) when dross often served as the ready characterization of Manchester United," says Lou Roper. "More of this service, please."
41 min: Before a United corner, Amat is booked for a foul on Hernandez that I remember taking place around five minutes ago. Perhaps Dean forgot and then remembered.
40 min: Mike Dean, everyone.
38 min: Hernandez chips a disgraceful, straight pass through to Tremmel, aiming for no one in particular. United are painfully short on confidence. They're not enjoying themselves.
37 min: "Who shall we get to fly this imaginary helicopter around Dubai?" "Fire up the Owenbot."
36 min: "Hi. My name's Michael."
35 min: "Watching Michael Owen (the unworthiest of unworthy replacements for Ronaldo) commentate on a United side managed by David Moyes, including Buttner, Cleverley, Valencia, and whose only attacking threat is to pump the ball into the box from wide, is the bleakest I've ever felt as a United fan," says Christopher Dale. "Can't remember when they've offered such little excitement, such little threat, and had such little quality."
Who remembers when Michael Owen made a helicopter trip round Dubai seem like a nice drive around the block?
33 min: Buttner goes for the element of surprise - the initial surprise, of course, being that he was allowed to take it - and skims a low free-kick round the wall but straight at Tremmel.
32 min: United increase the tempo, Valencia flicking a pass to Hernandez, whose attempt to burst past Chico is dealt with in the unceremonious style. United have a free-kick just outside the area, to the right of the D. Buttner will take it. He wants to be Moyes's Baines.
31 min: Tiendalli swings in a cross from the right and Bony, who has some leap on him, isn't too far away from meeting it with his heid.
30 min: De Guzman does better than Shelvey - ie, he got it over the wall - but his free-kick flies straight at Lindegaard.
29 min: Pozuelo wins possession outside the United area and, once again, Cleverley has a pained expression on his face after being penalised. Shelvey isn't being let near this one.
28 min: A lull.
25 min: Did anyone else think Wilfried Bony would be taller? I've felt cheated all season, somehow.
24 min: Shelvey shoots; Shelvey does not score.
23 min: Cleverley concedes a silly free-kick with a needless push off the ball on De Guzman around 25 yards out in a central position. Shelvey and De Guzman fancy it.
22 min: Things Chris Smalling shouldn't try: backheels. Throw-in to Swansea.
20 min: Valencia moves inside from the right, absolutely refusing to use his left foot, and then turns and slides a pass through to Kagawa, who's in. But then he's out, as Flores charges back to deny him just in time.
18 min: That equaliser has lifted United's spirits and now they fancy a quick second. Welbeck kills a pass for Valencia, who thwacks one not too far over with the outside of his right foot - there was no chance of him using his left, was there - from the edge of the area.
GOAL! Manchester United 1-1 Swansea (Hernandez, 16 min)
Well that didn't last long. Swansea fail to heed the earlier warning given to them by Hernandez, who is just so sharp in the six-yard box. Though it's a bit easier if no one bothers marking him - in this case, the dawdling Chico Flores takes the blame, even if he was looking for someone, anyone, who might be kind enough to take the buck off his hands. Buttner crossed from the left - a good cross - and Flores stood still, Hernandez didn't, and the Mexican cushioned the ball past Tremmel from close range.
15 min: That Pozuelo is a very nice player, by the way. You feel there's a lot to come from him and he's already shown some dainty touches in his first season in England.
GOAL! Manchester United 0-1 Swansea (Routledge, 12 min)
Here, there's a shock on the cards! Swansea are in front with a quite magnificent goal, though it must be said it was extremely easy for them to slice open this United defence. Swansea knocked the ball around neatly and confidently in United's half and Bony touched a pass back to Pozuelo, who had the time and space to lob a perfect pass straight through the middle, United's defence all over the place, some of them stepping up and some hanging back. Smalling didn't react quickly enough to Routledge peeling off him and with Lindegaard a few yards off his line, the winger used a bobble to lob the ball deliciously over the keeper. What a finish. So impudent.
11 min: United suddenly spring into life with a fine move. Welbeck quickened the pace with a charge inside and laid the ball off to Kagawa, who touched it back into his path. He knocked it across to Hernandez, right in front of goal, but he took a swing and a miss, a surprise for such a supreme finisher.
9 min: Jonjo Shelvey is being booed, but only in the way the villain might be booed in a pantomime. Really, it's just a way for the United fans to amuse themselves.
8 min: United have the ball in the Swansea net but the flag was up for offside against Smalling, who had started the move by bounding up the right flank like Cafu. What verve!
5 min: Swansea have been the more purposeful side so far, though that's not saying much, and Routledge races down the right before crossing towards Bony. Ferdinand heads behind and from the corner, a loose pass from Routledge, who didn't look, sets Hernandez clear up the United right. He's one on one with Tiendalli as he breaks into the area but his shot is blocked by the Swansea defender.
4 min: Fabio was judged good enough to play at right-back in the 2011 Champions League final. Is he really not a better option there than Christopher Smalling?
3 min: "A lot of handwringing because of the top class talent missing from the lineup in the striking department," begins Allan Castle, giving it to us straight. But wait, there's a comedy twist! "But the relative strength of the squad should still ensure a comfortable victory. And Michu will be back for the later rounds."
2 min: Everyone's banging on about United being out of the title race but what no one realises is that Liverpool will finish fourth and United will finish 11th but win the Champions League, and won't that be fun.
Peep! We have football. We always have football. There is only football and isn't it fantastic. Swansea begin, kicking from right to left.
Before the action, a minute's applause for Eusebio. Here he is being denied the winner for Benfica in the 1968 European Cup final by Manchester United goalkeeper Alex Stepney.
Here come the teams, striding out of the tunnel, led out by Night Fever's Mike Dean. Manchester United are in red shirts and white shorts and Swansea are in Parma kits.
Neil Warnock ponders his next tactical move.
I'd say you don't need me to tell you that the last time Swansea came to Old Trafford, it was Sir Alex Ferguson's final home game in charge, but then I wouldn't be in a job. So I'll say it: the last time Swansea came to Old Trafford, it was Sir Alex Ferguson's final home game in charge and the last time United faced Swansea, it was United's first game. It all looked so promising back then. First match of the season and they won 4-1. Robin van Persie scored twice. Now he's nowhere to be seen and they're being outwitted by Tactics Tim.
Hello again. Good afternoon. Unfortunately the FA Cup is no longer important enough for a proper preamble, so you'll have to make do with this reserve preamble:
That's some weather we're having, isn't that?
Here are the teams. United are without Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie, and comedy's Alex Buttner is playing. Count Laudrup will smell blood.
Man Utd: Lindegaard, Smalling, Ferdinand, Evans, Buttner, Valencia, Fletcher, Cleverley, Kagawa, Welbeck, Hernandez. Subs: De Gea, Anderson, Giggs, Carrick, Fabio Da Silva, Zaha, Januzaj.
Swansea: Tremmel; Tiendalli, Amat, Chico, Taylor; Britton, De Guzman; Pozuelo, Shelvey, Routledge; Bony. Subs: Williams, Cornell, Canas, Rangel, Vazquez, Ben Davies, Donnelly.
Referee: Mike Dean (Wirral)