Full-time: Indonesia XI 0-2 Liverpool
That's your lot! Liverpool have a second win as many pre-season friendlies thanks to goals from Coutinho and Raheem Sterling. Australia next for Liverpool. Thanks for reading. Bye.
90 min: We're into the first of three additional minutes.
GOAL! Indonesia XI 0-2 Liverpool (Sterling, 87 min)
But Liverpool do score from the corner. After the ball is cleared by Wisdom, Jordan Ibe reaches warp speed 5 on the break, bursting past an Indonesia player on the left flank. Suddenly Liverpool have three players running clean through on the goalkeeper and Assaidi unselfishly rolls the ball to Sterling, who can't miss.
87 min: Smoke is now drifting across the pitch and Indonesia have a corner, from which they do not score. "Your a complete twat," says Neil Evans, who needs to work on his grammar.
84 min: Some mild handbags before a Liverpool free-kick can be taken. Some friendly.
82 min: "Arsenal beat this lot 7-0?" says Boba Fettz. "Its only a meaningless friendly and I just might be clutching at straws here."
81 min: Another chance goes begging for Liverpool. Sterling is released by a ball over the top and decides to shoot instead of rolling it across to Borini. His volley blazes into the side-netting.
78 min: Henderson sends a shot into orbit from long range. Just a reminder - Arsenal beat this lot 7-0.
76 min: "You really should be commenting on Sterling's embarrassing hairdo," says Daniel Miller. "He looks like he modelled it on Emeli Sande - the Mesuganah!!"
73 min: Assaidi shows off a couple of nifty stepovers on the left and Ibe hangs at the far post but heads the looping cross over the bar.
72 min: Liverpool hit the bar for the second time. Ibe sidefoots a cross from the right, Borini completely misses his kick and Sterling smashes a volley against the bar from 15 yards out.
68 min: As far as I can tell, Kelly, Sterling, Borini, Skrtel, Wisdom, Assaidi, Henderson and Ibe all came on for Liverpool.
67 min: Sterling helpfully lets me know he's on by blasting wide from 18 yards out.
66 min: A free-kick to Liverpool, around 30 yards from goal. It would be optimistic to shoot but Liverpool are nothing if not optimistic and the effort from Coutinho is beaten away. Moments later, Borini scuffs wide from the edge of the area.
65 min: Indonesia make a change. Liverpool decide to put them in their place with six of their own - all I can tell you is that Iago Aspas went off for Fabio Borini, Martin Skrtel came on for Daniel Agger and then some other people went on and off.
63 min: Once again, Liverpool's defending from the corner isn't too convincing. Once again, though, the header at the near post goes over the bar.
62 min: Robinson is clearly fouled deep on the left but the linesman can't be bothered to lift up his flag because it's only a friendly and Johnson has to hook the ball behind from the resulting cross.
60 min: Robinson has a dig from 25 yards out pushed away. "Jordan Henderson as Liverpool saviour surely must be a minority view," says Lou Roper. "In the event, while he may possess more mobility than Gerrard, I have failed to detect the requisite tackling ability or mental acuity required for this suggested role in his 'contributions' to Liverpool to date. If, though, he were to accept the role (along with Downing) of accompanying 'The Gnasher' to PSG in a deal for GBP 50 million (or more!), I accept the errors of these judgements and make grovelling apology."
58 min: Now it's Coutinho's turn to waste a good chance. He leads a counterattack after an Indonesia corner was cleared, charging at a woefully exposed defence. He waits for support and then turns it to the right to Aspas, hurtling up alongside him. The move slightly loses its momentum but Aspas manages to find Coutinho on his own in the area. He opens up his body, tries to curl one into the far corner with his right foot and the ball flies miles over.
55 min: Let's be generous and put this down to the bobble. Aspas seizes on a terrible backpass, niftily takes the ball round the goalkeeper and then shanks the ball high, wide and as handsome as Mr Twit with the goal gaping. Oh dear. The bobble did make it difficult but I'm not sure the finish had to be quite so bad.
54 min: Nothing is happening. I wonder if the fans at the game will be that bit less fanatical about Liverpool by the end of this match.
51 min: Brendan Rodgers might be looking for more from Aspas and Luis Alberto. It's early days, of course, but apart from Alberto's shot off the bar in the first half, neither player has done much yet.
49 min: A long spell of Liverpool possession ends with Luis Alberto finding Johnson on the overlap but the ball bobbles up as he strikes it and the less said about the resulting cross, the better. You'll struggle to see a worse one.
47 min: "Whilst Lou Roper's argument has some merit, his critique of my argument is flawed for the following reasons a) I agree with him and b) Spain and Barcelona have proved that it is possible to win matches/tournaments/leagues/ without 15 stone midfielders," says Paul Ewart. "LIverpool, however, have not. I'd like us to sign a more physical and dynamic midfielder too, alternatively we could do the unthinkable: drop Gerrard and play Henderson; he offers greater mobility and tactical acumen."
46 min: We're back for the second half. Liverpool have made two substitutions at the break, bringing on Jack Robinson and Courageous Joe Allen for Jose Enrique and Steven Gerrard.
"All the point-and-laugh stuff from the Liverpool club shop is good sport but, going then on to You Tube, I found that there was an advert greeting me for that £15 extra-strong-mint-with-writing-in-the-middle red Liverpool T-shirt so I guess that Liverpool's woeful merchandise is going to follow me around the net for a while, like a bad smell," says Steven Hughes. "Oh, and that poor girl at the start of the MBM was probably just having trauma flashbacks to time wasted while watching Lampard and Gerrard choking England's midfield to death."
Half time: Indonesia XI 0-1 Liverpool
A mundane first half, enlivened by Coutinho's early goal, is brought to an end. As the players walk off, they are informed that they will never do so alone.
45 min+1: One minute of the added stuff. "Unfortunately for Brentan, Paul Ewart's observations re: Barcelona are based on two flawed premises: that Barcelona do not have more than one player who can (and will) win the ball and that Liverpool have players who will not give the ball away if they should happen to have it," says Lou Roper. "Hence, if I may suggest, the respective positions of the two clubs?"
44 min: "I can't help but feet Luis squares should give Liverpool 1 more season to see if we can give him what he want (champions league football)," says Danny Hardy. "We are obviously getting a stronger team and with him in our squad next season then I don't think we will be too far away. I feel he owes us that much after we stuck by him through his troubles." Don't waste your time thinking about it, he'll be off - sad truth is he's too good for Liverpool and needs to be playing in the Champions League.
42 min: From the left, Aspas hoicks a tame effort towards the far post with his left foot. It's going to be saved without fuss by the goalkeeper but suddenly a defender decides to get involved, sticking his head out and deflecting the ball inches past the left post. The corner comes to nothing.
40 min: You have to admire the sincerity of Jim Beglin's observations of what the Indonesians must do to improve.
39 min: Downing expertly drifts a cross behind for a goal-kick. He cost them £20m.
37 min: But now Glen Johnson wins a corner for Liverpool on the right. Exciting! Until Downing takes it.
35 min: Not much has occurred in the last few minutes. Ah well.
31 min: What an effort from Sergio Van Dijk, who hopefully speaks with a terrible cockney accent and tap-dances to his heart's content before retreating to his general practice in the afternoon. He's afforded too much space 25 yards from Liverpool's goal and he accepts the invitation to hammer one on target with his left foot. The ball flies viciously through the air and Mignolet flies acrobatically through the air to push it past his right post. Fingertips in that one.
30 min: Luis Alberto is oh so unlucky here. Aspas finds him on the edge of the area and he deftly sashays past a defender, before cracking a shot on to the top of the bar and away to safety with his right foot. He hadn't done much up until that point but there's a little glimpse of what the Spaniard might bring to the party this season.
27 min: Jose Enrique does well to dig out a cross under severe pressure on the left. Everyone leaves it to everyone else in the six-yard box until Downing steals in and prods an effort goalwards. It spoons off the goalkeeper's chest and he recovers quickly to smother the rebound before Downing can double Liverpool's lead.
26 min: The free-kick is whipped low to the near post but it's deflected wide off an Indonesia player.
25 min: Indonesia win a free-kick right on the edge of the Liverpool area on the left after a foul by Gerrard. He's not happy about it.
23 min: "Despite his drop-off in the last couple of years, I'm still sad that Pepe's leaving," says Tom Barneby. "Having endured the James/Westerveld/Dudek years, a keeper who didn't go to pieces after a decent first season was a stellar treat. He also appeared to bring the squad together and keep everyone mostly happy, so was a lot more important than just a significant improvement on our usual keepers. That notwithstanding, we still look 2 defenders and a tough midfielder light of a European spot team. Not sold on Allen." I reckon they need a bit more than that, especially with Suarez likely to leave.
20 min: A quite startling development: the Indonesian fans are now singing songs in Liverpudlian accents. This is surreal. They must have spent the week watching episodes of Brookside and listening to the Anfield Wrap.
18 min: "Whilst Lou Roper's argument has some merit don't the recent records of Spain and Barcelona give the lie to this argument?" says Paul Ewart. "I notice your email address has changed Jacob. You're no longer a casual, what are you now? A mod? A hipster?" A real boy.
17 min: Downing has a pop from 25 yards. Deflected. Corner. Nothing.
16 min: Steven Gerrard, the master ambassador, gives the Indonesia fans a taste of what it is to watch him on a regular basis by losing the ball in his own half, forcing Kolo Toure to make a fine covering tackle on the right side of the area.
15 min: The corner is defended in ropey fashion from Liverpool. An Indonesia player is allowed to dart to the near post far too easily and flash a header not too far over the bar
14 min: Johnson saunters up the right flank, running on to a pass from Gerrard, but Aspas can't beat the goalkeeper to his low cross into the area. From there, Indonesia counter and Mignolet has to speed off his line to stop a striker reaching a ball over the top. He was through on goal there and Mignolet had to dive at his feet to concede a corner.
12 min: Their year. Mark my words.
GOAL! Indonesia XI 0-1 Liverpool (Coutinho, 10 min)
There's a hint of fortune about this goal but you'd have to say that it was coolly taken by Coutinho, because anything else would be a lie. He cut inside from the left and tried to play a one-two with Aspas on the edge of the area. The pass was cut out by an Indonesia centre-back, who only succeeded in blasting the ball against Coutinho's chest. The ball ricocheted through the gap and Coutinho wriggled in between two defenders before stroking the ball under the goalkeeper with his right foot.
9 min: People in Jakarta singing about Anfield Road. Whatever next?
8 min: Jose Enrique springs up the left flank but his cross to the far post is too close to the Indonesia goalkeeper.
5 min: A bitty start from both sides.
3 min: Everyone in the stadium appears to be wearing a Liverpool shirt.
2 min: "Sigh," sighs Lou Roper. "Even if Allen's 'courage' did not translate into a determination to gift the ball to the opposition regardless of the consequences surely even Brentan can work out the odds on players weighing 12 stone (or 10 in Coutinho's case) getting the ball consistently off those weighing 15? And that does not include a consideration of tackling ability when determining 'courage'. Sorry, sight of the team sheet caused me to forget that this 'fixture' is all about marketing so thanks for the reminder. But is it naive to ask why so little of the merchandise offered on the LFC website is red?"
They wouldn't want to be accused of pro-Liverpool bias.
Peep! Indonesia get the ball rolling. This lot lost 7-0 to Arsenal a few days ago. There are loads of flares in the stands. It is exciting when Stewart Downing's in town.
We have pictures! The Indonesia XI - note that they are not All Stars - are in their red kit and Liverpool are in their horrific away kit. The Indonesian fans are belting out You'll Never Walk Alone.
Brian Cruickshank might be unwell. "Watching The Open here in Canada but those shirts are boss, Steiny. Get with it, man. Where can i get one?"
"While Brentan may have invented Passing (TM, B Rodgers) will he ever work out that a team must win the ball before it can work the Rodgers Magic (TM, B Rodgers)?" says Lou Roper. "If/when Lucas misses a stretch of matches through injury (and who would have written this five seasons ago?), we might resemble a rock descending to the bottom of a pond. At least we're shot of Reina (can Jones be packed off to 'Rafa' as a 'bonus')?"
Lou, Lou, Lou. Salvation is at hand: “Joe Allen is one of the most courageous players I’ve seen."
"Hard Runnin, Sweet Movin, Hot Shootin, Goal Gettin Liverpool." This one's only going to set you back £15.
This one must be glow in the dark.£28! Here's another five-star review. "Good fit I got a XXL as I'm 47cms around the chest fits very nicely, not tight under the arms, I do have a bit of a stomach though still fits comfy. I recommend it 5/5."
This bomber jacket is a bargain at a mere £85! There's one five-star review of the jacket underneath. Here's what Jonathan from Newhall had to say. "Warmer than expected. Perfect to take out on those breezy days. Pockets are comfortable and convenient. Worth the money so glad i bought this. I live in California, ordered it on a monday, received it on a friday so i was happy with the shipping. and now i can rep LFC with style! YNWA."
Warmer than expected?
It's important to note that Ian Rush has already been in Jakarta this year. How the mighty do fall.
A man named Mike emails me this picture of Robbie Fowler, Ian Rush and Didi Hamman getting into the spirit of things in Jakarta. Those may well be the worst shirts of all time.
It emerges that Danny Welbeck had 'Welbz' written on his boots during Manchester United's win over the A-League All Stars today. It wouldn't have happened in Roy Keane's day. Anyway in an effort to remain down with the kidz, your humble MBM reporter has quickly scrawled 'Steiny' on his white converse with permanent marker. A smiley face might have been drawn too.
To my horror, I accidentally managed to watch two seconds of some Gok Wan misery on television this morning. On this farce of a programme, I heard our hero opining that trousers are going to be so hot this year. Well. You can't buy insight like that. What else will be so hot this season? Shoes? Breathing oxygen?
Hello. This summer it's been Jose this, Moyesie that and there's been little chance for Brendan Rodgers to edumacate us about the time he invented passing. A travesty, you'll no doubt agree. He's not even had much to say about the ongoing Luis Suarez saga. Will it be Arsenal? No, it won't be Arsenal, will it. Will it be Real Madrid? Quite possibly. Will it be Stenhousemuir? You wouldn't want to rule it out. But whatever does happen, Suarez - a real warrior of spirit, to quote Rodgers - is extremely unlikely to remain at Liverpool, so this year is a chance for us to discover what a post-Suarez world might be like - definitely calmer, you'd expect.
With Suarez elsewhere, Iago Aspas, procured from Celta Vigo, leads the line against an Indonesia XI, while there's also a start for the former Sevilla winger, Luis Alberto. Interesting times in attack and interesting times at the back: Kolo Toure starts alongside Daniel Agger, reportedly a target for Barcelona while Rodgers, fully aware that Pepe Reina is an accident waiting to happen, has nabbed Simon Mignolet from Sunderland. He starts in goal. Reina is off to join Rafa Benitez at Napoli. Now if they could just persuade him to take Stewart Downing as well...
Liverpool: Mignolet; Johnson, Toure, Agger, Enrique; Lucas, Gerrard; Alberto, Coutinho, Downing; Aspas. Subs from: Jones, Assaidi, Henderson, Spearing, Allen, Borini, Sterling, Kelly, Skrtel, Flanagan, Wisdom, Robinson, Ibe.
Kick-off: 2.30pm BST.
While we wait, here's a video of what Steven Gerrard's presence is doing to the young female population of Jakarta. Naughty Stevie G!