Right, that's it from me. Thanks for your company and your emails. And thanks also to QPR and Fulham for providing such entertaining stuff. Stick around on site for the report and reaction. But, from me, cheerio!
PEEP! PEEP!! PEEEEEEP!!! It's all over. In truth, there wasn't much of a grandstand finish from QPR after the hour.
90+4 min: Riether wins a usefully time-consuming free-kick for the home side. That might be about it.
90+3 min: Karagounis, the little pocket De Niro, helps Berbatov to sneak the ball away from Onuoha. The defender gets back to put, shall we say, robust pressure on the Greece midfielder, who is forced off balance before shanking well wide. He wants a penalty. Nothing doing.
90+2 min: Samba has rumbled up front for QPR.
90+1 min: Hoillett gives away a daft free-kick. From which Senderos gets booked for timewasting.
90 min: QPR free-kick on halfway lumped forward. Repelled by the Fulham defence. Five minutes of stoppage time to play.
88 min: Tick-tock, tick-tock … and Riether gets booked for looking to run down the clock.
87 min: QPR swing in a corner which gets nodded out to the edge of the box. It bounces up at an awkward height and, with every single QPR fan in the away end thinking: 'Please don't shoot. Please don't shoot", Jenas shoots. High into the stands.
86 min: Jenas looks to curl one … but he's a yard wide of Schwarzer's post.
85 min: Hoilett does well to keep possession over on the left, yo-yoing into the Fulham have then coming back to halfway. Eventually it's lofted in by Bosingwa and Schwarzer claims it comfortably.
83 min: Traore, on the receiving end of that Sidwell tackle, hobbles off to be replaced by Jamie Mackie.
82 min: Sidwell's sending off was, in fact, a straight red rather than a second yellow. Reckless, excessive force, you know the drill. "Nothing says "calm, rational, prudent defense" like sending on Emmanuel Frimpong," writes Mike Nichols.
81 min: That substitution is clearly due to the red card, but pretty galling for the former Ajax and Milan Dutch international to only get 40 minutes. Even if he was having something of a mare.
80 min: Competition winner Urby Emanuelson is replaced by Frimpong.
79 min: Sidwell, booked in the first half, is late arriving as Traore nips in to get the ball. The referee waits with red in hand as Sidwell receives some magic sponge treatment but there's no sponge magic enough to save him from the second booking. Fulham down to 10.
78 min: Zamora clatters a shot at goal from the edge of the box – Schwarzer goes full stretch to his left to turn the shot away.
77 min: Mbia puts Remy in the clear down the left channel. He checks inside, then checks back outside to gain a yard of space from Hangeland. Again he looks to crash his shot high, but this time his effort is well over the bar.
76 min: Emanuelson somehow comes away with the ball after trying very hard to lose possession on the edge of his own area.
74 min: Emanuelson is this close to being put clean through by Ruiz.
73 min: Off goes the absurdly talented but often infuriating Taarabt, on comes the absurdly talented but often infuriating Junior Hoilett.
72 min: "Kestrel?" enquires Ricardo Aguiar. "Don`t you mean Peregrine falcon?" No, I'm sticking with kestrel. Even though they force me to remember the end of Kes …
71 min: Nervy noises at Craven Cottage now.
69 min: Townsend wins a corner … which is nodded away by Hangeland then nodded awkwardly out for a throw in by Emanuelson. As the ball comes back in, Samba controls and turns on a sixpence (a cliche phrase that has sadly gone out of fashion these days, what with the sixpence not existing for 40-odd years) but can only jab his shot wide.
68 min: Ruiz sends a ball into the left channel. Berbatov looks at the pass with a look of utter contempt and refuses to break out of his stroll. He may have known he was offside, but I'm going to choose to believe not.
67 min: Boswingwa drills in a low cross, but his team-mates, like kestrels who only east on the move, wanted something aerial to attack.
66 min: "Is Jarrell Anthony intentionally trying to fill your inbox with emails suggesting Titus Bramble?" wonders Matt Dony. "The world's first case of Titus Spam-ble-ing?"
65 min: QPR have got the NBA-style full-court press on at the moment. Fulham looking harried and far less at ease.
63 min: "I'm sure the tactical analysts will show that there are all kinds of defensive errors tonight, but those errors are only visible if players are willing to take on their immediate opponent and not pass the ball sideways," writes Gary Naylor. "Just because it isn't great football doesn't mean it isn't a great match. And yes - it is 'a great advert for the Premier League'."
62 min: Hangeland again thunders forward and exchanges passes with Emanuelson, but when the ball bobbles back to the big Norwegian on the edge of the six yard box he can't quite sort his legs out or get them to go where he wants. A bit like a horse attempting attempting to negotiate a cargo net.
61 min: Ruiz, Berbatov and Emanuelson combine neatly down the left, but the latter's cross is deflected straight into the arms of Julio Cesar.
60 min: After an interminable delay, Taarabt scuffs a really poor effort into the shins of those in the penalty-area melee. Fulham clear.
58 min: Mbia romps past Emanuelson, who looks a fish out of water here. The Dutch midfielder brings down the QPR man. Very dangerous free-kick, 30 yards out, central …
57 min: "Is Senderos the weakest 'strong centre-back' in Premier League history?" wonders Jarrell Anthony. "If not, then who is?"
55 min: If QPR get anything out of this game it'll be the greatest Easter comeback since … since … nope, can't think of an example.
54 min: Moments before that chance Fulham had a penalty appeal for handball against Boswingwa. It did seem to hit his arm, but not deliberate for me.
53 min: Andros Townsend is given the freedom of midfield and uses it well. His shot swerves viciously and dips just before Schwarzer but the keeper makes a fine save.
52 min: If this match were a film character it would be some mad scientist cackling away in his mountain lair. "They said I was mad! I'll show them! I'LL SHOW THEM ALL!" Could be 5-5 by the end.
GOAL!! Fulham 3-2 QPR (Remy 51)
He's made amends within seconds! What a game this is! Mbia puts the France striker through and he shows good strength to hold off Senderos and even better technique to rifle the shot home off the underside of the bar.
50 min: It was a daft tackle from Karagounis to give the penalty away – not even really a tackle, more a vague poke in the rough direction of the ball – but what a waste.
49 min: Remy's spot-kick is softer than Mr Soft's tummy after a long soak in the bath. Schwarzer gets down well to his left to make the low save.
PENALTY TO QPR!
48 min: This half has started at breakneck pace and now we've got another penalty! Karagounis trips Taarabt.
47 min: A Ruiz flick so clever and photogenic that it once captained a team on University Challenge almost gets Berbatov in behind the QPR back four.
46 min: … swung in beautifully, glanced on by Mbia, but Remy is a yard or two short of being able to poke home from close range.
45 min and six seconds: Fulham are sloppy from the kick off and Taarabt fires a shot at goal from distance. Corner …
Peep! Off we go again. The hapless Clint Hill has been replaced by Nedum Onuoha. Samba takes the captain's armband.
Half-time email dept
"Rick Buur obviously never watched Al-Saadi Gaddafi light up Serie A back in the day," writes Ben Fitzpatrick.
"Whatever about Duff and Fudd, both fine lagers," writes Bobby Holmes. "If only Ireland could've served up some of Moe Szyslak's Düff against Austria last Tuesday we'd surely have been able to bamboozle them enough to have come away with the three points …"
PEEP! PEEEEP!! Lee Probert brings an action-packed first-half to a close.
45+2 min:Traore scurries down the left dangerously, then takes his eye of the ball and lets the thing trickle out of play for a throw-in.
"All this talk of the cost of Christopher Samba gave me an idea," writes Rick Buur. "Tony Fernandes' other plaything, the Caterham Formula One team, contracted my countryman Giedo van der Garde. Not the most talented racing driver, but his father in law is a billionaire who paid for getting him into the team. Why doesn't Fernandes use this model in his football team; instead of paying ten million for Samba he could find moderately talented footballers who would be backed into playing by personal sponsors. Couldn't be much worse that this, no?"
45 min: Two minutes of added time to play.
GOAL! Fulham 3-1 QPR (Taarabt 44)
Come back Tom! Taarabt takes advantage of a Fulham slip in midfield and romps forward. Hangeland is backpeddling furiously but Taarabt shifts the ball inside and sends a cracking shot past Schwarzer.
43 min: "And its goodnight from me and the end for QPR," writes QPR fan Tom Ryan.
41 min: That scrunchy noise you hear is the sound of QPR fans screwing up their Ones We Might Win lists. This is up there – in terms of quality and misfortune – with the first-half display against Liverpool at Loftus Road.
GOAL! Fulham 3-0 QPR (Hill 40og)
Hangeland rumbles forward and backheels – backheels! – to put Riise in behind the QPR defence. He hammers the ball across ferociously and Hill can't get out of the way or twist his body to deflect it clear, ending up just diverting it into the goal.
38 min: That innocuous challenge – and it did genuinely appear innocuous – has done for Dejagah. He's off and he's been replaced by the only Urby anyone knows, Urby Emanuelson.
37 min: Bosingwa swings in a corner, which is cleared as far as Townsend on the edge of the box. He cuts inside onto his left and zips a shot at goal, but it's well wide.
36 min: "Vasco da Gama's stadium in Brazil is very picturesque?" writes Hugo Timm.
35 min: It seems I've done Dejagah something of a disservice. He's still off the field getting treatment.
34 min: Berbatov offers a little nugget of Berbarotica with a quite lovely piece of control from Riise's crossfield ball. That was almost indecent.
33 min: Shocking pass from Taarabt hands possession to Fulham and they break quickly. Dejagah, who, well, let's say he seems to have a real affinity for Craven Cottage's spongy turf and wants to get as much of his body in contact with it as possible as often as possible, wins a free-kick.
31 min: QPR are coming back into this a touch. Just a touch.
30 min: … which is hit deeper than the Mariana Trench and comes to nothing.
29 min: Mbia does well down the left and finds Zamora in the box with his cross. The big striker nods down to Remy, who, much like Zamora a minute or two ago, sends his volley way over the bar. It did get a deflection, though. Corner …
28 min: "That Best Album poll went too far," writes Mark Gillies. "I mean, if you're going to try and pull off an April Fool it should at least look vaguely credible up to a point. That list was just ridiculous. (I shall sleep more soundly having convinced myself that that's what's going on here)."
27 min: Fulham here are neatly disproving the myth that sides with nothing to play for are soft touches at this stage of the season. They're instead playing with great freedom and intent.
26 min: Martin Jol still wears an expression of a man slightly worried that he's left the gas on.
24 min: "How about Svangaskaro on the Faroe Islands?" suggests David Heffernan. "Not sure it counts as it is the surrounding countryside, and not the stadium, that is picturesque."
23 min: Traore whips the ball in, Taarabt nods down and from 10 yards out Zamora shoots in two stages. In the first stage he very cleverly allows the ball to come across his body. In the second he wangs the thing of towards the Thames.
GOAL! Fulham 2-0 QPR (Berbatov 22)
This is horrific from Samba. The £12.5m defender – £12.5m! – again dallies on the edge of his own box. Duff robs him and hands off to Berbatov, who coolly rolls the ball past Julio Cesar. This could be a rout.
20 min: Julio Cesar flaps at the corner, but Sidwell is adjudged to have fouled the keeper. QPR are barely hanging in there.
19 min: The ball gets whipped in from the set-piece and Hangeland should probably do slightly better than glance wide off the back of Samba.
18 min: Dejagah goes down under another Hill tackle. Hill reckons it's a dive … and replays shows he did indeed plummet like Steve Zissou.
17 min: … which Berbatov isn't a million miles away from flicking in at the near post.
16 min: Duff, known as Fudd in Shelbyville, looks to slide a pass in to Berbatov from the left. And can't quite manage it. Still, Fulham have a corner …
15 min: "How about the Estadio AXA, aka the Quarry?" writes Harry Tuttle. "It's not just that there's cliffs behind the goals - there are car parks on the roofs of the stands. Or is it too Art Deco (with shades of Brutalism) to be considered picturesque?"
14 min: Ruiz curls an attempt at goal from the resultant free-kick but it's a couple of yards wide.
13 min: Hill flies into Karagounis with a tackle so crunching you could serve it in a bowl covered in milk and eat it for breakfast. It's a nasty one, and a booking for the QPR man, but Berbatov inflames the situation by charging over and giving the defender a good ol' shove in the chest. He's lucky not to get booked himself.
12 min: "Imagine the reaction of the boardroom if the architects of a new stadium presented Craven Cottage as the plan," writes Gary Naylor. "And yet it is a magical place to watch football - an anti-Emirates, where you are part of the game, part of London, part of life. You are not a customer. Can't stand Loftus Road though."
11 min: A lovely little exchange between Ruiz and Dejagah on the edge of the box almost gets the former through on goal. Only one team in this at the moment.
10 min: "'Moves like Dejagah's'," wuotes Adrian Gentry. "You should be ashamed." And I am.
9 min: That showed such a lack of awareness on Samba's part. He just didn't notice the Iran international scurrying up to him. Then, when he did, he just jabbed a leg out wildly.
GOAL! Fulham 1-0 QPR (Berbatov 8pen)
The Bulgarian sends the keeper the wrong way with the slightest shift of his shoulders and strokes the ball home.
PENALTY TO FULHAM!
Dejagah picks Samba's pocket on the edge of the box. The QPR defender can't cope with moves like Dejagah's and trips him. Very poor defending.
6 min: Hangeland is allowed to trundle forward and feed the ball out to Duff. He cuts inside and forces Julio Cesar into a decent stop at his near post.
5 min: Taarabt and Mbia exchange passes on the edge of the Fulham box and the latter digs out a shot. It bounces slightly awkwardly in front of Schwarzer but there's less power in the shot than in those strangely-branded batteries that come with bike lights.
4 min: "Coldplay are the only band I've ever seen with stage absence," writes Paul McElroy. Yet somehow they've written the greatest album of all time. Who knew?
3 min: Riise lets fly from 30 yards, but it's a scuffed effort that rattles off QPR shins and away.
2 min: Hangeland welts the ball forward. It bounces with no one within 30 yards and plops through to Julio Cesar.
1 min: It takes 45 seconds for Fulham to get a touch of the ball, with QPR popping it about quite nicely. Zamora's loose touch breaks the spell.
PEEP! Off we go then. Is Craven Cottage the most picturesque ground in British football? In world football? Alternative suggestions welcome.
Shuffle-shuffle, shuffle-shuffle The players are
in the tunnel in the gap between the stands that passes for the tunnel at Craven Cottage.
Some retro pre-match entertainment
Let's make no bones about it – QPR will need to win four of their last eight to have any chance of remaining in the Premier League. And this fixture is sure to feature on every QPR fans list of Ones We Might Win (indeed four of the five games this month could be on that list – this game, Wigan and Stoke at home and Reading away).
Fulham: Schwarzer, Riether, Senderos, Hangeland, Riise, Duff, Karagounis, Sidwell, Dejagah, Ruiz, Berbatov. Subs: Etheridge, Frimpong, Richardson, Hughes, Rodallega, Frei, Emanuelson.
QPR: Julio Cesar, Bosingwa, Samba, Hill, Traore, Townsend, Mbia, Jenas, Taarabt, Zamora, Remy. Subs: Green, Park, Mackie, Granero, Onuoha, Ben Haim, Hoilett.
Referee: Lee Probert (Wiltshire)
In other news, the best two albums of all time, according to BBC Radio 2 listeners, are Coldplay's Rush of Blood To The Head and Keane's Hopes and Fears. Where do you start with that?