They ruined his anniversary and now Sergio Agüero wants out. Oh, it's all going wrong for Manchester City. A year after winning the title for the first time in 44 years and now they are in turmoil, with Agüero thought to be unhappy with the discord in the dressing room. There's no word on who'll be after the Argentina striker but the vultures are already circling: Paris-Saint Germain and Monaco are set to battle it out for the services of Carlos Tevez and Edin Dzeko, although neither player will be delighted to hear that both French clubs are also eyeing up Roberto Mancini. What a happy reunion that would be.
Throw in Samir Nasri and you've got the makings of a hilarious buddy movie. Nothing's going City's way at the moment.
Arjen Robben has decided he wants nothing to do with them and will stay at Bayern Munich, who are also busy making it clear that they want nothing to do with Wayne Rooney. "There is no contact and he's not on the agenda," said Bayern's sporting director Matthias Sammer. "No, no. Absolutely not. I don't know what Rooney would bring to the Bundesliga. I can't answer that. I can answer that we have great respect for Wayne Rooney, but there has been no contact with him."
Reading between the lines, the Mill reckons that Bayern aren't especially keen on signing Rooney, who may have to stay put at Manchester United. Unlike Patrice Evra, who is set for a return to Monaco.
It remains the Mill's great hope that Arsène Wenger joins PSG and subsequently refuses to spend any Qatari money, instead concentrating on youth development and making Gervinho the best player in the world, so it finds it hard to believe that Arsenal are about to spend £22m on Real Madrid's wantaway striker Gonzalo Higuaín. That's not very Wenger. But that's the price Arsenal have been quoted and they could probably do with a top-class striker, even if they could get two more Gervinhos for that kind of cash.
Liverpool will let Barcelona have chief flapper Pepe Reina for £10m as long as they're given the dashing winger Christian Tello in return. Meanwhile West Ham believe they are close to completing a permanent deal for Andy Carroll. They reckon £12m, even if Liverpool are optimistically holding out for £17m. It's what Carroll wants, it's what West Ham want and it's probably what Liverpool want. Everyone's happy.
Borussia Dortmund will replace the outbound Robert Lewandowski with Newcastle's Papiss Cissé. Well it was fun while it lasted.
West Bromwich Albion have been so enamoured with the on-loan Romelu Lukaku this season that they will replace him with another former Anderlecht striker when the 20-year-old returns to Chelsea next season. They plan to sign Dieumerci Mbokani – whose name clearly translates to Thankyougod Mbokani – for £10m.
Finally Southampton are after Frickson Erazo and will hand Barcelona Sporting Club £2.5m for the Ecuador defender's services. The only problem will be that commentators won't be able to say "Frickson" before the watershed.