Following Chelsea's season of abject failure, José Mourinho has decided to accept responsibility for an inability to extract the maximum from one of the most expensively assembled squads of all-time. This process involves taking Roman Abramovich's money and philanthropic urge, and using it for the purchase, not only of Diego Costa, but also Roberto Firmino. Like Costa, Firmino is both a striker and Brazilian though, unlike Costa, he hasn't decided to become Spanish and currently plays for Hoffenheim. It is thought that he'll cost £15m – or, put another way, a minuscule percentage of profits derived from the loans-for-shares scheme and aluminium wars.
Elsewhere, Real Madrid are rumoured to be sick of Ángel di María, who has asked for more money while providing less form. Interested are Arsenal and Manchester City, with his preference believed to be for the latter. In that connection, Sergio Agüero is pushing for the deal to go through and, of course, both Manuel Pellegrini and Mansour bin Zayed bin Sultan bin Zayed bin Khalifa al-Nahyan remain as eager for his input as ever.
But City will somehow have to wear the loss of their French centre-back, Jo-Leon Le Scott – whom they no longer want, on account of his being not very good. Le Scott, though, is not remotely cowed by the development – following City's title win, he tweeted "not bad for a money grabber". "Who started eight league games," he refrained from continuing.
Meanwhile, Arsenal are also looking at buying Swansea's Wilfried Bony, having deduced the benefits of a striker not set permanently to "amble". Bony has also admitted his desire to find a "bigger club" – but reckoned without one Garry Alan Monk. "I think we can hold on to him," he said, "but money talks," revealing not just implacable moral fibre, but linguistic invention too.
Also likely to move this summer is Adam Lallana – the absence of a terrace chant in his honour to either Crocodile Rock or Gypsy Woman convincing him that his future lies away from Southampton. Liverpool Football Cult is his likely destination, on the basis that even if he fails to win any league titles there, he will certainly deserve some, and that's what really matters – along with nationwide love, affection and respect. Ideally, Lallana would like to complete the move before the World Cup, but to facilitate this, the handing in of a transfer request might be necessary. Currently, Liverpool's offer for him is £20m, while Southampton value him at £25m.
Also on the move is Rio Ferdinand, who announced on his website that he'd elected, chosen and decided to leave Manchester United, who'd already informed him that they no longer had any use for him. And interested in signing him are Hull – though there remains a fear that the city is not yet ready to absorb his fashion empire.
And with Chris Smalling, Jonny Evans and Phil Jones yet to properly convince as his and Vidic's replacements, Louis van Gaal would like to bring in the Borussia Dortmund pair, Mats Hummels. But, with the German club unwilling to sell, it is thought that he may have to settle for Mat Hummel.