The problem with the documentary Being: Liverpool, since you ask, is that it's closer to MTV Cribs than a relevant and informative programme. So, for example, we learn that Brendan Rodgers has a swimming pool in his house! And an enormous picture of himself beside the entrance! And an uncle! And a wife! And enough room to swing a cat and then marvel as Joe Allen nips into the areas vacated by the cat to pick up any droppings and convey them to the bin!
Having subjected himself to this lame exposé, Rodgers knows it's payback time: and that means his employers owe him a striker. Borussia Dortmund's Robert Lewandowski could soon be finding out all about the interesting aspects of life at Anfield. You know, the bits that Being: Liverpool hasn't bothered showing. Or, on the other hand, the next series of Being: Liverpool may feature Rodgers replacing the giant picture of himself with one of Sir Alex Ferguson or Arsène Wenger, so that he can throw darts at whichever manager outbid him for Lewandowski.
Or perhaps in Rodgers's back garden he will burn an effigy of Daniel Levy: the Spurs chairman has already beaten Liverpool to the signings of Gylfi Sigurdsson and Clint Dempsey and now word seeps through that he could gazump Liverpool for PSV's Belgian midfielder Dries Mertens. But that could be false.
If we're going to start issuing disclaimers, then we should tell you that the next rumour could be false too. And all the ones after that. But at least they're plausible, which is more than you can say for, say, Newcastle United's claim that what attracted them to new sponsors Wonga was the lender's commitment to helping young players graduate to the first team.
So, Fernando Torres's days as Chelsea first-choice No9 are numbered. See, what could be more plausible than that? Apparently Atlético Madrid are in the toilet financially and would not object to someone activating the £48m release clause of striker Radamel Falcao: a bidding war between Manchester City and Chelsea could drive the price as high as £60m, say some newspapers, while other sources claim a deal has already been wrapped up and the Colombian will start calling Stamford Bridge from New Year's Day, which will signal the end for poor old Torres.
A happier Fernando will be the one called Llorente, since he's in line for a big-money move to Arsenal, where years of commitment to cultivating young talent has convinced Wenger that … they do it better in Spain so he may as well keep popping over there to pick up their best players. Llorente could be accompanied by Atlético Madrid's Adrián López.
It's been weeks since a fine young Belgian thing joined the Premier League so it's about time another few were linked with move: With Mertens seemingly already on the way, Jelle Vossen is also England-bound, with the suddenly forward-rich Everton the favourites to nab the striker. Sunderland fancy him too, though.
Roberto Mancini's campaign of complaining is going to get him one of two things: Daniele De Rossi in January, what with the Roma midfielder having fallen out with manager Zdenek Zeman; or the sack. The Mill would pay bad money to see the City job then given to Harry Redknapp – oh, that would be making of the Mill! – but, alas, that is unlikely to happen. So Redknapp instead looks likely to replace the former City flop Mark Hughes at Loftus Road.