Withering disappointment, readers! That’s what Liverpool suits felt this morning when they awoke to news that Southampton had upped the price of Adam Lallana from £25m to £30m. You see Saints have done their homework. They know all about Hodgsonomics, when a recent association with high-profile failure somehow enhances the reputation and worth of an individual and gives Moneyball principles a sharp boot up the jacksy. And to think, John W Henry thought he was getting the hang of this football ownership lark.

Brendan Rodgers and Arsène Wenger have received their latest football fashion magazines and seen that Chile are hot right now. They’re going to tussle for the Juventus right-back Mauricio Isla in the hope that he can freshen up their 2014-15 look.

Jack Rodwell. Remember him? Alan Irvine does. He has sepia-tinted memories of the lad when he was an actual footballer who got paid for playing football at Everton and would like to rescue him from his sabbatical at Manchester City by taking him on loan to West Brom. “Jack is a very good player. He has had some injuries but he was a Rolls-Royce as a kid,” purred Irvine.

How do Arsenal go about signing Mario Balotelli? They parcel up Joel Campbell, stick a bow on him and send him to Mr Berlusconi, Piazzale Angelo Moratti, 20151 Milano, Italy. That’s how. And if he gets lost in the post they wire £15m the way of Bayern Munich for Mario Mandzukic.

And despite playing no part in England’s Brazil shambles, Ashley Cole’s Hodgsonomical value from Euro 2012 is still so high that he’s attracted the attention of Milan and Barcelona. Apparently, there are offers on the table. Offers that won’t make him swerve his car in ire should he hear them.