Thank heavens for Google Translate. Or, as they say in Finland, luojan kiitos Google Translate. In fact, thank heavens for all online translating tools (luojan kiitos kaikki verkossa kaantamiseen tyokalut), because they mean the Mill can roam the world of tittle tattle for choice pieces of transfer gossip straight from the horse's mouth, even if that horse only talks Dutch. Or Japanese. Or Urdu.
Or, most importantly this morning, German. For it is the German paper Kicker that carries today's juiciest nugget. "As the Kicker learned two English giants are increasingly on the prowl in just dethroned champions the past two years," Google Translate tells us. "Glittering object of desire: Mario Götze. The national team is the kicker for information both for still reigning English champions Manchester City and Arsenal at the top of the priority list." But more than that, Kicker reports that City's sporting director, Txiki Begiristain, met with Götze's agent in March with a view to activating the player's €40m release clause. Though quite why the Germany international would want to leave the Champions League semi-finalists for a side that went out with a whimper in the group stage is beyond us. He might as well join Anderlecht (at least they've got a chance of winning their domestic title).
In other summer splash news, Manchester United are ready to part with £27m and Javier Hernández in order to bag Atlético Madrid's Falcao. Which is nice. And, according to those in the silver-foil-hat-wearing far reaches of the online transfer grapevine, United will also look to bag Marseille's André Ayew, Desportivo Brasil forward Aguilar, baby-faced Feyenoord midfielder Jordy Clasie, St Etienne central defender Kurt Zouma, Barcelona's Alexis Sánchez, Real Madrid's Angel di María, Field Marshal Haig, Field Marshal Haig's wife, all Field Marshal Haig's wife's friends, their families, their families' servants, their families' servants' tennis partners, and some chap the Mill bumped into the mess the other day called Bernard.
And from those same mad-eyed hinterlands comes the news that Real Madrid want both Gareth Bale and Sergio Agüero this summer. Wibble.
Arsenal are finally going to spend big this summer – and no, they're not just going to buy a hot dog from an Emirates Stadium food outlet. St Etienne's Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Sunderland's Simon Mignolet top the shopping list.
And Leeds United are set to appoint Brian McDermott to replace Neil Warnock, who may be heading back to Bramall Lane in the summer following the departure of Danny Wilson.