The Mill has long found Vincent Tan fascinating, with his trousers hitched up so high they are in danger of cutting off the circulation to his brain. It might go some way to explaining events at Cardiff, where there have been reports over Vinny T being banned from the players' changing room over unpaid bonuses and with it having emerged that Malky Mackay's right-hand man, Iain Moody, has been suspended for unknown reasons and replaced by Alisher Apsalyamov, a 23-year-old from Kazakhstan who has no previous experience in football but who just so happens to be mates with Tan's son.
The Mill had fully expected Mackay to be the first to receive the old heave-ho this season, only for Paolo Di Canio to pip him to it by being Paolo Di Canio, but it might be worth keeping an eye on this one. And, of course, Tan's trousers, slowly edging further and further up his body, until he is 0% man and 100% trouser.
Swansea see Arsenal coming. They've seen them spend £45m on Mesut Özil and now they want their slice of the pie, quoting Arsène Wenger £30m for Michu. Will bold new loadsamoney Arsène be able to stomach that one? Or is there still a piece of the old spendthrift that exists in Wenger that will make him instinctively recoil at that price? Who knows, it's only October.
There's three months or so until we find out. Let's concentrate on the here and now: Wigan are going to sign Park Chu-young on loan; well done to anyone who knew he was still at Arsenal. Bacary Sagna may not be there much longer, though, now he's decided to run down his contract and leave on a free next summer.
As if Barcelona's defence isn't shambolic enough, they're giving serious thought to signing Pepe Reina from Liverpool when Víctor Valdés does one at the end of the season. Unsurprisingly Reina, currently on loan at Napoli, likes the sound of this but Barcelona may dash his dreams by signing Thibaut Courtois from Chelsea instead. That's probably a better idea, if only because Courtois is Belgian – every self-respecting big club needs a Belgian these days.
Joe Kinnear has spun a globe, landed on Italy and got on the blower to his top Italian contact. However Fabio Capello's phone went straight to voicemail and so did Marcello Lippi's, Antonio Conte's and Gino D'Acampo's, which makes it even more impressive that Newcastle have been spotted scouting Cagliari youngsters Gianmarco Paulis and Simone Solinas. However they're not being linked with Juventus's Andrea Pirlo, a target for Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United and Tottenham, although they all now face competition from Real Madrid. Get on the phone, Joe! Call Pirlo now! Oh Joe!