It is quickly getting harder to find devilish amusement in the travails of David Moyes, already there is something about the hue of those eyes that says "You'll only end up hating yourself". The Manchester United manager is starting to bear the look of a man having his heels clipped by the Nothing, and if Monday's papers are anything to go by, come January he'll be nostril deep in the Swamps of Sadness.
Because The Times says that United plan on signing the young Southampton left back Luke Shaw in the next transfer window, as well as the Porto defender Eliaquim Mangala. Shaw has not long signed a new five-year deal on the south coast, however.
Metro says Chelsea have got £50m ready for a two-pronged move into mainland Europe that will secure Marseille's Giannelli Imbula and … Eliaquim Mangala. And just to thoroughly blacken the skyline, January is when Shinji Kagawa will leave Old Trafford to return to Borussia Dortmund after an 18-month spell so wasted that even Shaun Ryder would tsk. Artax!
If any news is joyful enough to pull you back from the brink, it is this: Steve Kean is soon to be in employment once again. Yes, the lovable former Blackburn Rovers manager – a man certain to draw a crowd wherever he goes – is apparently taking over at Brunei DPMM, who last year finished runners-up in Singapore's S.League but this year are stuck firmly in the bottom half. The perfect trajectory, you might say, for a club about to etc … and so on.
Still waiting on news of Andy Carroll's recovery, the West Ham United manager Sam Allardyce has sent scouts to watch the Heerenveen striker Alfred Finnbogason. And they've seen him do goals! A January deal is on the cards. Brighton will move sooner than that to secure a rest-of-the-season loan deal for the Cardiff City striker Rudy Gestede, it says here, while Yossi Benayoun will probably be a Queens Park Rangers player before the Mill has finished typing this sentence.
The Millwall midfielder Liam Trotter has been drawing admiring glances from the likes of Stoke City, Fulham and Norwich City, but it seems he'll sign a new deal at The Den before the year is up.
And finally, Sheffield United insist Nigel Clough must give them an answer by the end of Monday, otherwise he will stop being the best man for their vacant managerial post. The club have also been linked with Leyton Orient's Russell Slade, Richie Barker of Crawley, and Sven-Goran Eriksson. Presumably the job will go to whoever can hitch a ride to Bramall Lane fastest.