Gareth Bale has been casting admiring glances at Dele Alli’s innovative handshake skills and wants Real Madrid to make a move for the Tottenham Hotspur youngster. Madrid would have to start the bidding at £70m. But Tottenham have yet to put a price on the handshake rights. Once they come up with a figure, we could be looking at the first ever £1bn transfer.

The Spaniards will want to make sure they don’t splurge all their cash on Alli, however, because they’re also keeping an eye on Eden Hazard as a potential replacement for either James Rodríguez or Isco. Bloody foreigners, coming over here, swanning off with the Premier League’s best players.

Chelsea will get over selling Hazard by signing Monaco’s Tiemoué Bakayoko and Franck Kessie of Atalanta, but the Mill is outraged and it will not be placated by the pity move of Madrid letting Manchester City have Isco. Pep Guardiola has had a good look at his squad, identified the main areas of weakness and decided that he could do with another creative midfielder. You can’t have too many. Joe Hart, meanwhile, would be content to join Torino permanently in the summer, having come to love the excellent hair products on offer in Italy.

Barcelona’s search for a new right-back has taken them to the south coast. Taking a leaf out of Liverpool’s playbook, they’re after Southampton’s Cédric Soares, who’s valued at £25m. Liverpool will also put in a bid, simply out of habit.

Leicester City are in the market for a new centre-back. Hull’s Harry Maguire looks the part.

Leighton Baines loves books and music, which makes him by far the most captivating footballer who ever lived, but will his cultural interests be enough to keep the younger generation at bay? Ryan Sessegnon probably knows about Julian Bieber, dabbing and selfies, which is presumably why Everton are so impressed with the young Fulham left-back.