Despite Raphael Honigstein, the Guardian's go-to guy for all things football-related and Germanic, stating last week that there was only a very slim chance of the Borussia Dortmund striker Robert Lewandowski going anywhere other than Bayern Munich this summer, speculation continues to abound that the Poland international has already agreed a deal to go to Manchester United, while Sunday's Star mooted the possibility that he could be off to Manchester City, who are ready to pay a total of £75m to pair him up front with the Napoli striker Edinson Cavani.
Should Lewandowski end up in Lancashire, it will set in motion a ridiculously complex chain reaction that will result in a ball-bearing rolling down a chute, dropping on to weighing scales, which will consequently tip up and prompt Luis Suárez to join Bayern Munich from Liverpool, who will replace the Uruguayan striker with his QPR counterpart Loïc Rémy for £8m, at which point the Valencia forward Roberto Soldado will inquisitively amble towards an unconvincing piece of giant plastic cheese and get captured by Tottenham Hotspur's Rube Goldberg-style mousetrap.
Meanwhile in the Sun, there's good news for Roberto Mancini, who will be pleased to learn that he won't be handed his P45 by Manchester City, even if they fail to win the FA Cup. The tabloid also reports that Mancini's employers are busy "monitoring the situation" of the Santos forward Neymar, who everybody in Europe used to think was really good until they saw him have one poor game against England and wrote him off as an over-hyped young flat-track bully. The Brazilian prodigy with the controversial hair is apparently available after "snubbing" the offer of a new contract from Santos, in a state of affairs that is likely to put assorted clubs in Europe on a state of red alert.
Having failed to set the world on fire since realising his dream of moving back to his boyhood club of Barcelona, Cesc Fábregas is being linked with a return to Arsenal, who are also believed to be interested in rescuing Iker Casillas from Real Madrid, where the goalkeeper's relationship with his manager, José Mourinho, is reported to be strained at best. Of course, should Mourinho leave Madrid during the summer as expected, Casillas may very well decide to stay put. In a busy morning on the idle transfer speculation front for Arsène Wenger, the Arsenal manager is also interested in bringing Sevilla's France Under-20 midfielder Geoffrey Kondogbia to the Emirates, but will have to fight off interest from Chelsea, Manchester City and Real Madrid to land the £17m-rated enforcer.
Having pulled off the impressive feat of managing to look excellent despite playing in Sunderland's porous defence all season, it's little wonder that the Wearside club are hoping to keep Danny Rose in the north-east once his loan spell from Tottenham Hotspur has expired come season's end. In January the Doncaster-born full-back said he was settled at Sunderland and had no desire to return to Spurs, but André Villas-Boas is believed to see the 22-year-old's long-term future as being at White Hart Lane.
And finally, the Barcelona striker David Villa and Manchester City central defender Joleon Lescott are both rumoured to have conceded that they'll have to leave their current clubs to get the regular first-team football required to give themselves a chance of booking their respective berths at the 2014 World Cup in Brazil.