Jumentous means "smelling of horse urine". English is full of splendid words for which it is difficult to find a regular use. On that basis – and, we stress, only on that basis – jumentous could be described as an Adel Taarabt of a word. Similarly, José Mourinho might say that skoptsy ("the act of self-castration") is a Juan Mata of a word, except that that might be construed as an acknowledgment that his team is less potent without the little man in the middle. It might also sound like he was calling Mata a penis, and that surely wouldn't do. As for David Luiz, Mourinho might plead lethologica ("the inability to find the precise word") if asked to describe him. Barcelona, on the other hand, could instantly tell you that Luiz is necessary ("the sort of freewheeling centreback they like at the Nou Camp").
Monaco want a new centreback too and they've drawn up a rather long shortlist on which the top three names are the Porto pair Eliaquim Mangala and Nicolas Otomendi and Manchester City's linchpin, Vincent Kompany. But just as the Mill would never make ultracrepidarian ("the habit of holding forth on subjects beyond one's knowledge") its word of the day, Kompany is not today's Belgian of the day. For that is Radja Nainggolan, the Cagliari midfielder whom Manchester United believe could solve their midfield creativity problems (which must make Marouane Fellaini very much yesterday's Belgian or perhaps, if he got one of those helmets with a torch on top, tomorrow's new Old Trafford flood light). Unfortunately for United, Paris Saint-Germain also want Nainggolan, though if the French club nab him, then that may clear the path for United to spring Yohan Cabaye from Newcastle.
One of the other midfielders whom United are reported to be pursuing is 20-year-old Bruno Zuculini, who currently plays for Racing Club de Avellaneda in Argentina and is also being monitored by Internazionale.
Atletico Madrid hope that Tottenham Hotspur are willing to give up on a recent recruit too, so are preparing a January bid for Erik Lamela, possibly on loan.
Arsenal, meanwhile, are jousting with Liverpool for the service of Hamburg's 19-year-old midfielder Hakan Calhanoglu but are set to lose out to Roma in the race for Barcelona's 17-year-old striker Antonio Sanabria.
Stoke, for so long mere gongoozlers when it comes to signing decent strikers, are about to make a move for Luuk de Jong.
So there you have it, readers, that was today's Rumour borborygmus ("the rumbling or gurgling of gas or liquid passing through the intestines").