FULL TIME: Everton 1-0 Chelsea
And there it is! Roberto Martinez's first league victory as Everton boss, Jose Mourinho's first league defeat in his second term at Chelsea. The PA parps out It's A Grand Old Team, as Goodison erupts to celebrate a victory for a resolute Everton, though Chelsea will be wondering about the penalty that never was, and how on earth they didn't put away at least one of those chances. Not quite a classic, but good old-fashioned to-and-fro fun nevertheless. And Chelsea are still looking for that elusive upturn in their form.
90 min +3: Osman is gifted the ball 25 yards out, but lashes hopelessly wide. Chelsea throw the ball into the Everton area from hither and yon. They're nowhere close.
90 min +2: Mirallas, who has been nothing short of brilliant, is replaced by Deulofeu.
90 min +1: Howard plucks a massive up-and-under from the sky, under pressure from Ivanovic.
90 min: Torres has a ghost-like swipe at a dropping ball, ten yards out, level with the left hand post. It sails harmlessly wide. There will be three added minutes of this.
89 min: Before the set piece can be taken, Stones comes on for Naismith. Then Baines clips the right-hand corner of the goalframe with his free kick. Magnificent, and so unlucky.
88 min: Naismith hoicks a monster hoof upfield. Mirallas, the only Evertonian up there, keeps hold of possession wonderfully. A couple of phases later, Barkley is diddling Gazza-style down the middle of the park. As he reaches the D, he's checked cynically by Mikel, who is really testing his luck. Free kick.
86 min: Mikel is booked for obstruction on Coleman, once again tearing down the right. Everton are given the advantage, which is no advantage at all.
84 min: Chelsea are beginning to look desperate now, throwing longer balls into the Everton final third. Not much is sticking, and what is, is easily mopped up. "There seems all of a sudden a lot of talk about assists," writes Ian Copestake. "No one ever used to get credit in football for assists, not even Laudrup. I blame Özil." I blame Öpta.
82 min: Barkley, defending a Chelsea throw, turns on a sixpence and fires a delightful ball up the left channel for Mirallas. Luiz drags him down on the halfway line. There was nobody between them and the goal. The Chelsea defender is only booked, I suppose the suggestion being that someone would have come across to cover with all that pitch in front of him, and so it wasn't an obvious goalscoring opportunity. Luiz couldn't have complained if the referee had seen that the other way.
80 min: Hazard is booked for a cynical professional trip on Coleman, who was in acres down the inside-right channel and running towards the area with extreme prejudice. That was inches outside the box, Hazard knew exactly what he was doing. Baines curls the free kick well wide of the left-hand post.
78 min: Mirallas cuts inside from the left and batters a low shot goalwards. Cech, who hasn't had too much to do this half, gets behind it, a fine save. This match is going at 298mph now.
77 min: Ramires, tight on the right touchline, whips a low ball in towards the near post. Eto'o nearly gets in ahead of Howard, but the keeper does just enough to palm his ball to a defender. Baines bangs it upfield.
76 min: Eto'o wins a corner, bustling after a ball down the left channel. The ball finds Ivanovic at the far post, but his header isn't sweet enough to trouble Howard. Terry nearly latches onto a loose ball in the area, but Jagielka hoofs clear. How is this only 1-0?
74 min: Barry, Baines and McCarthy combine well down the left, then shuttle the ball inside for Barkley, who for the second time today has an opportunity to take a dig from the edge of the box. He should shoot, but hesitates and the chance is gone.
71 min: Hazard concedes a free kick, 25 yards out, taking down Naismith. Mirallas sends a bouncer towards the bottom right corner. Cech parries. The ball's half cleared. Coleman comes back at Chelsea, firing in a cross which needs turning out for a corner. Suddenly, Chelsea look nervous, perhaps aware that a second goal for Everton will ensure the jig is up for them today. The ball's thrown into the mix twice. Corner. Corner. Then from the third corner, Distin falls over while tugging at Luiz's shirt, and with no little chutzpah claims for a penalty. Howard Webb isn't having that, his trademark jazz interpretations of the rules or no.
69 min: Cole is replaced, to jeers which get louder as Torres comes on in his stead.
68 min: Oscar fizzes a low cross into the Everton box from the right touchline. Ramires sticks out a leg and attempts to turn the ball in at the near post. It finds the side netting. The Chelsea and Everton fans do that perspective confusion / high amusement sound collage again.
66 min: McCarthy comes on for his Everton debut. He replaces Jelavic, still with only one league goal in 2013, but an assist today isn't too shabby.
64 min: Ivanovic rakes a ball into the Everton area from the right. It's all Everton can do to deflect the ball out for a corner. Ivanovic is shoved in the back by Distin as the two go up to contest the set piece. It's not the sort of push that usually results in a penalty, but insult is added to injury when Ivanovic is booked for deliberate handball, a handball that only occurred because he'd lost his balance having been nudged in the back. Ivanovic's frown could plough furrows.
61 min: This is all Chelsea. Oscar and Hazard exchange passes down the left, delicious intricate play, but the resulting cross is too strong. Soon enough they're coming down the other wing, Oscar and Ivanovic combining to little effect. Nothing's quite coming off for Chelsea, but Everton will need to ride their luck if they keep playing like this for the next half hour.
58 min: Oscar's first contribution to the play is to slide across the turf inside the Everton area on the bones of his arse. Distin and Osman performed a pincer movement on him! It looked like a penalty, Oscar nudging the ball forward down the inside-right channel before he's slapped into the middle of a Toffee sandwich. Chelsea scream for the penalty kick, but Howard Webb is not having any of it. Hmm. You'll be hearing more of this should Chelsea lose, Jose will make sure of it.
57 min: Mourinho makes one of his trademark double changes. Lampard and Oscar come on for Mata (of course) and Schurrle.
55 min: Free headers at either end. First Eto'o nearly guides in a low cross from the right, then Jelavic gets on the end of the sort of hoof that makes Duncan Smith look a very wise man indeed. He sends his effort well to the left.
54 min: Everton are finding it very difficult to string together more than one pass in a row. Unsticky Toffee tiki-taka. The crowd are getting very anxious, and a wee bit irritated, not least when Naismith wastes some rare Everton possession in the Chelsea half by floating an aimless long cross into Cech's arms.
52 min: A bit of confusion between Jagielka and Howard, the former looping a weak backpass down the inside-left channel which is never reaching the latter. Ramires steps in and attempts to loop a first-time ball over the keeper, but doesn't connect properly. Everton have yet to come out for the second half.
50 min: Eto'o once again makes ground into the Chelsea area, but the ball clanks between his ankles and Everton clear. Chelsea's new striker looks a wee bit rusty, and yet Eto'o's rusty is still a pretty high bar, and he's looking dangerous despite not being quite up to speed. If something clicks soon, Everton could find themselves in a spot of bother.
48 min: Hazard has a lash at goal from 25 yards, just to the left of goal. It's straight at Howard, who fumbles. The ball breaks out to Eto'o on the left, but the striker's got a tight angle to be dealing with, and drags his shot across the face of goal, and out on the right, Howard escorting the weak effort out of play with his palms aloft. By the looks of things, Mourinho's half-time team talk has been delivered in the full and frank style.
45 min 40 seconds: This really should be the equaliser. Ramires gently dinks down the inside-right, freeing Schurrle into the area. He draws Howard and chips over the keeper, but instead of sailing into the empty net as it should, the ball wafts the side netting. The Chelsea travelling support celebrate for a split second, perspective issues and all that, but they're soon told the error of their ways by a gleeful home crowd.
Chelsea get the second half underway. No changes yet, as Mourinho chases the lead for the first time in his Second Coming. Meanwhile Duncan Smith would like to take issue with the "myth" of Everton's new tiki-taka style: "Everton had really high possession in the opposing third last season, despite hoofing it from the big lad at the back to the big lad up front. The passing was reasonably intricate but impotent. I've seen more lumps to the flanks today than I have for a while. However as Moyes is Scottish therefore dour and lacking style and Martinez is Spanish and sexy it pervades." It is true that Martinez gets a free pass sometimes due to his silky-smooth media skills. Take this week's suggestion that lower-league clubs should become feeder teams for Premier League sides. Arrant poppycock, bull, pish, tish and mummery, and the usual entitled big-boy nonsense - which the likes of Benitez, Villas-Boas and Ancelotti have been (rightly) criticised for in the past - but there was little brouhaha when Martinez put it forward. You've got to take your hat off to him, I suppose. Some people are just the most charming in the room, and can get away with anything. Don't you wish you knew what his trick is?
Half-time entertainment (laced with social comment)
"Football is now a mixture of sport, big business and showbusiness," writes Everton owner John Moores. The more things change, ladies and gentlemen, for this was 1968.
[For anyone interested in more old-school documentaries: how about this old Joy of Six?]
HALF TIME: Everton 1-0 Chelsea
Jose's got that face on all right.
45 min: GOAL!!! Everton 1-0 Chelsea (Naismith)
What a blow for Chelsea, who have battered at the Everton goal but given up chance after chance! Barkley, soft-shoe shuffling with extreme prejudice on the right-hand edge of the D, feeds the ball down the right channel for Osman, a delightful pass. Osman stands one up to the far post, under intense pressure. Jelavic meets the cross with a header back across goal. Cech is out of position, having chased the cross, and Naismith is on hand to nut into an empty net from a couple of yards!
44 min: Schurrle backflicks to Eto'o down the middle of the park. Eto'o returns the pass. Schurrle shapes to shoot on the edge of the area. Jagielka slides in to whip the ball away, but it breaks to Mata on the left-hand edge of the area. Mata attempts to float a first-time chip into the right-hand side of the box, with Howard wandering, but it drifts wide.
41 min: Barry comes in late on Hazard, just to the left of his own area. He's treading a fine line, a booking may not be long in coming. Free kick to Chelsea. Mata whips it in. Ivanovic, eight yards out, fires a header a couple of feet over the bar. After a quiet middle period in this half, Chelsea have come right back into this, and really should be leading.
38 min: And another chance goes begging for Chelsea! Ramires can't quite get clear of Jagielka as the pair race after a long ball down the middle, but he guides the ball to Schurrle, free down the left channel. He should score - he certainly should get a shot on target - but with only Howard to beat from just inside the box, he balloons a comically desperate effort over the bar. On the bench, Jose has one of his faces on.
37 min: Mata wins a corner down the right. The set piece sails straight through the area and is retrieved by Luiz. He sends the ball into the area. Cleared by Baines. But only to Ramires, who drags an awful shot wide right.
35 min: Eto'o shimmies down the right. A dip of the hip, and he chips a little pass inside to Ramires, who hits a gorgeous first-time shot towards the top left. It's sailing in, but met well by Howard at full stretch. The resulting corner comes to nothing. This opening goal can't be long.
33 min: Mirallas one-twos with Osman down the right and breaks into the box. Naismith meets the low cross at the near post, but screws the shot wide right. That looked for a second like the opener. This hasn't exactly been a classic, but the game's been open enough, and the scoreline surely won't remain goalless for too much longer.
32 min: There's a bit of pinball in front of the Everton area. Neither team displaying much in the way of control. The ball breaks to Mikel, who lashes a spectacularly hopeless effort miles wide to the right and very high to boot.
29 min: Martinez loves to play it around the back, but at what cost? Howard looks to clip the ball out to Baines on the left, but his pass is easily cut out by Schurrle, who plays the ball back into the centre for Eto'o. The striker's only got to sidefoot the ball into the empty net - but suddenly the backtracking Barry gets involved, and manages to block Eto'o's shot over the bar! What an intervention! And what needless faffing around from the goalkeeper. Teething troubles with the Toffees' tiki-taka.
28 min: Luiz Beckenbauers forward down the right but his spray forward is way too long for Eto'o. Chelsea have done very little since that opening burst of activity. The game's not going anywhere fast. Everton will be the happier of the two teams at the minute. "The media seems to have glommed onto this non-story of Eto'o's hate-turned-to-love of Jose Mourinho," notes Linda Howard. "Does anybody care? Is the media a delusional entity as a whole, gleaning that what sells as Hollywood drivel is actually what interests the public?" To answer your questions in turn: no, and yes, though having been advised by my attorney I would like to say I deny all personal responsibility.
25 min: Naismith earns a yard down the right with a lovely turn past Cole, though the Chelsea defender recovers to slide out for a corner. Distin meets the set piece, level with the left-hand post, ten yards out. His header is off target, but sails through Luiz's mop. Webb, having just used up his weekly good decision, points for a goal kick instead of a corner. The Everton faithful critique the referee's performance via the medium of contemporary song.
22 min: Barry, who has been compact and busy so far, a very promising start to his Everton career, comes in very late on Luiz, right across the Brazilian as he ranges forward. He's lucky to escape a booking; Howard Webb settles for a quiet word instead. Good refereeing, because so far it's not been That Kind Of Game.
19 min: Barkley has the opportunity to shoot from the edge of the area but defers to seniority and slips the ball wide right for Naismith and Jelavic. He should have probably taken that on. Never mind, the ball's soon sitting up for Naismith on the right-hand edge of the Chelsea box; the resulting shot isn't up to much, though. But Everton have done well to get into this match after Chelsea's strong start.
17 min: Eto'o blooters a shot into the top-right corner of the Gwladys Street end. Naw naw naw.
14 min: Jelavic and Osman make ground down the right, exchanging passes, though they're never quite in control of a bouncing bomb. Naismith joins in and romps into the box, hooking the ball across just before it goes out of play. Cech is forced to bundle it round his near post. Corner, which is wasted. But already the green shoots of Everton's new Martinezesque passing game are visible.
11 min: The first period of sustained possession from Everton, a couple of minutes of triangulation in the middle of the park. It goes nowhere, but that's not really the point. Barkley jinks around in the centre circle to evade a couple of half-arsed Chelsea challenges, then sprays a long ball wide to Mirallas, but he's overcooked it. Very nice, though.
8 min: And then Everton so nearly take the lead. Naismith goes on a burst down the right, and whips a gorgeous cross into the six-yard box. Jelavic times his leap perfectly to get in between Terry and Luiz, but then mistimes his header, cushioning an awfully weak effort straight at Cech. This could be 1-1, it should be 1-1, but here we are. A very promising start to this match, though; it's gone off at a fair lick.
7 min: Schurrle sends Eto'o bombing into the Everton half. The striker slips the ball wide right, hangs around for a bit, then gets it back. He tiptoes into the area down the right channel, but is shouldercharged off the ball by Baines. But the clearance isn't great, and a very lively Chelsea are soon romping back at Everton, Mata dancing into the area before over-elaborating and losing control. It's all Chelsea, this.
5 min: What a crossfield ball by Ramieres! He's 25 yards out on the right, and curls a pinpoint cross onto the head of Eto'o, who is steaming in ahead of the Everton back line and really should bury a header from six yards. But he sends it well over the crossbar. This is a pretty impressive start by Chelsea.
4 min: Eto'o wins a corner down the right, Ivanovic and Mata having made nuisances of themselves along that flank. The ball's whipped to the near post, where Luiz attempts to Giroud one into the near post. His flick isn't so fancy, and flies into the crowd.
2 min: It's been mainly Chelsea so far. They've not really gone anywhere, but have done a reasonable job of quieting the Goodison crowd, who were making some racket before kick off.
Everton get the ball rolling! Chelsea will be kicking towards the Gwladys Street end, the one famous for the church, and the old Ferguson TV ad.
The teams are out!
Romelu Lukaku has already been out on the pitch waving an Everton shirt this way and that. He looks pretty happy to be there, though as a Chelsea loanee he obviously can't play today. Everton are in their famous blue shirts, with infamous new badge - which isn't very pretty, admittedly, but not awful enough to have warranted all that noise - while Chelsea are sporting third-choice black, which
is the colour of Jose Mourinho's soul looks good with jeans.
Ladies and gentlemen, we have guaranteed debuts! Or at least a couple of them:
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Jagielka, Distin, Baines, Osman, ☞☞☞Barry☜☜☜, Mirallas, Naismith, Barkley, Jelavic.
Subs: Robles, Heitinga, Oviedo, Deulofeu, McCarthy, Gueye, Stones.
Chelsea: Cech, Ivanovic, Luiz, Terry, Cole, Ramires, Mikel, Schurrle, Hazard, Mata, ☞☞☞Eto'o☜☜☜.
Subs: Essien, Lampard, Torres, Oscar, De Bruyne, Schwarzer, Cahill.
Referee: Howard Webb (S Yorkshire)
It's the All-New Everton & Chelsea Show! This afternoon at Goodison Park, Gareth Barry, James McCarthy, Samuel Eto'o and Willian are all sitting in the dressing rooms with their fresh kit on, boots polished, buffed and tapping away, itching to be named on the teamsheet so they can make their debuts. Good luck, everyone!
But which club will be happier at going into this fixture with their refreshed cast list? It's a moot point. Chelsea did the double over Everton last season. Everton, on the other hand, won the three previous league meetings between the teams at Goodison. Actually, it's probably not a moot point: Chelsea should be the happier, given that the heroes of Everton's recent wins were the long-departed Denis Stracqualursi, Jermaine Beckford and Louis Saha, while Frank Lampard scored twice here last year and is still very much about. Still, these things can play on the mind, can't they.
Recent results: Four draws on the bounce for Everton (one converted into a win in extra time against Stevenage Borough); two draws on the bounce for Chelsea (admittedly against Manchester United and Bayern Munich). Upturns in form resulting in to-and-fro classic, please!
Kick off: 5.30pm.