That's it from me. It's been all sorts of fun. Thanks!
Roberto Martínez talks!
He talks quite a lot. Here's some of it:
"I think it was the focus and the concentration more than anything. We knew we were facing a very good side. Away from home they have a terrific record. It was important we were focused and clear. We controlled the aspects of the game that we wanted to do."
On the low possession stats: "Sometimes you need to adapt to what you're going to face on the pitch, and we are capable of adapting. With the technical players they had, it was a game we had to be very solid, very well-organised, and use the dynamic football that we have.
On Moyes: "I think a lot has been said about that. I think the standing ovation he got against West Ham in the last game of last season showed it. Now there's a big rivalry, fighting for the same aims, so you're going to expect a competitive atmosphere. But everyone knows the job he did at Everton and clearly I have a lot to thank him for."
So he's being nice to United, at least, while everyone else sticks the boot in.
OK. Any more depressing statistics?
Well, that's that then. It may be that this team selection, with Cleverley and Young not even in the squad and Valencia on the bench with Welbeck, was a hint about which of United's current squad could expect to still be at Old Trafford next season if Moyes remains in charge. If so, it wasn't very encouraging.
"I think it meant a lot to the fans, and I guess in some respects the victory was for them," says Baines. "We were disappointed midweek but we wanted to bounce back and we have. We wanted to respond, to show we've got that grit about us still and we've proved that today."
The "outside chance" of Champions League of which Moyes spoke pre-match is now officially gone.
And here's a games-against-the-top-six table. Also not good reading for United, obviously.
Final score: Everton 2-0 Manchester United
90+5 mins: It's all over, and Everton complete their double over United.
90+4 mins: One final substitution, McGeady replacing Mirallas.
90+2 mins: Rooney crosses from the right, and Smalling heads wide when he shouldn't have. Here's the top half of a 2014-only Premier League table, not including today's game. Note Crystal Palace's position.
90+1 mins: We enter stoppage time, of which there will be at least four minutes. It starts with Coleman running down the right for the nth time, and Lukaku being beaten to the ball by Smalling, just.
89 mins: Everton win a corner, take it short, and concede a free-kick.
87 mins: Great chance for United! Hernández plays the ball to Rooney, who glimpses the whites of Howard's eyes – and finds the grey of his gloves. A wonderful chance, that should have been converted.
87 mins: Mata takes the ball in space on the halfway line, but Hernandez sprints well clear of the last defender before the ball is played.
86 mins: Welbeck fouls Lukaku. "Great energy from the referee," hums the Sky commentator chap.
85 mins: United will have considerable superiority in passing and possession stats today, but Everton have had the best of the last five minutes. "'What would Barcelona be like if they were rubbish?' you say. Erm... at the moment Barcelona can answer that nearly as well as ManU," notes Matt Houghton. Nearly as well, but being rubbish is one thing this United side does much better than Barça.
81 mins: Everton raid down the right again, with only Lukaku keeping up with Coleman. The full-back slides the ball into his path, but the shot is blocked.
80 mins: Save! Everton break, Coleman plays it to Naismith and he checks onto his right foot and tries to curl the ball into the far post, but De Gea saves.
79 mins: United win a free-kick on the right, Mata sends it into the mixer, and an Everton head sends it right back out again. "The strange thing about this United performance is how different it is to the aimless-cross-fest they served up a few months back against Fulham," writes Mike Morris. "It's like they can't even decide what sort of inadequate they want to be. Today it's like they're trying to answer the question 'What would it be like Barcelona were rubbish?'"
77 mins: Wonderful chance for Everton! Mirallas, who's having another good day, crosses and Naismith has run beyond Valencia into all sorts of space but spears the ball wide.
75 mins: United's final substitution sees Welbeck replace Kagawa.
74 mins: Alcaraz has that wonderful ability to look like he's played for 90 minutes when he's only been on for 25. He's just won a goal-kick, and followed that up with some top-notch grimacing.
71 mins: The arrival of Hernández has allowed Rooney to drop deep without ruining everything, which is a bonus, as he's going to drop deep whatever. United are currently dominant, but still not creating anything much.
70 mins: Everton bring Barkley off, and Osman on.
68 mins: Kagawa dinks a cross towards Mata, who's offside. This half has, so far, been considerably less humiliating for United, if far from encouraging.
65 mins: Rooney flies in as McCarthy hits the ball long. The Everton player is hurt, and his team-mates unhappy, but not only is Rooney not booked, it's not even a free-kick. I'm not convinced it was a bad decision, either – seemed hard but fair.
63 mins: Hernández tricks himself into some space, but his shot is charged down. He gets the ball back and, after a few more tricks, he passes to Fletcher, who shoots wide from 19 yards.
62 mins: Chance for Everton! Mirallas plays a pass behind Jones and Lukaku runs onto it but his first-time shot isn't cleanly struck.
61 mins: United make a double substitution, with Antonio Valencia replacing Nani, and Hernández replacing Evans. Valencia will play at right-back.
60 mins: McCarthy is booked, quite properly, for fouling Mata.
59 mins: United raid down the left and cross, and Kagawa at the far post heads uselessly to Howard.
57 mins: Buttner, who has been the least bad member of United's back four but for that second-goal offside business, concedes a corner from which Alcaraz heads weakly at De Gea.
No idea – possibly when teams who have had rogue great seasons suddenly get relegated, like Ipswich did a while back?
55 mins: Forget Moyes, of all the fury and bile pouring into my inbox by a very wide margin Wayne Rooney is the most, or rather least, popular target.
53 mins: Which they waste.
53 mins: Baines fouls Nani just outside the penalty area, and United have a very good free-kick chance.
52 mins: United attack, and Buttner does well to find Kagawa, the only team-mate ahead of him. But Everton have three players surrounding him, and steal the ball immediately.
51 mins: The impressive Coleman goes on a long run from the halfway line into the penalty area, before skewing his shot wide.
49 mins: Smalling is booked for flying into Barry, though it looked like a collision rather than an assault.
48 mins: A shot from United, struck low and hard by Kagawa from the edge of the area, but saved. "Completely disagree with what Carragher said," says Joe McGrath. "United's problem areas in this match have been central midfield and up front. Rooney has been woeful - he's offering no movement for us to attack, and is constantly dropping back and getting in the way of the nice Mata-Kagawa-Nani interplay that sometimes happens. In central midfield we've been fine in possession, but Everton's pace and technique on the counter makes Fletcher and Carrick an irrelevance when we need to defend, so our defence is completely exposed.
"This lineup and style of play would be a different proposition with a quality central midfielder and either Welbeck or Hernandez instead of Rooney. One thing that's really getting on my nerves is that United fans on some forums are complaining that Kagawa hasn't been doing enough today. For months the same fans have been crying out for some short passing possession football, but the moment any of our players aim to keep possession for more than a few seconds they start saying they've not been incisive enough. If there were opportunities to play through balls then it'd be a valid criticism, but there has been nothing to pass forward to."
46 mins: The second half gets under way and within 45 seconds United have their best chance of the game, Rooney getting the ball with his back to goal, turning to find space, turning to find space again, turning to find space again and then being tackled. Had he shot after any of his turns, he may well have scored.
Despite having the best of the first half it's Everton who make the change: Alcaraz comes on, and the presumably injured or something Distin comes off.
"For years they've had Vidic and Ferdinand to look after them. Now they're on their own and they can't handle it," says Carragher of Evans, Jones and Smalling, saying it's been "like boys against men" when Everton attack. "United haven't turned up," says Dwight Yorke. "This was a walk in the park."
Half-time: Everton 2-0 Manchester United
The Grim Reaper may have been sitting behind David Moyes, but he wasn't half as grim as what was in front of him. A(nother) depressing half of football from the deposed champions, who have conceded twice and created little, and deservedly trail.
45+1 mins: Into the only minute we're going to get of stoppage time, and Rooney takes a corner from the left. It hits Gareth Barry's head and flies straight into Howard's arms – a yard to either side and United would have been back in the game.
GOAL! Everton 2-0 Manchester United (Mirallas, 43 mins)
Mata takes out Baines in Everton's half but the referee waves play on and Everton take full advantage on the break. Key to the goal is Buttner's decision to stand four yards deeper than any other defender as Mirallas ran through, playing him onside, and his low shot flies across the keeper and in.
41 mins: Nani's cross from the right finds Rooney's head, but only the very top of it, and nothing much comes of it. "Top centre is statistically least saved," notes penalty-analyst Clive Darwell. "Bottom centre is a good safe bet when nervous though why anyone would feel nervous taking a pen v Utd at the moment is a mystery."
39 mins: United are pushing men forward, and Everton are waiting for them to do so and then breaking. The nearest either has come to creating a chance was when United attacked, Everton countered and then United countercountered, only for Rooney, played through, to be given offside.
37 mins: Apparently eight new twitter accounts have been set up in the name of the Grim Reaper in the last half-hour.
34 mins: Rooney with a delightful scissor-kick! Unfortunately for fans of goalscoring, it was in his own penalty area, as he cleared Mirallas's corner.
32 mins: Another long spell of United possession, and this one ends with a decent cross from the right by Nani, and a clearance by McCarthy.
29 mins: At the other end, a good low cross from Buttner is well cleared at the near post by Stones.
GOAL! Everton 1-0 Manchester United (Baines, 28 mins)
Baines hits the penalty low down the middle, and it flicks off De Gea's foot on its way in. Middle-aimed penalties are all the rage at the moment, puzzlingly. The top corner is way cooler.
Penalty to Everton!
Lukaku tries to curl the ball into the far post with his left foot, and Jones, lying down after throwing himself about for some reason, blocks the shot with an outstretched arm. He's booked as well.
26 mins: United have possession for a while in not particularly dangerous areas, then attempt to work it into a dangerous area and give it away. "Moyes reckons United have an 'outside chance' at a Champions League spot," notes Ric Arthur. "'Outside' meaning mathematically possible, but staggeringly improbable? If they win all 5 remaining games including this one, City would have to lose all their remaining 5 if they were to be overtaken; or Arsenal would have to get at most 2 points from their remaining 3 games AND Everton would have to get at most 6 points from their remaining 4 games, including this one; or some other combination of failures of these three teams (and I'm not even reckoning in Spurs). Any mathematician care to work out the odds?" Yes, how Moyes managed to say that with a straight face is perhaps the most remarkable thing about his tenure so far.
22 mins: Great chance for Everton! A long ball is pumped into the area to Lukaku, who heads back to the totally lonesome Naismith, who blazes high. He could have taken it down, smoked a pipe and still had time to tuck it in the corner.
20 mins: Penalty claim! A cross from the right, Naismith meets it in the middle and Evans, leaping to block, blocks. But did it hit his hand? The crowd thinks so, but replays suggest it was the back of his shoulder. Anyway, the referee is unimpressed.
19 mins: They've thrown him out!
18 mins: On the PA, United's fans are told not to stand up and that blocking the vomitories will result in their allocation being reduced next season. We've had death and vomit, and the match isn't even 20 minutes old.
16 mins: This is a little bit creepy. I'm not sure it's to be encouraged. On the pitch, incidentally, the teams are huffing and puffing with no great precision.
13 mins: Here's photographic evidence of the reaper rumour being true. Either that or he's the villain in Spider-Man 4 and they're doing some filming.
11 mins: Coleman races down the right again, but still can't find an accurate cross. He is, though, making Kagawa's afternoon a little difficult.
9 mins: A cross from the right falls kindly for Barkley, whose left-foot half-volley flies way over. This sounds interesting – might it be the actual reaper?
8 mins: United fans sing "Justice for the 39" – a Heysel reference – prompting Everton's supporters into a bit more booing.
5 mins: The teams compete to give the ball to the other in the most unnecessary way, until Mirallas pulls back Fletcher and United have a free-kick.
3 mins: A fabulous run by Coleman on the right ends with a bit of a bobbins cross, which is easily cleared.
1 min: Some nice play from Mata ends with the ball looping up into Nani's chest, but his left-foot volley from just outside the penalty area is blocked.
1 min: Manchester United get the match under way, and immediately ping the ball out of play for an Everton throw-in. "This has to be United's most attacking lineup under Moyes," suggests Ore Popoola. "Even if United end up losing, seems like Moyes is getting the hang on things."
Boos ring out as David Moyes steps out and shakes Roberto Martínez by the hand. But not for very long. "As a Manchester united fan I feel as if this is the last important game of the season for us as there's not much to play for," writes Lauren. "Wishing for a win but I know with this season it's one step forward & two back so i'm going to stay optimistically cautious."
"Afternoon Simon," writes Simon McMahon, as the players emerge from the tunnel. Hello. "It's hard to know where to start with that Bye Bye Moyes 'banner'*. Aside from the fact that it looks like it was made by a three year old holding a paintbrush in his or her mouth, to have spelling, grammar and punctuation errors within a five word sentence is quite something. Innit?" I don't know how old its creator was, but they were probably feeling very emotional at the time.
* For latecomers, Simon is referring to the picture that was at the top of the page at the time. For reference, it looked like this:
David Moyes on being the centre of attention today: "Well [I'm] not. It's about two teams. One team is trying to make a Champions League spot, and we've still got an outside chance, but we want to finish as high up the table as we can. So the concentration is totally on the game."
"If we're tweeting @ you, it should be 'in 126 characters or less' #justsayin," pointofinformations Philip Podolsky. Or fewer, Philip. But yes, fair point.
This isn't Everton's only home game of the day – the ladies' match against Notts County is currently in stoppage time, and they're 2-0 down.
If I'm not very much mistaken, those socks are lilac. Lilac! In my day you'd have been hounded out the game for good, etc.
Right, I'm going to stop this nonsense now – I've got a picture of a player wearing unusually-coloured socks to show you.
Back! Back! BACK!!!! These are special moments, as – in the space of a single month – we enjoy the returns of Jack Bauer to our TV screens, Spider-Man to the world's multiplexes and David Moyes to Goodison Park, one after the other. Three flawed heroes who for all their imperfections have still managed to entertain, to exasperate and still to save the world. Well, two of them have saved the world. And for all this, miserable ingrates criticise. Can we not see what these men have achieved, what they have sacrificed for us? And, more specifically, couldn't they organise a job swap?
Everton: Howard, Coleman, Stones, Distin, Baines, McCarthy, Barry, Lukaku, Barkley, Mirallas, Naismith. Subs: Robles, Hibbert, McGeady, Deulofeu, Osman, Garbutt, Alcaraz.
Man Utd: De Gea, Jones, Smalling, Evans, Buttner, Carrick, Fletcher, Nani, Mata, Kagawa, Rooney. Subs: Giggs, Lindegaard, Hernandez, Welbeck, Valencia, Fellaini, Januzaj.
Referee: Mark Clattenburg.
You'll notice Buttner, Evans, Nani and Mata returning to the United team, and Naismith and McCarthy slotting in for Everton. Of United's former Evertonians Wayne Rooney is their captain, and Marouane Fellaini is their substitute, or one of them.