Right, that's it from me. I'd like to thank the makers of MASK, the Lighthouse Family, E Honda and, of course, you, dear reader, for all your emails. Apologies for not getting through them all. Be sure to stick around on site for all the report and reaction from all tonight's games. But, from me, cheerio!
PEEP! Rubin swing a late free-kick into the box but it comes to nothing. Job half done for Chelsea. They'll fancy their chances of finishing it off in Moscow.
90+2 min: … When it all gets dark again, the whole thing falls apart I guess it doesn't really matter 'bout the rain, coz we'll get through it anyway …
90 min: Two added minutes to play. Ramires almost gets them off to a roaring start with a long-range volley that flashes a yard or two wide.
88 min: A shockingly bad Azpilicueta throw-in (so not so fastidious, then) hands possession straight to Rubin, but they can't take advantage
87 min: Karedeniz sparks a moment of panic with a cross from the right that seems to confound a couple of Chelsea defenders, but the fastidious Azpilicueta tidies up.
86 min: Orbaiz goes into the book for a lunging trip on Ramires.
85 min: We're drifting towards the conclusion here. We're in Lighthouse Family territory.
83 min: "Re: E Honda, in my youth Sega Power magazines used to do novels of their games where I learned of Edmond Honda and, more shockingly, Marcus Bison," writes Will Hardy, who has just turned my world upside down.
82 min: Torres almost gets a sniff of his hat-trick but the flag goes up. Benayoun makes way for Marin.
81 min: … taken short , at which point someone in the ground will have turned to the person sitting next to them and said: "A short one? We never score from short ones." On this occasion, they're right.
80 min: Hazard skips past Kaleshin and wins a corner off the retreating Kuzmin …
78 min: "Is Torres better with a mask on?" wonders Edward Painter. Everything's better with a mask on. I think it might be a bit like these chaps:
77 min: Off goes Juan Mata, another two assists in his back pocket, and on comes Oscar.
76 min: Benayoun goes hammering into Ansaldi, who does the whole writhe-until-the-yellow-card-comes-out schtick.
75 min: Terry bundles over Rondon to give Rubin a free-kick on the edge of the centre circle. It's quickly taken and Karedeniz is almost in, but a) can't control the pass and b) is offside.
73 min: Pass, pass, pass from Chelsea as they look to take the sting out of the game (not that there's been a great deal of sting from the visitors).
72 min: That was quite a 60-second spell.
GOAL! Chelsea 3-1 Rubin Kazan (Torres 70)
Eremenko appeals for a handball as he smites Terry with a cross – it was about as much a pen as the one given – and Chelsea break. The ball is worked out to Mata on the left, and the Spaniard clips in an absolute beauty of a cross, a cross that doesn't scream "HEAD ME IN!" but purrs it. Torres, between two defenders, does the necessary with a thumping header.
68 min: Ryzhikov lumps a routine backpass out for a throw in, little more than 20 yards from the byline, in strangely panicky fashion. It was like someone had passed him a ball covered in rattlesnakes.
66 min: Sartorial news from Stamford Bridge from Philippe Auclair:
65 min: Come in No13, your time is up. Victor Moses gets a warm response as his number goes up. Hazard replaces him.
64 min: Rubin break and Natcho feeds Rondon on the edge of the box. David Luiz gets himself completely tangled, with his body going one way and his head trying to go another, but the Venezuelan striker doesn't do enough with the shot and Cech saves with ease. That was a very fine chance for the visitors.
63 min: John Terry rumbles through midfield and sparks a Chelsea attack courtest of a delicate little backheel flick over his head. Not something you every day.
61 min: Mata finds space in midfield and looks up to see Blue shirts flying forward. The momentum is lost by a Torres pass back to Azapilicueta, and the entire attack ends when Ramires shanks wide.
59 min: Mata swings in a corner, Ryzhikov flaps like a baby bird dropping out of the nest for the first time and the ball drops just over via a Chelsea noggin (though I'm not entirely sure which one).
58 min: Kuzmin almost puts Kaleshin in round the back of the Chelsea left, but Benayoun does well to sprint back and snuff out the danger.
56 min: … Natcho swings it in, Cech punches it onto the back of Sharonov's head and the ball plops over the bar.
55 min: Rondon picks the ball up on the left and feeds Karedeniz. He wriggles to the touchline and wins a corner from Ramires …
54 min: Moses goes down in the box under Karedeniz's challenge. Rocchi – who didn't have a particularly good view of it – is unmoved.
53 min: Rubin, having grabbed their goal, are sitting deep and giving Chelsea plenty of time and space in midfield.
51 min: Moses – who impresses every time I see him. Nigeria's gain is England's loss – wins a corner with another surge down the right. It's slun in by Mata, but Rubin stand firm.
50 min: Fine save from Ryzhikov! David Luiz pulls back to Moses, Moses dabs through to Mata and Mata, from close range, looks to have beaten the keeper only for Ryzhikov to drop smartly to his right to make the block.
49 min: … Mata swirls it in, but a Rubin boot is first to it as it drops loose inside the box.
48 min: Torres wins a free-kick 40-odd yards from the Rubin goal …
47 min: Azpilicueta lofts a ball into the Rubin box … but can only find Ryzhikov.
46 min: Rondon's first act is to attempt to find the charging Eremenko inside the Chelsea area. His second act is to fail to do so.
PEEP! Off we go again. Rubin have replaced Dyadyun with Rondon, who I think I'm right in saying is the second-highest scorer left in the competition.
Half-time Things I've Just Learned dept
E Honda's first name is Edmond. Who knew?
Half-time email dept
"Under what rule does Terry get the yellow card?" wonders Ben Sullivan. "Surely if it's deliberate handball it's red. And if it's accidental it's not. Can anyone explain?"
Refereeing incompetence is the only explanation I can come up with. The official laws say: "Referees are reminded that deliberately handling the ball is normally punished only by a direct free-kick or penalty kick if the offence occurred inside the penalty area. A caution or dismissal is not normally required."
PEEP! PEEP! And that's half-time. A pipe-and-slippers-comfortable position for Chelsea has suddenly become a lot less cosy.
44 min: The impressive Ansaldi lets fly from long range and this time he has Cech scrabbling a touch – it's a foot or two wide.
43 min: "Surely they haven't pedestrianised Norwich City Centre?" fumes Thomas Hopkins. "Did they forget that traders need access to Dixons?"
42 min: It's been something of a theme this seaosn and I've said this before but I do feel the handball rule needs looking at. E Honda wouldn't have been able to get his hands out of the way of that shot.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-1 Rubin Kazan (Natcho 41)
Natcho keeps his cool and sends Cech the wrong way.
PENALTY TO RUBIN KAZAN!
40 min: Ansaldi comes inside and from close range hammers the ball at John Terry's arm. Rocchi points to the spot.
THERE'S A BALL ON THE PITCH!
39 min: Very weird this. Rubin are threatening down the right through Eremenko and as he looks to cross, a ball bounces on from behind the goal. Play stopped.
38 min: Eremenko lines up a shot from fully 40 yards out. It's fully 40 yards high.
37 min: "Seeing as I'm flicking between three MBMs at the same time, on first reading I honestly thought that the Rubin Kazan keeper was called 'Ryzhikov Supermanning'," writes Simon McMahon. "It's a cool name for a goalie, mind. Almost as cool as Cech Batmobile. Or Hamish McAlpine."
36 min: That second goal should bring the visitors out of their shell a touch at least. Cesar Navas flicks on a corner at the near post, but his team-mates can't take advantage.
35 min: The corner, eventually, comes to four-fifths of nothing.
34 min: Dyadyun came off rather the worse there. He's off for treatment.
33 min: Dyadyun and David Luiz chase after a through-ball but Cech doesn't want them to have all the fun. He comes haring off his line and clatters into the pair of them, with the ball bobbling away for a corner.
GOAL! Chelsea 2-0 Rubin Kazan (Moses 32)
Who are you and what have you done with Rubin Kazan? Ryzhikov almost dives underneath Torres's bouncing shot but just about claws it away, though that's just a cue for some statuesque defending from the Russians. The ball drops out to Moses on the edge of the box and he sends a beautiful volley whistling past the keeper.
31 min: "Have Chelsea fans given up the Di Matteo tribute clap (not quite sure what else to call it)?" wonders Ian Copestake. Think its absence may have been down to the fact that they do it in the 16th minute, so Torres's goal got in the way.
30 min: Orbaiz gift wraps possession and hands it to Lampard. Lampard sends the gift back like an unwanted pair of socks.
28 min: Well, from these opening exchanges it's tough to see how this Rubin side have beaten both Atleti and Inter in this competition. They look as pedestrian as Norwich city centre thus far.
27 min: Natcho looks to put Dyadyun in behind with a outside-of-the-boot loft, but it's far too heavy. Dyadyun looks back at his midfield team-mate and offers a couple of words of fury.
25 min: … swung in by Mata and flicked away by a Rubin defender with Ryzhikov Supermanning off his line in only the very vaguest direction of the ball.
24 min: Moses wins a corner on the Chelsea right …
23 min: Natcho crunches another shot at goal, but this one is even more comfortable for Cech.
22 min: After a pretty drab opening 15 minutes this is quite a lively affair now.
21 min: Bertrand gets down the Rubin right and moves threateningly into the box, but again his cross can't find a target. Unless that target was a Rubin defender. Which I doubt it was.
20 min: Natcho sends a dipping shot towards Cech from distance, but the Chelsea keeper does well to punch the ball clear.
19 min: Going back to the goal, it looked on first viewing like a great fumbling, bumbling bit of play from both Torres and the defender, but on replays you can see Torres reacting very sharply to turn the ball home. So there was at least a modicum of quality amid the fumbling and the bumbling.
18 min: Torres rabonas – rabonas! – a cross in the direction of Mata, but it's just cut out by the Rubin back four.
GOAL! Chelsea 1-0 Rubin Kazan (Torres 16)
How did this get in? Luiz pops a ball over the back four, Torres takes it down six yards out, is bundled over by Sharonov, but the defender tumbles as well and the ball trundles back out for Torres to poke home. A very odd goal, but a goal nevertheless.
14 min: Chelsea string a few passes together in midfield, but Moses attempts an optimistic flick and Rubin pick up possession.
12 min: Torres hip-bumps Sharonov from underneath a high ball and turns to volley at goal, but it's a poor effort and comfortable for Ryzhikov.
11 min: Mata is loose with possession, then Kuzmin is even looser.
10 min: A glorious little moment from Mata, who picks up the ball on the edge of the box, turns past one defender, nutmegs another (in the process leaving a third floundering) but can't find anyone with his pass.
9 min: The teams play hot potato with the ball 40 yards from the Rubin goal, and Mata's attempted dink is a two iron rather than a pitching wedge and straight through Ryzhikov in the Rubin goal.
8 min: Eremenko picks the ball up in midfield and works it out to the left where Ansaldi picks it up. He leathers a shot at goal but it's wild and well wide.
6 min: Ansaldi sends a ball down the left touchline which David Luiz threatens to make a pig's ear of the clearance, but a fortunate bounce of the closing striker's head drops back to a Chelsea shirt.
5 min: Terry sweeps a wonderful ball out to Moses, and his cross causes a little consternation in the Rubin backline. After a quick scramble, the referee awards a free-kick to the visitors.
4 min: Bertrand sends a ball down the left channel … and somehow it ends up in the keeper's hands. I say somehow, because I managed to press a wrong button and find myself, briefly, watching some motorcycling in the dark.
3 min: Mata and Benayoun combine down the right but the former can't pick anyone out with his cross. From the other side Azpilicueta does likewise.
2 min: Ramires jumps over Eremenko, giving the trequartista a whack as he does so. Rubin take the free-kick short and work the ball from the back.
1 min: For all Rafael Benitez's fervour for this competition, Stamford Bridge is very quiet.
Peep! The referee – Rocchi is in charge tonight (much as he was in the latter stages against Apollo Creed) – blows his whistle and Rubin Kazan, in burgundy, get things underway.
Time for the Europa League anthem …
… which is exactly the same as the Champions League anthem apart from that bit in the end where instead of "THE CHAAAAAAMMPIOOONNS!!" you get "THE FOURTH PLACED, CUP WINNERS AND VARIOUS CHAMPIONS LEAGUE OUUUUTCCCAASSSSTSS!!"
The teams are in the Stamford Bridge tunnel …
… click-clack, click-clack.
But Chelsea aren't the only ones who can make history in this competition. Rubin can make history simply over these two legs:
Chelsea: Cech, Azpilicueta, Terry, David Luiz, Bertrand, Ramires, Lampard, Moses, Benayoun, Mata, Torres. Subs: Turnbull, Ivanovic, Oscar, Mikel, Hazard, Ferreira, Marin.
Rubin Kazan: Ryzhikov, Cesar Navas, Kuzmin, Kaleshin, Ansaldi, Sharonov, Orbaiz, Roman Eremenko, Karadeniz, Natcho, Dyadyun. Subs: Arlauskis, Ryazantsev, Kasaev, Kisliak, Marcano, Tore, Rondon.
Referee: Gianluca Rocchi (Italy)
So a few of Chelsea's fringe fellows – Bertrand, Moses, Benayoun and, these days, John Terry – get a run out.
Evening all. And welcome to the latest installment of Chelsea's quest for a little piece of football history. It's not been noted much but if the Blues can somehow battle their way to victory in the Europa League they'll become the first club in the history of the game to be the reigning European Cup and Uefa Cup holders at the same time. And it's a honour that will last for a week, at which point Barcelona beat Dortmund in the Champions League final and take one of Chelsea's crowns.
They would also become the fourth side to win all three major continental honours, joining Juventus, Ajax and Bayern München on that list. Oof!
But for any of that they've got to get past this dangerous Rubin Kazan side. They came out on top of a group that included Internazionale earlier in the competition, hammering the Italians 3-0 in Russia and being denied by a 92nd-minute Inter equaliser at San Siro as they did so. They've already done for Atletico Madrid and held Levante in the knockout stages, and they've not been beaten in any of their five away games in the Europa League this season.
Chelsea, for their part, are unbeaten in 11 European games at Stamford Bridge since losing to Manchester United in the quarter-finals of the 2010-11 Champions League. But they haven't found the Europa League a doddle since dropping out of Big Cup – both Sparta Prague and Steaua Bucharest have given them problems.
It's the fourth best team in England v the fourth best team in Russia and it could actually be rather fun.