So that's that, then. It was a fairly valiant attempt from Manchester United, but as their players grew leggy from chasing shadows, they dropped deep and let Arjen Robben and Franck Ribery wreak their unique brand of havoc. Thanks for your time and your emails and conduct your post mortems in the comments sections beneath the match report when it goes up on our website shortly. And what about Atletico Madrid, eh?
Peeep! Peep! Peeeeeeeeeeeeep! It's all over. Bayern Munich win 3-1 on the night and 4-2 on aggregate to go through to the semi-finals, where they will face one of Chelsea, Real Madrid and ... Atletico Madrid. Wow.
90+2 min: Phil Jones fouls Mandzukic to gift Bayern Munich a free-kick. It's almost certainly the last thing a Manchester United player will do in this tournament for at least one season.
90+1 min: Wayne Rooney tries to pick out Javier Hernandez with a long pass, but overhits and watches in disappointment as the ball sails wide.
90 min: As well as they've played against such vastly superior opposition at home and away, Manchester United are getting the runaround now. They're feeding off scraps, struggling to win any possession.
89 min: It's going to be odd watching a Champions League in which Manchester United don't feature next season, eh? There'll be three minutes of stoppage time.
88 min: Claudio Pizarro shoots straight at David De Gea from about eight yards out after being teed up by Franck Ribery, who'd galloped through the centre and laid off the ball from the edge of the penalty area.
87 min: The ball's crossed low and hard into the Bayern penalty from the right flank, but it whizzes a couple of yards behind Javier Hernandez and out of play.
84 min: United manage to win possession and launch an attack. With Wayne Rooney lurking with intent, the ball's crossed into the Bayern penalty area, but Rafinha hacks it clear. Danger averted and Bayern have the ball again.
84 min: Bayern substitution: Claudio Pizarro on, Thomas Muller off.
81 min: Needing two goals, Manchester United have no choice but to throw the kitchen sink at Bayern, but are struggling to do so as they can't get the ball from them. The German side have definitely cranked things up a notch since taking what looks like an unassailable lead. This could get ugly.
80 min: Manchester United substitution: Danny Welbeck off, Adnan Januzaj on. Welbeck's played well tonight, up front and in his role as auxiliary left-back, trying to keep a handle on a certain pesky Dutchman.
78 min: Booking I didn't get around to telling you about due to all the excitment: Rafinha was carded for a foul on Danny Welbeck.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 3-1 Manchester United (agg: 4-2) (Robben 75) Arjen Robben cuts in from the right and then dances across the edge of the Manchester United penalty area with the ball at his feet, trying to make room for a shot. He eventually unleashes a daisy-cutter that takes a slight deflection off Vidic and rolls past the outstretched fingertips of De Gea and into the bottom left-hand corner. Barring a miracle, the jig is up for United.
74 min: Another goal for United would give them the advantage on away goals, so all is far from lost. They're about to make a substitution: Darren Fletcher makes way for Javier Hernandez. A quick observation about Bayern's first goal - I suspect it wouldn't have happened on Jose Mourinho's watch. I think Evra and various other players were still reliving the opening goal as Mandzukic stole in to score.
72 min: There are screams for a penalty as Vidic slides in to dispossess Muller on the left-hand side of the Manchester United penalty area. The referee remains unmoved and correcrtly so - that was a good, clean tackle.
69 min: Patrice Evra gets booked for a foul on Arjen Robben who was chasing an undercooked back-pass down the inside right channel. Did he prevent a clear goalscoring opportunity? It's difficult to say, but assorted Bayern players seem to think so. It was certainly the kind of opportunity that is usually meat and drink to Robben. A more strict referee might have sent Evra off.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 2-1 Manchester United (agg: 3-2) (Muller 67) From the right-hand side of the penalty area, Arjen Robben tries to square the ball across the edge of the Manchester United six-yard box. Thomas Muller is in quick as a flash to get his toe in front of Vidic and poke the ball past De Gea.
65 min: Two Bayern Munich corners in quick succession come to nothing, with Mandzukic heading wide from the second. Bayern Munich substitution: Mario Gotze off, Rafinha on. A right-back for a midfielder ... hmmm.
64 min: While I was bringing you up to speed, Manchester United squandered a great opportunity to restore their lead. Danny Welbeck rolled the ball to Wayne Rooney who was in acres of space just 12 yards from the Bayern goal, but the Manchester United No10 scuffed a shot wide when he should have done much better.
59 min: From close range, but a tight angle, Franck Ribery shoots into the side-netting after Bayern break on the coutner from a Manchester United corner. Anyway, you'll be wanting to know more about those goals - Evra's was a screamer. He ran diagonally on to a pulled back cross of sorts and met it perfectly at the edge of the D on the penalty area, sending the ball screaming past Neuer into the right side of the goal. Just 22 seconds after the restart, Evra was at fault, letting Mandzukic get in front of him to head a cross from the left into the bottom right-hand corner.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 1-1 Manchester United (agg: 2-2) (Mandzukic 58) As Manchester United's players continue congratulating each other for going ahead, Bayern Munich equalise courtesy of a Mark Mandzukic header past David De Gea. If it stays like this after 90 minutes, there'll be extra time.
GOAL! Bayern Munich 0-1 Manchester United (agg: 1-2) (Evra 57) No siree, they're not being bossed around at all. Patrice Evra puts them ahead with a stunning strike from the edge of the penalty area.
56 min: Manchester United aren't being bossed around quite as much in this half as they were in the last.
54 min: Sound the "shot on target" klaxon. Shinji Kagawa advances on the Bayern penalty area and unleashes a rasping drive from about 25 yards. It's quite venomous, but not so much that it troubles Manuel Neuer unduly. He saves comfortably.
53 min: Mandzukic attempts to volley a cross from Ribery goalward from about 20 yards, but his shot is blocked by Vidic.
52 min: Another corner for Bayern, which Robben takes on the left. His delivery only makes it as far as the near post, where Rooney heads clear for Manchester United.
49 min: The ball's played long down the inside left and falls kindly for Rooney on the left-hand side of the Bayern penalty area. He attempts to hook it over a defender and fashion a shot, but is foiled. Not long before, Bayern had a corner which Vidic headed clear once again. He can do that all night.
48 min: There's a break in play as Chris Smalling lies on the ground in the Bayern penalty area, visibly gasping for breath. I think he was winded by Neuer as the goalkeeper came out to clear the previous corner.
47 min: Rooney plays the ball into the box again, where Manuel Neuer's attempt at a punched clearance is fairly unconvincing. Unfortunately for United, the ball doesn't break to one of their players and their hosts clear their lines.
46 min: Danny Welbecxk wins a corner for United, off Philipp Lahm. Wayne Rooney swings the ball into the mixer from the left. His cross is deep, to the far post, where Phil Jones leaps highest to win another corner on the other side.
Second half: Manchester United kick off, knowing they have to score a goal in this second half or exit this year's Champions League. There are no changes on either side.
Accidental foreign correspondent Drew Gough writes ...
"Waiting in transit in Istanbul and watching both games at a sports bar playing bad techno music instead of game commentary," he corresponds. "Based on the heavily accented shouts of 'shit!' whenever Bayern miss a chance, I think I can safely report that Istanbul is still a pretty unfriendly place for United."
This from Jonathan Wilson
If you're in the pub, you can impress your mates by passing this off as your own opinion. I don't really know what it means. What's a lack of verticality?
An email from Alex Amponsah: "Seems like you could just copy and paste 'Bayern regain possession'," he says. Yes, that and "Robben cuts inside". The Dutchman's been a constant threat throughout the first half, but hasn't looked like scoring.
Half-time: It's been a fairly dull encounter, but Manchester United and their fans won't be one bit bothered about that. They've been under fairly relentless pressure from Bayern, but their goalkeeper David De Gea hasn't had to make a save yet. Neither has his opposite number, mind and Manchester United will need to beat him in the second half if they are to pull of a most unlikely victory and make it to the semi-final.
45 min: Jerome Boateng performs the last action of the first half, shooting high over the bar from distance.
44 min: Gotze attacks down the right flank for Bayern, making his way to the goal-line before attempting to pull the ball back for Robben. Darren Fletcher read his intentions, intercepted and cleared.
42 min: Arjen Robben robs Danny Welbeck of possession in the Manchester United left-back position, cuts inside again and shoots goalwards. His rasping drive goes out for a corner off Phil Jones. Nothing comes of it.
40 min: Driving through the centre, Philipp Lahm pokes the ball forwards, in the direction of Arjen Robben on the edge of the penalty area. He's crowded off the ball and United clear again.
39 min: As Patrice Evra gets treatment after a coming together with Philipp Lahm, Ryan Giggs barks instructions at Wayne Rooney and Danny Welbeck, who have sauntered over to the Manchester United technical area for a drink of water.
37 min: Cutting in from the right flank, Arjen Robben tees up Toni Kroos for a shot from just outside the penalty area. Choosing precision and accuracy over power, the midfielder tries to beat David De Gea with a looping shot, but his effort goes over the bar.
36 min: Jones, Fletcher and Kagawa try to create something ... anything ... with some dinky trianglular passing down in the Bayern left-back position. A promising looking move comes unstuck when they're swarmed by men in red shirts.
35 min: Another corner for Bayern, which Kroos pings across the edge of the six-yard box from the right. Nemanja Vidic clears with a thumping header.
34 min: More backs to the wall defending from Manchester United, with Danny Welbeck contesting a high ball with Philipp Lahm in the left-back position, before Michael Carrick hoofs clear.
32 min: From the centre of the park, Gotze plays the ball out to Robben on the inside right and he tries to play it on towards Mandzukic. United intercept and clear. They're under the cosh, but doing OK. Bayern have looked fairly toothless thus far.
30 min: Manchester United win a throw-in about halfway inside the Bayern Munich half. Jones takes it, before Rooney and Valencia try to create something down the right flank, but neither man is allowed settle on the ball, which Bayern win back.
28 min: Nemanja Vidic gets booked for some indiscretion perpetrated on Mario Mandzukic. He's mystified by referee Jonas Eriksson's decision to book him and he's not the only one. I genuinely have no idea what he's been cautioned for on this occasion.
27 min: Cutting in from the left, Franck Ribery tries his luck from distance. His fizzing drive bounces about a foot wide of the left upright, but it's probably safe to say that De Gea had it covered.
25 min: Another corner for Bayern Munich, which Toni Kroos takes from the right. David De Gea claims the ball and tries to send Danny Welbeck on his way. Bayern regain possession.
24 min: A wild cross from David Alaba flies high over the Manchester United goal. At the side of the pitch, Danny Welbeck is engaged in some manner of boot maintenance. I think one from the pair he put on originally has torn or split.
24 min: David De Gea takes a kick-out and punts the ball straight out over the touchline, a fair way into the Bayern half.
19 min: Great play from Gotze, who sashays between two United defenders on the left-hand side of the penalty area, before playing a beautifully weighted pass for Franck Ribery to chase and presumably dink over the goalkeeper. The Frenchman is too slow and eventually miscues, firing over under extreme pressure from Chris Smalling.
18 min: Toni Kroos picks out Robben with another pass to the right touchline. United clear.
16 min: Antonio Valencia heads the ball into the Bayern goal from close range after getting on the end of a cross from Wayne Rooney. His effort won't count, as both he and Kagawa were both offside when Rooney crossed.
15 min: Bayern build from the back again, this time courtesy of the bushy-haired Dante. He lays a short ball forward to Philipp Lahm, who plays it out to Robben on the right touchline. He cuts inside and shoots. Wide again.
13 min: Out by the touchline near the halfway line, David Alaba picks out Toni Kroos, who is upended by Danny Welbeck. Free-kick for Bayern Munich. The ball's sent down the left and finds its way to Arjen Robben. He shimmies this way and that, before his first attempt at a cross is cut out by Kagawa. The ball bounces back to Robben, who creates room for a shot, but sends the ball wide.
10 min: Arjen Robben scampers down the right wing, cuts inside and picks out Thomas Muller. The ball's crossed into the Manchester United and headed clear again. They've defended stoutly thus far - Bayern are monopolising the possession, as everyone expected, but have yet to create anything resembling a chance of note.
7 min: More pressure from Bayern, who have spent most of the game in and around the Manchester United penalty area. Manchester United clear and the ball finds its way to Wayne Rooney on the edge of the final third. He doesn't seem quite sure what to do, dithers a little and ends up failing to get off a shot. That was uncharacteristically indecisive from him. The ball's cleared out to the left flank, from where Shinji Kagawa sends it back into the mixture. Rooney contests the header with Dante, there's a clash of heads and the Brazilian goes down hurt. Rooney gets a ticking-off from the referee, who seems to think he led with his elbow.
5 min: Mandzukic attempts to get on the end of a cross from the right and Chris Smalling intercepts, heading the ball out for another corner. Unmarked, Muller comes around the back of a group of players to try to convert a training-ground corner, but doesn't get any power on his shot. United were caught napping there; they need to be more alert.
4 min: Thomas Muller goes down injured after contesting a header in the Manchester United penalty area with Chris Smalling, as he tried to convert an Arjen Robben cross from the right. There was a clash of heads, but it's nothing too serious - both players are fit to continue.
3 min: Bayern win the first corner, courtesy of Phil Jones, who puts the ball out of play as he blocks another cross from the left from Ribery. Arjen Robben takes the corner, sends the ball into the penalty area and Nemanja Vidic heads clear.
2 min: Arjen Robben runs through the centre, gets to the edge of the Manchester United penalty area and plays the ball wide to Franck Ribery on the left wing. His completely over-hits his cross and Manchester United are off the hook for now.
1 min: Bayern Munich get the ball rolling in every sense of the word, with their players kitted out in red shirts, red shorts and red socks. Manchester United's players wear navy shirts, navy shorts and navy socks.
Not long now ...
The players are out on the pitch and have lined up on either side of the match officials. The Champions League anthem is playing. Prediction time: an easy win for Bayern ahoy, in my opinion. If you're a United fan, don't worry. I was convinced Chelsea would go out last night too.
An email from Giovanni Pisoni ...
"Just noticing that Bayern have quite a crazy attacking lineup," he says. "Midfield trio of Kroos, Gotze and Muller: one a reasonably offensive midfielder and two who usually play as forwards ... behind the front three! Does that show that Guardiola is confident Bayern can just destroy United?"
A gallery of tonight's match ...
The lads on our picture desk have set up this gallery for tonight's game and will be adding to it throughout the match. Enjoy.
The Daily Mirror are banned from tonight's game
Following last week's match, they used a punny headline that displeased Bayern Munich, who took revenge by not granting their reporters accreditation for tonight's match. Resourceful Mirror chief sportswriter Oliver Holt appears to have made his way into the stadium anyway, possibly using a grappling hook and a long length of rope if his photo in the tweet below is anything to go by. Here's hoping he isn't afraid of heights.
Some tactical insight ...
Don't worry, it's not mine. It's from Michael Cox of Zonal Marking, who knows far more about these matters than I do.
In the Sky studio ...
The pundits are a bit baffled by David Moyes's decision to drop Rio Ferdinand in favour of Chris Smalling. They think Rio is tailor-made for an occasion such as this evening's and seem convinced he would be the better option ion a game where Manchester United are almost certainly going to have to do a lot of defending deep in their own half.
David Moyes speaks ...
Upon being asked why there's no place for Rio Ferdinand in his side, he says that Chris Smalling's athleticism might benefit his team tonight. He also says that his team will have to counter-attack at the right times and be wary of Bayern's pressing game. "We need to get a goal some time in the game tonight and if we could get them chasing the game that would suit us," he says. "We've given ourselves a chance." It's fair to say he's under no illusions about the difficulty of the task facing his side, but he seems in bullish mood.
Sky Sports have their A-team in the studio tonight
Jeff Stelling is in the big chair, asking the searching questions of Jamie Carragher, Gary Neville and Graeme Souness. "You still have to side with Bayern Munich," says Carragher, after desperately trying to make a case for a Manchester United victory. Alongside him, Souness says that, like Wayne Rooney, he too once played a European match with a painkilling injection in an injured toe. "Your foot feels about twice as big as it normally does," he says. "You've got no feel for the ball."
Bayern Munich v Manchester United line-ups
Bayern Munich: Neuer, Dante, Boateng, Alaba, Lahm, Kroos, Götze, Müller, Ribéry, Robben, Mandzukić
Subs: Raeder, van Buyten, Rafinha, Pizarro, Weiser, Hojbjerg, Weihrauch.
Manchester United: De Gea, Jones, Smalling, Vidic, Evra, Fletcher, Carrick, Valencia, Kagawa, Rooney, Welbeck
Subs: Lindegaard, Büttner, Ferdinand, Giggs, Januzaj, Young, Hernandez.
Some team news ...
And what source could be more reliable than entertaining and informative tweeter and all round Norwegian in-the-know, Jan Age Fjortoft.
Good evening everybody ...
Trailing on away goals, United travel to Germany needing to score at least once in a stadium in which their hosts last failed to score on 13 March last year, when they suffered a 2-0 defeat at the hands of Arsenal. If they are to progress to the semi-finals, you get the feeling just one goal almost certainly won't be enough.
But United can take heart from the fact that Arsenal, Manchester City and Chelsea have all beaten Bayern on their own patch since 2012, a state of affairs United manager David Moyes suspects will prey on the minds of their players and hopes to use to his advantage. you can read his thoughts on the matter in this preview by Jamie Jackson.
With Robin van Persie sidelined through injury, United will be hoping for a big performance from Wayne Rooney, who will receive a painkilling injection in his injured toe ahead of tonight's match. Marouane Fellaini, Rafael and Jonny Evans were all missing from the United squad that flew out to Germany, while Ryan Giggs and Patrice Evra made the plane, but may not be fit enough to play.
Bayern go into the game without Bastian Schweinsteiger, who is suspended after being sent off in the first leg, while defender Javi Martinez will join him on the naughty step. Thiago Alcantara is also unlikely to feature, as he is still suffering from a knee injury sustained in Bayern's draw against Hoffenheim two weekends ago.