Right, that's it from me. Thanks for your company. Stick around on site for Dominic Fifield's (hastily rewritten and then rewritten again) report from the St Jakob Stadium, and Paul Doyle's blog on the game. But from me, cheerio!
Well, well, well. Chelsea take a very useful lead into the home leg. Basel, in truth, were disappointing. They shouldn't have had the opportunity to score from the spot, and arguably Schar shouldn't have been on the pitch to score the penalty. That said, David Luiz could well have seen red before his injury-time winner.
Peep! PEEP! PEEEEEEEP!!!! And that was the last kick of the game. Remarkable.
GOAL! Basel 1-2 Chelsea (David Luiz 90+4)
Oh Sommer! David Luiz sidefoots his shot round the wall, but the keeper should push it away comfortably. Instead his wrists go all rubbery and he fluffs the ball into the net.
90+4 min: Ramires and Stocker go in for a 50-50. The Basel man is penalised. Central free-kick, 25 yards out. This couldn't be more David Luiz territory if it had its own currency and road signs …
90+3 min: "If you wanna know if Schar/Cher loves you so, it's in his kick," reckons Martin Fergus.
90+2 min: WHAT A SAVE! Sommer somehow keeps out John Terry's point-blank header after Ivanovic had nodded down and Moses flicked on. A quite stonking save.
90+1 min: The first of a minimum four added minutes. It's end-to-end now.
90 min: Mata clips a free-kick at goal from 25 yards, but gets it wrong and the shot bobbles wide.
88 min: Chelsea are almost back in front immediately. Mata's low cross is spilled by Sommer, but Torres can't rearrange his legs in order to get a clean shot away, then Mata spanks the loose ball off into the night air.
GOAL! Basel 1-1 Chelsea (Schar/Cher 87)
It was awarded for Azpilicueta's challenge on Stocker, but quite what the referee has seen there I don't know. It's a dire decision. Schar/Cher steps up and sends Cech the wrong way.
86 min: A Diaz corner sparks more panic in the Chelsea area … hang on a moment, it's a penalty!
84 min: Hmm. This is a nasty challenge from David Luiz. A very nasty challenge. Studs up, forceful, though not all that high to be fair. He goes into the book. P Degen goes off for some magic sponge action.
83 min: An almighty scramble just inside the penalty area, with Stocker just unable to get through.
82 min: Stat time:
81 min: … Mata clips the cross in, Ivanovic can't get much more than a stud or two on it at the back post.
80 min: The Degens conspire to lose the ball, then David yanks down Mata on the edge of the box. Booking. Dangerous free-kick …
79 min: And in the latest in the hit series "Subsitutions", it's Oscar for Lampard.
78 min: That was Salah's last act – David Degen replaces him.
77 min: Dragovic charges forward after Luiz's loose control and finds Salah on the right. If his touch is good then he's through on goal. His touch isn't good.
76 min: Zoua – who has been lively since coming on – picks out the charging Salah in the box, but the winger can't control.
75 min: Azpilicueta's low cross, via a bobble here, a deflection there and the extensive use of an Ordnance Survey map, finds its way to Lampard on the edge of the box, but a defender comes out to block the shot.
73 min: Zoua pops a pass inside to Diaz and the Chilean cleverly nips past Lampard. He looks to curl a shot into the top corner but instead curls a shot a touch to high and a touch too wide.
72 min: Mata's first act is to produce a quite ludicrous piece of control and slip the ball through to Moses, who is flagged offside when he's actually on. From the pull-back Torres had seen his shot saved by Sommer anyhoo.
71 min: Mata replaces Hazard for Chelsea.
70 min: Dragovic lunges two-footed at Torres, legs scissoring in on the ball. He gets the ball cleanly, Torres leaps clear of the danger, and the defender is perhaps a touch fortunate to only see a yellow card raised.
69 min: Ashley Cole goes into the book for timewasting. That means he'll miss the second leg at Stamford Bridge.
67 min: Frei launches a fizzing shot at goal, but it's a couple of yards wide.
66 min: There's brief panic in the Chelsea box as Degen shovels a cross in and Stocker heads down with team-mates in space. Streller's attempted touch breaks it up, though, and Chelsea scramble clear.
64 min: Zoua, who has a pleasing vowel-to-consonant ratio, replaces Elneny. Basel need something to get them going – it's gone very quiet.
63 min: Salah hands the ball to Hazard and Chelsea look to streak away on the break, but the Belgian's pass is only in the very vaguest direction of Moses and the Basel back four tidy up.
61 min: "Re: Look who is in the crowd," writes Ed Rostron. "Is that Dr Lucien Sanchez from Garth Marenghi's Darkplace?" Yes, I believe it is.
60 min: Great minds. Diaz replaces Serey Die.
59 min: A scrappy phase of play – Torres hands possession back to Basel as Chelsea look to break, then the Swiss side hand it back with another loose pass. The home side could do with freshening things up.
58 min: A Basel corner somehow finds its way to Streller at the back post, but he's so surprised to see the thing that he nods uselessly wide.
56 min: Terry holds off Salah, much to the chagrin of the Basel player and the home fans.
53 min: TORRES SMASHES THE POST! Hazard does brilliantly down the left, and successfully avoids Schar/Cher's attempted assault on the edge of the box. He pulls back to Torres, who cracks a shot first-time from around the penalty spot, but sees his effort ricochet away off the inside of the upright.
52 min: Salah tries a few tricks over by the touchline but can't pull a rabbit out his hat. He's been disappointing thus far.
51 min: Frei looks to slip Stocker through, but the winger is a) offside and b) barging over his marker.
48 min: "Is that a Sergio Georgini leather jacket that Federer is wearing?" wonders Simon McMahon.
47 min: STOCKER HITS THE POST! This is brilliant from the winger. He exchanges passes with Streller on the left edge of the box, shimmies inside, fakes out Lampard, then does Cech with his shot only to see it ping back off the base of the post.
46 min: Hazard goes down the left, then cuts across the edge of the box. Dragovic makes a fine challenge.
Peep! Off we go again.
Meanwhile, over in Turkey …
… it's still 0-0 between Fenerbahce and Benfica but the home side have just missed a penalty on the stroke of half-time. The misser, Cristian, is in floods of tears as the teams go off at the break.
PEEP! PEEP!! And that's that for Half No1. Chelsea doing a Thoroughly Professional Job™.
44 min: Chance! And a big one! Moses finds Hazard, but the Belgian pokes his shot wide with Sommer rushing out to block.
43 min: Torres somehow gets the better of Schar/Cher and gets Chelsea moving forward with a ball out to Azpilicueta. From his cross Torres attempts a bicycle kick and gets the merest of touches on the ball. Hazard lumps the loose ball off towards the Med.
41 min: Basel are dominating possession now, but they're not really going anywhere with it. It's all a little ambling and directionless, which is fine if you're off for a walk on a sunny Sunday afternoon, but not so good when there's a place in the Europa League final at stake.
39 min: Terry goes down under Streller's challenge and as he tumbles his face meets Schar/Cher's shin. If you want to know if he loves you so, it's in his shin (that's where it is).
38 min: Elneny slings in a cross, Terry dives to head clear. Basel's pot of ideas seems to be running a little low.
36 min: "You need to work on your sarcasm a touch more" writes Arpit Sharma, "as you do not seem naturally sarcastic." Thanks for that tremendous email which I really enjoyed reading. Please send many more. (How was that, Arpit?)
35 min: Sommer palms away Ramires shot. Chelsea are the better side here.
33 min: "No such biting references from the German commentators," writes Ian Copestake. "But they have repeated the fact that Moses is an English born Nigerian international player, as if this is a really difficult concept to grasp." He's actually a Nigerian-born Nigerian international (with a seriously tragic back story) which should be an even more straightforward concept.
32 min: Torres smacks a shot at goal but it seems to smack Schar/Cher on the arm. It was close range and the arms weren't dangling anywhere they shouldn't have been. No pen.
31 min: Some neat one-touch stuff from Basel comes to a sticky end after another poor bit of work by Park.
30 min: Sloppy from Park, as he allows Dragovic's pass to trickle over the touchline for a Chelsea throw.
28 min: Stocker hits the post! But the bit of the post which is the furthest from the goal (if that makes sense). After some nice work from Streller, Stocker gets to the touchline, but he swings his cross onto the outside of the outside of the woodwork.
27 min: "Is it just me or has Moses really impressed since his move to Chelsea from Wigan," writes Cromwell Ibie. "I mean he was class before, definitely Wigan's best player. But did anyone else expect him to be this good for the European Champions?"
26 min: Another Chelsea corner. Sommer springs off his line to punch clear.
25 min: This game is being played almost exclusively on the wings. Nothing has really gone through the middle.
24 min: Streller plays a clever ball in towards the onrushing Stocker, but is defeated by the bounce.
23 min: …Stocker swings it in, Terry, with enough space and time to build a bungalow, heads clear.
22 min: Degen gets in behind Cole and looks to dig in a cross, but Cole gets back to nod behind for a corner …
21 min: Azpilicueta, who is getting some joy down this right-hand side, swings in another cross but this one is wayward.
20 min: Elneny gathers a loose ball 30 yards out and sends in a shot that he wants to watch nestle into the top corner but instead has to watch sail off towards near-earth orbit.
18 min: Stocker and Park combine down the left and the former gets in behind Ivanovic. He pulls back to Salah, but the winger can't get a clean shot away at goal under pressure from Cole.
17 min: Schar/Cher absolutely leathers the ball at goal … Cech does well to tip over.
16 min: Streller wins a free-kick 30 yards from goal after a grapple with Ivanovic. Andy Townsend mentions that Ivanovic "had a nibble" at the ball. Has he got to get 10 references in to win a bet?
15 min: The volume at St Jakob Park, which was turned all the way up to 11, has reduced just a touch.
14 min: That's Moses's fourth European goal in only his ninth European game.
GOAL! Basel 0-1 Chelsea (Moses 12)
… and Chelsea take advantage. Lampard swings in the set piece, Ivanovic jumps with the defenders and misses the ball, but behind him lurks Victor Moses, who just about manages to deflect the ball down and goalwards. Elneny somehow fails to nod away off the line and Chelsea lead!
11 min: Fine save from Sommer! Azpilicueta gets down the right and sends in a low ball to Lampard, who pokes smartly at goal. Pawed away for a corner …
10 min: Pass, pass, pass from the home side. Then a shocking ball from Schar/Cher hands possession straight to David Luiz.
9 min: Salah can't get on the end of a lumped ball over the top.
8 min: Basel: the most successful team to play in half-and-half shirts?
6 min: Degen wangs in a cross that flies deeper than a particularly deep Deep Pan pizza. And unlike a Deep Pan pizza, it falis to find its target.
5 min: Azpilicueta sends in a bobbling cross, but Schar – pronounced Cher, apparently – gathers and clears.
4 min: David Luiz brings the ball out of defence and only just evades Serey Die's flailing challenge.
3 min: The first corner of the game is taken short by Elneny, who then gets the ball back and sends an inswinging cross onto the roof of the net.
2 min: Degen can't keep Salah's pass under his spell and Cole is able to tidy up. "What's more miserable than Bramall Lane on any given Sunday?" writes David Griffiths. "To answer my own question I am. The reason? The wife watching an hour long Emmerdale on ITV+1 meaning I will miss the first half. Or face watching the game an hour behind already knowing the score. Gutted."
1 min: Stocker gets down the left and tries to win a corner off Azpilicueta, but the ball ricochets back off the Swiss player's heels.
PEEP! Off we go, then. Chelsea, in their white shirts with sky blue sash, kick off.
St Jakob Park looks awesome as the teams emerge
The home fans have unfurled several huge banners. They've always been something of a mystery to me – if you bring one, how do you make sure you get in back? And where do you get them made? And how much do they cost? And where do you keep them at home? Are they machine washable? Life is confusing sometimes.
Here's Rafa …
"It's an important night for everyone," he tells the Lycra-loving Ned Boulting. "Basel are a good team. They did well against Tottenham. They'll be dangerous, they'll be tough, but we know how important it is to score an away goal so we'll be trying to score."
What happens when you tune in thinking kick-off is at 7.45, when it actually isn't until 8.05pm: you end up watching Emmerdale. Everyone looks miserable and talks in a Yorkshire accent, so it's quite similar to being at Bramall Lane on any given Saturday.
The teams are in:
Basel: Sommer, P Degen, Schar, Dragovic, Park, Fabian Frei, Salah, El-Nenny, Die, Stocker, Streller. Subs: Vailati, D Degen, Diaz, Cabral, Sauro, Steinhofer, Zoua.
Chelsea: Cech, Azpilicueta, Ivanovic, Terry, Cole, David Luiz, Hazard, Ramires, Lampard, Moses, Torres. Subs: Turnbull, Mata, Oscar, Mikel, Cahill, Benayoun, Bertrand.
Referee: Pavel Kralovec (Czech Republic)
So David Luiz gets holding-midfield-role deployment, with John Terry in at the back for Chelsea. Juan Mata and Oscar both on the bench.
Evening all. They've already been to Monaco, Denmark, Ukraine, Italy, the Czech Republic, Romania and Russia, and tonight Chelsea's European tour has reached Switzerland, home of precision timepieces, Gruyère cheese and one very fine football team in the shape of Basel.
Over the past few seasons the Swiss side have beaten Manchester United, Bayern Munich, Sporting Lisbon, Roma, Zenit St Petersburg and Tottenham* – they've had more giants in trouble than a whole host of fairytale heroes. In the last round against Spurs, they were the better team over two legs and then exemplary from the spot in the shootout.
Like Chelsea, Basel have had an epic season in Europe. Theirs began in Estonia on 17 July 2012 with the Champions League qualifying rounds. This is Chelsea's 62nd game of the season, while the home side have played close to 60. Who has got most left in the tank? Who's running on empty? Why am I asking questions like Anne Robinson at the end of a round on The Weakest Link? Let's find out …
*They've also lost to Videoton and failed to beat Knattspyrnufélag Reykjavíkur, but forget those – they don't really fit the narrative we're trying to build up here.