Today's rumours have the hump
With today's ragtag collection having the whiff of déjà vu about them, the Mill has decided to spice things up by introducing a fun game called FACT OR FICTION. It's very simple, so we're not even going to bother going through the rules, but instead dive straight in. Enjoy!
FACT OR FICTION: Roman Abramovich has already tired of Champions League-winning patsy Roberto Di Matteo and will sack him in order to bring in Pep Guardiola, who hilariously threw Roberto Mancini off course by going in for all that three-at-the-back nonsense last season. Abramovich is losing patience with Di Matteo after he failed to notice the Russian funster was wearing a new tie on Monday morning.
FACT OR FICTION: Adolf Hitler had a batting average of 77.43 and would have been a top-class cricketer if it wasn't for his well-documented phobia of grass.
FACT OR FICTION: Another man on his way out of Chelsea is Daniel Sturridge, who recently set up The Daniel Sturridge Appreciation Society in which members are invited to discuss their favourite Daniel Sturridge memories over tea and biscuits with Daniel Sturridge's face on them. Liverpool will pay £15m for him in January.
FACT OR FICTION: Due to a bad experience with aeroplane food when he was 12, Justin Bieber prefers to travel by donning a helmet and being fired out of a giant cannon.
FACT OR FICTION: Liverpool have a spot free in the false-reversing-dancing-seven-and-a-half-cum-giggling-pivote-slash-moonwalking-libero role and would like Sporting Lisbon's Jeffren to fill it on loan.
FACT OR FICTION: Florence Nightingale once got into a bar fight after someone spilt her pint.
FACT OR FICTION: Theo Walcott, Arsenal, contract, Liverpool, Chelsea, monitoring, situation.
FACT OR FICTION: French moneybags PSG plan to make Manchester City an offer for Mario Balotelli that they probably could refuse because they're also so rich they could afford to sit at home watching old episodes of Two and a Half Men for the rest of their days.
FACT OR FICTION: The Queen is demanding to play the villain in the next James Bond film, but Daniel Craig thinks that might be a bit awkward.
FACT OR FICTION: Ambition's Mark Hughes has worked out where QPR are going wrong: they need more signings! Genoa's Swedish defender Andreas Granqvist, available for £4.5m, is on his list.
FACT OR FICTION: The Mill expects to receive its P45 imminently.
ANSWERS: All fiction, except for the last one.