Sometimes some things happen other times other things happen
Sales of Brendan Rodgers's contact lenses have soared in the hours since the Liverpool manager described his team's 2-0 defeat at Zenit St Petersburg as a "near perfect away performance", with one delighted new Merseyside purchaser already hailing her breakfast of cold toast and tea as "close to a culinary masterpiece" and another calling his trudge in the London rain to work as "an almost blissful frolic through a tropical wonderland". As the entire Liverpool squad made their way back from Russia on the back of a single ageing mule ("a practically regal mode of transport!", according to Rodgers), the manager turned to Joe Allen ("a £15m player!", according to Rodgers) and explained: "Listen, we are 1,350 miles from Anfield and travelling at 0.01 miles per hour so, according to my calculations, we should be home in time for the end of This Morning with Eamonn Holmes, who is basically a prophet."
All of which leads in no way to Roberto Mancini, who is planning Manchester City's future on the assumption that he will be part of it. What City DO need, according to Mancini, is Roma's Argentinian forward Erik Lamela, and what City DON'T need, apparently, is Scott Sinclair. What City DO need is Roma's 18-year-old Brazilian centre-back Marquinhos, and what City DON'T need is Kolo Touré. So to recap: more Lamela and Marquinhos, less Sinclair and Touré. Got it? Good, now let's move on to a question that the Mill genuinely heard one City fan ask another in a pub the other day: "What was your favourite Danny Tiatto challenge?"
As you mull that one over, the Mill will press on. Arsenal are allowing rumours of them making a big transfer to circulate again. David Villa will reportedly join them in the summer, but only if Arsenal cough up £17m and it can be proved the striker is just short of the quality that Arsenal need. Arsenal are also jostling with Spurs for the affections of the Germany Under-21 midfielder Sebastian Rode, with André Villas-Boas possibly remarking to the youngster that if he were to plump for Arsenal he would open himself up to "Rode to Nowhere" headlines, with Wenger conceivably retorting that if he were to join Tottenham, reference would inevitably be made to the "Rode to Hell".
Chelsea, meanwhile, want to add to their collection of flitty midfielders and so will be happy to hear that Corinthians' Paulinho is getting itchy feet. The 24-year-old has suggested he may leave his homeland this summer.
West Ham want to prise Rickie Lambert from Southampton and are confident he would be cheaper than Andy Carroll. He'd certainly be better.
Finally, 20-year-old Marco Verratti joined Paris Saint-Germain on a five-year contract last summer so, of course, it is time for renegotiations to start. "If we do not get his salary reviewed upwards, I think that could pose a problem," said the agent for the Italian midfielder, who is paid a measly £20,000 per week.