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BluFFmaster's Football Poems
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 years ago
1 - Premier League Preview Poem (Oct 26)

Rough week for english sides, don't worry the Prem is here just a day or another
Looking forward to some teams the premier league sides can beat.... (pause).... Each other

After beating the gunners Norwich will be gunning to give Villa the whip
What better way to tell Lambert he made the wrong descision to jump ship

Reading Fulham is the game to watch, now hear me out before you say 'r you on crack'
How can you not love watching Berbatov and trying to prounouce Pavel Pogrebnyak

Next is the battle of the red and white stripes, get ready to say ha
2 people have scored all of Sunderlands goals, Steven Fletcher and Demba ba


West brom take on the Toon, here's something you may not know
Steve Clark managed the magpies in a 1 match cameo

Gareth Bale returns to face his old club who just can't stop conceding
They'r also down to thier 3rd choice keeper, expect a brutal beating

City return to face Swansea, I hope they've settled down and relaxed
After getting wasted on amsterdam grass.... Then getting beat by Ajax

City are still a force in the League as are Arsenal, even with thier recent pains
Shd be an easy gunners win as QPR have lost 10 of thier last 11 away games

United and Chelsea are the main event, a decade of brilliant matches
Tense cup finals, season deciders and ofcourse last year's batches

Although Chelsea weren't on the winning ends both games were open and had a nice flow
1 match was known for Torres's miss, the other was simply 'the Howard Web show'

Il end with the Merseyside Derby, Liverpool doing decent but Everton are in heaven
Most people predict Everton but I'l say Liverpool cause they've won 5 of the last 7
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 years ago
2 - Premier League Preview Poem (Nov 2)

Halloween came and gone, saw a nicely carved pumpkin
Midweek games saw lots of people huffin and puffin
21 goals in 2 terriffic thrillers, who saw that comin'
Could you imagine if these games actually meant somethin

Another blockbuser fixture awaits us, a match that's gonna' get sweaty
The showdown of the 2 best managers, both of whom are incredibly stealthy
One's got a huge mothr fkn head, the other has a very thin belly
Mancini vs. Allardyce, it's the battle of the wealthy and the unhealthy

Qpr face Reading who are comming from a loss that was simply amazing
This shd be QPR's tactic, go 4 nil down then come out guns blazing

Chelsea looked strong against Utd even though the margin was narrow
Did anyone else see the expressions on abramovich and shevchenko
Onto the Swans for the blues, the game shd provide a nice tempo
Hoping for a proper match, fair calls and no silly reds or yellow

Liverpool face the Toons who haven't won at Anfield in 20 something years
But Liverpool themselves have won only 3 of thier last 14 games here

After a poor performance midweek Liverpool need to come out and steam roll
Pretty clear who's in those envolopes, *cough* Downing, Henderson and Cole

Spurs will look to bounce back against Wigan after thier midweek bout
Sunderland vs Aston Villa, I will shoot myself if this game is sold out


Everyone looks forward to the Arsenal Utd game, thier matches are always sublime
This fixture holds some fond memories but i'd 8 2 tell you what happened last time
Much has changed since that then, especially a certain striker in his prime
But the striker to watch is Rooney, if you don't know why just listen to this ryhme

He scored his first for Everton, his first for Utd and his 100th all against Arsenal
While we are rivals I'v got to say what he's done in this league is simply remarkable

Oh and apparently Messi's got a son. Thiago is the name he chose for his new kin
Let the assisted by Xavi, Terry's the father and Mancini/Wenger bid jokes begin
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 years ago
3 - Champions League Review + Premier League Preview Poem (Nov 9)

In La Liga niether Falcoa, Ronaldo or Messi put the ball in the locker
The Old Lady lost it's virginity in a controversial game of soccer
If you missed it, go watch highlights quickly or simply don't bother
Champions League returned delievering us some tense matches and a shocker

Dortmund looked impressive, Arsenal drew and City simply vented
City's loss was unfair but those two goals should have been prevented
Utd and Chelsea drew big wins and deserve to be complimented
Celtic gave barcelona a result like Mik Romney, unprecedented


Spurs travel to City who are probably a bit more fresher
Match shd be good as both managers are under pressure

City have an impressive record against Spurs with 3 consecutive wins
Dembele will not feature, Spurs look a different side without him

United are comming from qualification and a good win against Arsenal
They will have to play out of thier socks at Villa, looks near impossible

Gunners face the 1st of two London Derbies, a win here would be very awesome
Giroud is heading into the right direction, like Henry when he rose to Stardom
Podulski however is heading backwards.... Actually he's not, that's the problem
Along with Wilshere's absence and wether Walcott will get a chance to blossum

Typical reaction to Chelsea's spendings: "money wh*res", "o my gosh"
B*tch please, just made 1. 4 million.... Profit like a boss!

Liverpool have won the last 4 league games against us in a row
But we did beat them in the FA cup final just in case you didn't know

Liverpool have always been a tough team for us, il give them that bit
This is a great game for kick racism cause everyone involved is in it

He was once a red that scored many agaisnt us, back then he was simply supreme
He's comming from a goal midweek and will look to fire against his old team

In the recent 7 years we'll be facing each other for the 30th time
League games were good, but our Champions League nights were simpyl sublime

Remember that infamous 05 game, I know you remember what that was about
2 years later they did us again, this time in a penalty shoot out

But we got our revenge in 08 where we would snatch the victory in overtime
Then came the 4-4 thriller, we beat Liverpool in the pinnacle of thier prime
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 years ago
4 - Premier League Review Poem (Nov 13)

*btw this one has a bit more trolololing then the usuals, and when I say 'lawn' I mean pitch (u'l get it when you read it)

On Nov 11th Messi scored the goal that left Pele frowning
Muller is next but don't worry Pele your still better than Downing

People keep saying a 2 goal lead is dangerous but a few also ask why
Just look at what happened this weekend, Do I really need to clarify?

City got an important win against Spurs as they continue thier roll
I bet Dzeko's substitution chart is an arrow pointing towards the goal

As a starter he averages. 43, as a sub he averages 2. 19 goals on the lawn
What City should do is wait 30 seconds after the game starts, then sub him on

On Saturday QPR's linup consisted of 11 different nationalalities, pretty extreme
Maybe that's the reason for thier poor start, lack of cohesion and low selfesteem
But that can't be it cause we see the same thing with the England national team
And thier all from 1 nation apart from Zaha and Sterling who could yet play downstream

Lets move onto everyone's favourite Club, Manchester United
When they went 2 nil down, the Referee said 'challenge accepted'

On a serious note they too had a game changing super sub
He gave United the win that Villa nearly snubbed

As a starter he averages. 6, as a sub he averages 1. 45 goals on the lawn
What United should do is wait 30 seconds after the game starts, then sub him on

Now onto Stamford brigde in a game Chelsea should have won
We did manage 1 point but Liverpool could have made us get none
Terry opened the scoring with Suarez equalizing to everyon's stun
Both were involed in a collision that certainly did not look fun

But Suarez seemed genuinly concerned about Terry which I found rather nice
He probably said 'sorry about your leg', and Terry responded 'sorry about your wife'

When RVP scored against his old club he didn't celebrate cause it wouldn't be correct
B*tch please, Torres didn't even score against his old club, that's what you call true respect
Jeroen (Barcelona) 4 years ago
These are very entertaining mate, keep it up!
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 years ago
5 - Premier League Preview Poem (and the ENG game) (Nov 16)

So England played Sweden in thier new stadium
Its called the friends arena, shiny like radium

The name honours an anti bullying support group, sweeter than summer
After the match finished I certainly hoped Joe Hart had thier number

Europe was going head over heals over Ibra going head over heels
He broke the english hart, who's has been through these kinds of ordeals

Who nose if it will be goal of the year, if it isn't it'd be a shame
Cause he scored a goal that you can't even score in a bloody videogame


Hughes and Atkins are in the last chance saloon, drinking away like there's no borders
If they can't drown thier sorrows with the next round, will they have given thier last orders?

Another steller weekend comming up, I can tell your excited by the grin above your chin
West Brom welcomes Chelsea, thier fans will be itching for this game to begin
Expect revenge at the Ethihad as City look to crush Villa from within
And ofcourse the managerial death match, both still searching for thier first premier league win


Who will start for Utd against Norwich? , Van Persie and Chicharito I reckoned
If you want to make money bet Norwich for the first half, then Utd for the second

West Ham Stoke, I wonder how many times you will see the ball actually drop?
Who will 'stamp' thier authority and come out with thier 'head high' on top

Why are those words 'quoted' you ask? , just read the next line to uncover
Well Stoke do the first one, and West Ham's whole philosophy is the other

City were rumoured to be interested in Suarez, I bet you all know about this
Could you imagine if he did leave, I mean who would his teamates celebrate with?

Onto the big London Derby, Arsenal welcome Spurs
Both sets of fans are a bit unhappy with what has occured

Spurs will be missing Dembele, but Bale's always a storm
And don't forget that Arsenal have a striker in very good form

In the last 4 meetings at the Emrites, there has been 23 goals scored
Have a feeling that if Villas Boas loses he will be massivly roared

You have a world class keeper AVB, why is he playing second fiddle to an old nutt?
Should be an open game and one that Arsenal should try and not go 2 nil up

ScouserDan (Liverpool) 4 years ago
You got talent mate, pretty impressed with the poems. Some are pretty damn funny as well
ManOnDMoon (Manchester City) 4 years ago
Why you don't post them no more
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 years ago
Alright, I haven't done one of these bad boys in a very long time, it started out as small little hobby way back in March 2012, but its gotten bigger and better (hopefully) as we'v come along
6 - POEM from the Champions League Week (October 25)

Guess who's back, back again
He started against the German side, Torres, Torres
Within the first few minutes he scored, Torres, Torres
Bane came up and flicked his head
To nod the ball to Torres who sped
Fernando Torres, that's his butter and bread
Overall, Schalke didn't cause us too much disturbance
Impressed with Cech's saves and Hazard's resurgence
Great performance, producing some fine counter attacks
In his current form, Oscar could give a whale a piggyback
Or eat a bowl of nuts and bolts as a light snack
The guy is just as lethal going forward as he is tracking back
United beat the groups weakest team to excel
And no I don't mean that they beat themselves
Looking into the United game il share a few points if possible
They had sloppy passing and thier fininshing was unwatchable
People predicting they won't finish inside the top 4, remarkable
Kinda reminds you of another team doesn't it? Yup, Arsenal
Ofcourse this year, Arsenal are on quite a roll and are a real threat
I'm actually serious this time and not trying to troll.... Yet
They played the 2nd best side in the world and lost
No shame in that but they will be tad crössed
Lewandowski had a virtual tap in as he was left unmarked and all alone
Cause Sagna was at the other end, in a deckchair, watching Breaking Bad on his iPhone.
That result leaves the group in a pretty hellacious and deadly space
666, the number of the beast, this group will be an exciting race
Arsenal are definatly in contention for that first or second place
The group will be tighter than Ronaldo's hand gripping his 'injured' face
I loved the way he went to Pepe like he was some kind of doctor
Why can't you be like your friend the classy slippery tax dogder
Its a shame too cause that incident drew attention away from his fanstastic first goal
Personally though, i'd prefer Zlatan in the world cup cause he's more entertaining as a whole
His 3rd goal was nearly out of this world and deserves some bravos
If it weren't for that net, the ball would'v been lost in the cosmos
We have City on the weekend, make sure you attend
BluFF is back, tell a friend
GreatScot (Rangers)(Footytube Staff) 3 years ago
Very nice Bluff keep em coming mate!
Binaya (Chelsea) 3 years ago
This is third time I read this poem. Great
10Katie (Arsenal) 3 years ago

We love your poems and would love you to be in our pilot, called 'On the Game'

Please could you get in touch with me so we can talk about it further.

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 years ago
7 - Champions League Fallout Poem (November 8)

Could Chelsea bounce back after the Newcastle mess
You bet they could, infact Chelsea looked Etto faboulous

Lemondowski bitter; Arsenal squeeze victory and stun
Pique gave a gift to Milan and I don't mean his son

City's eagle ate canaries for breakfast and horses for lunch
Aguero and Negredo scoring for fun and becoming quite a bunch

Van Persie refused to convert any penalties won by Ashley Young #Respect
The man from Spurs's medical department begins to show his skills and intellect

Great goal from Bale, a low rocket of a shot with tons of intensity
Almost as low as Madrid's tendancy to not give away penalties

Hazard wasn't in the squad, "why was he left out" crossed our thoughts
Was it because he was poor last game, injured or simply had the coughs
Turned out he just missed his train, all those media whores must've been at a loss
But damn, I wish when I missed my train my boss would give me the day off

So Arsenal proved many wrong by beating Dortmund in thier backyard, getting some payback
But lets relax and not get ahead of ourselves, Arsenal still haven't played the 1974 Ajax

Apparently Dortmund is a mid-table team as some pundits would say
Naa, a mid-table team is the one Arsenal are playing on Sunday

In all seriousness, United will be up for this one and look to give a beating
Don't forget Arsenal have only manged to beat United once out of 11 meetings

But this talk about the gunners not being contenders is pretty damn unfair
It seems rudimentary intelligence is too big a test for some of these pundits out there
Miniature1313 (Juventus) 3 years ago
Very nice. Keep it up
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Very creative
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 2 years ago
8 - Valentine's Day Special Poem (February 14)

Wenger to Arsenal fans
Roses are red
You're sweet like honey
I'd lavish you with players
But I love saving money

Moyes to Kagawa or AVB to Adebayor
Roses are red
You get on my nerves
And so i'v decided
To move you to the reserves

Abramovich to Mourinho
Roses are red
But that point was moot
If you f**k up again
I'll give you the boot

Referees to Rodgers
Roses are red
And so is this towel over my lens
This is for Liverpool
A bouquet of pens

Referees to Pellegrini
Roses are red
You may be boring
But keep filling our pockets
And those offside calls we'll keep ignoring
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
9 - Week-In Review Poem (February 20)

One reason many never took to cricket was because they didn't enjoy its long hours theme
What I say to them is that they should start following the one day english cricket team

Chelsea continue to frustrate pundits and robbie savage who think chelsea will throw the kitchen sink
Actually I shouldn’t include robbie savage into a category of people that think

If what bayern or madrid play is considered good football I think chelsea are doing ok
With the first round of games being a tad dire hopefully the 2nd brings some solid play

Olivier giroud is starting to prove why he is one of a kind as he continually shines
As luiz threatens to expose diego's real age and wipes out free kick lines

West ham and allardyce are in need of a lift after the west brom dispatch
What better place to go for this than Spurs after a europa league match

Is jordan ibe literally speeding and beating others to a Balon d'Or?
Between balotelli, henderson and sturridge who would be your pen taking matador?

Henderson was all set to take it when balotelli intervened and left henderson at a blow
Maybe mario shouldn't have done it but it's hard to respect really stupid orders though

Kudos to henderson for walking away and not making a fuss like they do in preschool
And what about that FA cup draw, I always knew Roy was good for Liverpool
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
10 - Week-In Review Poem (February 27)

All the hate on Wenger from the Monaco defeat is unwarranted
I think he pulled a masterstroke that wasn't well documented

He avoided unnecessary distractions like the champions league competition
To focus more on qualifying for this season's top 4 expedition

Messitup Ozil is not causing many terrors
Schoolboys are making arsenal errors

Salah has gone back to the "destroyer of London clubs" tag
Soldado messed up a chance that you wouldn't in FIFA even if you had lag

Superb penalties were on the order when Liverpool and Besiktas met
Istanbul brings fond memories for Liverpool, not so much now I bet
The night went wrong when Lovern's spot kick hit the roof of the net
Only this net was somewhere in Bulgaria making this a night to forget

So as Liverpool fans feel slightly less excited
Swans fans will love the fact that they did the double over Manchester United

RVP seems to have lost the mojo that made him special overall
Maybe the little boy inside him never played long ball?

United fans ask if 3 months have passed as their clock slowly ticks
Courtois was the only one capable of handling ashley barnes's kicks

Chelsea sign with tire company Yokohama as they reach an endorsement
As if Chelsea and the 'park the bus' joke needed extra reinforcement
Sergio 1 year ago
Awesome stuff
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago

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