Forums / Off Topic Banter
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Dear Ant...
ManUK (Manchester United) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

I Have a Problem with a guy on my football club. So I'm playing my usual right wing position and I Beat our right back (the guy), make a complete fool of him and am sprinting past and he just slide tackles me to the ground from behind. Didn't get any of the ball, and nearly breaks my leg. Looks like this



Now this happens several times every time we train. And No matter how much I scream at him after he just laughs it off and a few minutes later tries to kill me again. Our Manager being super slack hardly notices.

Plus every time I go down I see a bunch of


Deja vu it brings back old memories of addiction problems

Sincerly,
ManUK
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi ManUK,

Thanks for your letter. This team mate sounds like a real piece of work. I sat and thought about this problem for quite a while. It seems like to me you need to fight fire with fire. It's happening during training sessions, not actual matches right?

I suggest you save up and get a new pair of football boots. Your old boots may look like this:



However, might I interest you in our latest range?



A few sliding tackles of your own to this team mate and I believe he will learn a valuable lesson on staying away from you.

Good luck and kind regards

Ant
ManUK (Manchester United) 4 years ago
Yea it happens during training matches, I'm gonna' head down to the rugby store now
Omar (Arsenal) 4 years ago
To add a note, he may also want to contact Francesco Totti about his wonderful abilities of combating these kinds of "sliders". For Ex:

Pragathish (AC Milan) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

Me again. This time my problem is more serious(well, atleast for me). I just can't wake up before 8. 00 AM even when I have school!I have to be in the school before 8. 45 AM!And sometimes I want to do my studies or such in the morning and its impossible. I try very very hard and manage to wake up at around 6. 30 AM sometimes.... And I read for sometime and decide to sleep for 10 or 15 mins. And I wake up and find the time as 8. 15 AM!OMG!For me its like 5 minutes, but on the clock 45 minutes are over!How can be it possible!And I am the only person in my class who wakes up very late in the morning!My friends and class mates don't even have a problem about waking up early!So, please suggest some ways (make them easy please!) to wake up early in the morning. Don't suggest alarm clocks and such.... I am neutral to alarm rings!
Please help me.... Thanks in advance.

Pragathish
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Pragathish,

Many thanks for your letter. I have exactly the same problem. I usually get up so that I have the maximum amount of sleep possible, even if it means I have to shower and run for a train without breakfast, all in ten minutes.

I have read that there are some very clever alarm clocks out there that are not the usual kind. This one drives off your nightstand and hides in your room somewhere every time you press snooze.


Link: www.uberreview.com/2006/01/clocky-alarm-clock-for-...

This one actually takes off and flys around the room while its going off.


Link: www.yankodesign.com/2005/12/11/blowfly-flying-alar...

In the end, its not the alarms that are the problem. Some people just need six hours sleep, others need nine. I need about eight and if I don't get all eight, my body does everything it can to keep me in bed. Sometimes I dream I have gotten up, other times I push the blankets off and instantly fall back asleep. The hardest thing to explain that it is not me being lazy! I'm just not a morning person.

If it gets really bad, set up one of these.



Hope these gadgets help

Kind regards

Ant
Pragathish (AC Milan) 4 years ago
Thanks ant.... I'll see....
Yogan (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,
I am a very cautious person, but it seems I have an addiction. One day, I read the paper absent mindedly, and found another one of those articles that have stupid theories. Again, most people would think it isn't true but with me, of course I really take note of these things even though mostly they aren't true. Okay, so lets get to the point. Every day, at school, I buy a bacon bap (or cob, or sandwich, whatever) because I just can't resist them. I've been trying to stop, because in the newspaper, it said that if you eat too much meat I. E ham and bacon, there is a higher chance of cancer. I don't want that to happen, obviously, but I just can't stop. I feel like a smoker. Maybe there is nicotine and tobacco in the bread? Anyhows, please help, I don't want to have cancer, what should I do?

Yours sincerely,

Yogan
Ps: Just to remind you, it is ee-ogg-an, no ee-oh-gan
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hello Yog-an (I think it is pronounced),

Thanks for your letter. This is a scary thought. Does eating bacon give you cancer?

Quite luckily for you, I've done quite a lot of research into this over the last few years, down in the footytube lavatory laboratory, deep in the bowels of footytube towers. I have come up with some curious results.

First and foremost, my misguided, drunken attempts to force a pig to eat cigarettes (I like to call them pigarettes) ended up with universal failure. The pigs thought they were delicious, soothing and refreshing. In fact they became quite addicted and angry if I refused to supply them with 'snouts'. Link: www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=snout...

They also required 24/7 rock music for some reason.



My home in footytube towers


One offshot of the experiments is that I invented the delicious world of smoky bacon. Yes, who would believe that the only way to make smoky bacon is to make pigs smoke? So many delicious treats awaited my hungry belly.



Crispy treats


So far, so good. What was not so good was that I accidentally created an army of pig-men. Is it cannibalism to eat a pig-man? Did I know? Did I care? I had to get rid of them some how.


No point in looking annoyed, you're supper my friend



Anyway, to answer your question, next time you buy a pork or ham sandwich for lunch, ask the providor if they can tell you where the meat came from. If they say it comes from footytube towers, for your own sake, please don't eat it. You may be munching on one of my fine friends. However, if the meat comes from anywhere else, tuck in and ask for seconds. I'm sure its deliciously healthy for you.

Hope this lets you enjoy your lunches

Kind regards

Ant


Yogan (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Thanks Ant
Theturkishkop (Galatasaray SK) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

I have a problem with my team mate, too. Our team re playin with 2 strikers. One of them is me. When our MC players get the ball and dribling, we make forward run to confuse defenders' mind. That is the problem where starting. 68. 5 per cent of our runs ended with clashing ourselves. We re really great friend out of the field. But he's really annoyin me in the field. Even we have consulted a psycologist, we couldn't get any improvement. And lastly we found you, Ant. If you help us to solve our problem, we will be appreciated.

King Regards,

Desperated Strikers.

Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Theturksihkop,

Thanks for your letter. Luckily this is quite an easy one. It sounds from your writing that you are quite a positive person, and your team mate is quite a negative person. Well, everyone knows that a positive and a negative attract because they are opposites. That explains why you keep running into each other.




The hardest part is working out how to fix it. I'd recommend you do everything to look as similar as possible. Possibly both of you should grow giant beards and ponytails. Once you look alike, you should repel each other (and unfortunately, women due to the beards).

If my plan works, you should see the percentage of how many times you clash drop down from 68.5% to at least 55.2% or possibly even lower.

Good luck!

Kind regards

Ant
Theturkishkop (Galatasaray SK) 4 years ago
Thanks for your reccomend, I will inform you as soon as we grow our beards and ponytails. But I think it will take for a while. Thanks anyway

Lyndon (Panathinaikos Athens) 4 years ago
Hi there Ant, first time poster long time reader. Ok I'll start off by saying you deserve a Buls*itzer prize, or was it Pulitzer. Anyways, I have this friend and well he is a good friend but sometimes he tells me these stories that seem like he would do them but it so awkward when he does tell me, and I'm not sure what I should tell him for advice or if I should say anything at all. Cause I am afraid he may be in some sort of serious trouble! So far I have simply just been laughing off the situations as jokes, but.... Well for example.

"Hey Tom, (yeah we will call him Tom) where were you in second class today? "
"Oh mate, listen I was just helping Mrs. Grumwheeler organize the sports closet. "
"Haha, oh yeah you do that often then? Haha"
"Ya, I have to do what she says while I'm in detention, berk. "
"haha, why does she hate you so much? "
"I dunno"
"hungry? "
"haha yeah lets go, crazy bint haha"

Or

"Tom are you coming out with the boys tonight we are heading down with some broads from that all girls Catholic school tonight, one says she's got one for ya"
"oh yeah? Cool, ah shoot I've got a detention"
"a detention? For what? "
"I through some ginger in the lou and took his lunch money"
"his lunch money yeah? Haha nice one, what else did you do, give him a wedge? "
"yeah, so? "
"haha, whatever, so wait you have a detention at 5:30 in the evening then? "
"yeah Mrs. Grumwheeler was real mad at me"
"oh alright, yeah I'll text you later though right? "
"yeah ok, cool"


Like I said.... Any advice? This one is a doozy. I really fear for his safety though ya know, is he really in any danger?
Oh and we are both 18 and 19, he is the latter. And Mrs. Grumwheeler takes it pretty easy on him during class, but he is constantly in trouble lately
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Skynz,

Thanks for your letter and for the compliment. Mrs Grumwheeler sounds like a real piece of work. Perhaps you and your friend could start a prank war with Grumwheeler? Start off small, like putting tacks on her chair or maybe a frog in her desk drawer. Then raise the game. Firecrackers in her letterbox and superglue on the toilet seat. Just when you think you have reached the pinnacle, you should follow her home and spray her completely with female gorilla hormones out of a fire hose, then release the starving, furious silverback gorilla out of the truck.




By the way, your friend should have been rewarded, not punished, for flushing ginger haired kids head down the toilet.

Kind regards,

Ant
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Dear and my mate ant, I hope you will solve my problem easily, I have home works lot to finish within two days. I have to finish two record, since I am member of footytube, I want to use it for more time to make more points for fan valuation
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Senthil,

Thanks for your letter. I hope I'm in time to answer it for you. I've always found the best way to get homework done in double-quick speed is to find someone smaller than you in school, and flush their head down the toilet until they agree to do it. That way, you can have your homework done while you stay on footytube.

Let us know how it works out!

Kind regards,

Ant
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
That's nice my mate
Theturkishkop (Galatasaray SK) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

Before I tell you my problem, I just want to make sure nobody else knows about this. So, this is a secret between just the two of us. Ok?

I have a girlfriend . We are just friends and we are talking everyday. We are watching footy games sometimes. We are going to fishing. She is a good fisher btw. We are joking and chatting on everything. She is a really good friend but ....



Ant , you can be sure she has a part that is even better than in this picture and she is beautiful at the same time. The problem is: I am feelin horny things about her. You know, like "when you are in the bath, with your wazzer in your hand" type of thing.

I am feeling guilty. What can I do, man? Am I so bad to think like that? I can't stand it anymore , mate. Help me!

I am looking forward to see your advice,

Best Regards.
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Theturksihkop,

Thanks for your photo of an ass. I can't stop looking. I think I understand what your problem is. Either you have a girlfriend and she is not this woman, and you are guilty about thinking about her. Otherwise the owner of this ass is your girlfriend and you can't stop thinking about her.

You need to know about the girl before you get too hot and steamy. Everyone talks about outer beauty but surely whats inside is just as important? Yes, she has a right leg and a left leg, but isn't what is inside that counts? I will leave the task to you to find out

Remember that a beautiful ass doesn't mean a beautiful woman. Here is an example



Please be careful out there! Let us know if you ever work things out with the woman who's ass looks like two eggs in a cloth

Kind regards

Ant


Theturkishkop (Galatasaray SK) 4 years ago
Oww no.
Ant, you're right. I had not thought like what you point. I 'll be more careful, man.
Thanks mate. It was creepy to think like that
Tony (footytube staff) 4 years ago
Just give her a good wazzering, and be done with it.... I like that new name.... Wazzer, I think I will incorporate that word wazzer more into everyday use.... Thanks ant
Matt (Footytube Staff) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

I have a problem I feel only you can help with. Since being led up after surgery on my achillies I have taken to sitting and looking out my window at people who have fully functioning legs.

Imagine my surprise when during one of my watching sessions I witnessed my neighbour watching what can only be described as 'rugby'. This neighbour I used to trust he always came across as a nice normal, quiet guy. Now I know what I know I can't get the awful images from my mind what should I do?
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Matt,

Many thanks for your letter and your superb spying skills. Firstly, let me congratulate you for discovering that your neighbour is a completely pathetic degenerate. It's quite lucky for you that you caught it this early, because it can spread like a cancer if its not stopped quickly.

These days, watching rugby is pretty much the lowest and most disgusting thing you can be caught doing. It's even worse than that thing Andy was caught doing in the zoo with the shaved chimp and tub of ice cream.


Please Andy, not today, it still hurts!


It's important to distinguish between football and rugby. They say Football is a gentleman's game, played by thugs .... Whereas rugby is a thugs game played by gentlemen. This is wrong.

Rugby is a stupid game, played by morons.

I did a quick google search for "The men that invented rugby". Here's a photo.
Kicking ball too tricky. Me use hands.


You have a choice now. Personally, if it was me that spotted my neighbour watching that disgusting filth, I would have already hobbled over there and beaten him to within an inch of his life. I would tie him to a chair and make him watch a DVD box set of every football World cup match, ever.

You might not be such an impulsive person. I suggest you creep over next time he is watching rugby, and do not look at the screen. Tap on his window, and when he spins around ashamed and redfaced, shout out that you know what he's doing and he is a very sick person.

Hopefully he will learn that people know his dirty secret and he will try to seek help. If not, and you see him watching it again, just call the police. They will have no hesitation thrashing the living hell out of him in some kind of Guantanemo bay for rugby lovers.

I hope you do the right thing.

Kind regards,

Ant
Tony (footytube staff) 4 years ago
Can you elaborate more on the {shaved monkey, tub of ice cream and andy? }.... Lol, was this in belfast zoo?
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
I can't elaborate much, suffice to say in most countries he would have to marry the chimp after doing the things he did
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Hi mate,
I had a problem again, that is I am studying biology physics and chemistry in my high school, going to join in university by 2011. But there was a problem I want to choose which course to study for my future. I was blinking what to choose. Give me a idea mate about what job/course I should choose in my future. I like some jobs with nature than engineering. Please give nice reply mate
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
My opnion about my selection is it should be rare to known by world students and it should study by few students.... Whatever it should be different mate...
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Senthil,

Many thanks for your letter. Choosing a career and a study path is one of the biggest decisions you will ever have to make, so its a good thing you asked for some advice. When it comes to tough choices like this, I like to do some research to get the advice of some of the smartest men from history. The book I have chosen this time to help you is "Jobbes and Careers", a huge book from the 1650's. Looking through to the part about recommended jobs, here's what it suggests:

"With the blooming expansion of the Empire, what better job could there be than cartographer, or map-writer". See here an example of the finest work.



So, that's my advice. You should be a map maker, and be the first to draw all the new countries we discover. You'll find that it's related to nature, geography and not many people do it any more.

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Kind regards

Ant
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Its nice idea to discover new countries, but already it was discovered there was nothing to discover new countries, but now world is developed mate, there is satellite around earth. They can easily find it, just wasting my time in making map marker, did you think it will work
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Hi ant, I need some help from you mate, it was a big problem for boys that is pimples in my faces, it was horrible to see this enemies. I want to relieve from this soon. There are more in my faces, I not want to increase in numbers, I think you will give a good result for this to stop
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Senthil,

Many thanks for your letter. This is a tricky problem. Those lumpy enemies are the problem of teenagers everywhere. When I was that age, it looked like I was wearing a face mask made out of bubble wrap.




I have looked at your profile, and unless you are good with tricky photographs or manipulating images on a computer then you don't look to be suffering that badly. What I would suggest is to scrub your face every day, washing very hard, and if needs be you could use something like a metal soap pad.




Scrub hard! The best way to get rid of them for good is to be careful what you eat and also not be a teenager.

Good luck with your face!

Kind regards,

Ant
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
Thanks for your advice mate, I will try it out.... And meet you as new handsome guy in the world mate, and thanks for your suggestion that I not well develop in image manipulating. I want ask one thing did you get success with these soap pad?
Tony (footytube staff) 4 years ago
I find the brillo pads especially good for piles.

Ps.... Senthill, he's only joking about the brillo pads.... Don't do it.... Lol
Senthil (Chelsea) 4 years ago
I know tony, that ant is making fun. I will not try it!
Donnchadh (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hello Ant, my new years resolution for 2010 is going to be to not watch TV, play FIFA(or any other video games) or get on the internet, thus cutting off my source for all things football aka footytube. I love this site, and I get on for at least one to two hours a day if not more. I will miss all the Liverpool games, but I was thinking about someway to try and get them on the radio, I don't know how that will happen here in the US. I had this idea because I want to improve my footy skills even further, as well as start to play la guitara mucho and write a lot of poems. Television and the internet are things that take no effort or skill, and I think they are bad for your soul Surely the thing I will miss the most are le footytube and watching Liverpool live, I will have to get all the results from my friends I suppose. I am doing this in hopes of one day becoming a professional footballer, and or get some of my poems published, though I would never have them published under my real name if I do get some published, I wouldn't like people knowing I wrote them I also need to get a job because I am not going to school next semester and I could never hold down a job with the footytube madness in full swing.

So what do you think Ant, is this a good idea, or do you think I will just go crazy from footytube and Liverpool withdrawals?
Donnchadh (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Obviously I will relapse when June comes around(the World Cup) or I might even before that for the UEFA final or Manchester vs. Liverpool. Think I can even make it till then?
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Rarimapirate,

Thanks for your letter. You asked if I think you would go crazy without footytube. I'd have to say that definitely yes, you would go crazy in the coconut if you even went one week without the glorious website we have here. Your day to day life would look stranger than this music video.




If you truly want to be a footballer, poet or both, you will probably have to go a little crazy so maybe taking some time away from footytube is exactly what you need. One thing you could train yourself to do is to sleepwalk and use footytube while you are asleep. That way, you can have a normal day of study and work, while at night while you get a refreshing sleep, you can enjoy the football and comedy on the site.

On page two of this topic, Rockerr asked more or less the same question: how can he both study for college and use footytube without being distracted. I recommended that he somehow studies footytube as a subject. That way, perhaps you can get a job as a footballer or poet on footytube in future. Imagine that, being the official footballer of footytube. Perhaps you could recreate famous goals, or bloopers?

All in all, I think you should visit footytube as often as you can while still making sure you have enough time for the important things in life, like playing football, poetry and dressing up as a vampire with loved ones.

Kind regards

Ant

Donnchadh (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Haha "dressing up like a vampire with loved ones" gold Ant, pure gold. Thanks buddy
N3razzurri (Inter Milan) 4 years ago
Thanks for that gem of video, now if I can only find a decent dubstep remix for it
Lee (Kidderminster Harriers) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

I don't know if you are a qualified doctor, but your advice can't be any worse than that given by my last doctor "Hahahahaha" He guffawed "Usually, only fat people get this disease. Here, take these antibiotics, I'm told they fix everything." To his credit, the antibiotics did completely clear the oozing green puss right up.

For fear of going back to him and hearing "Hahahaha, only old mental people get this disease" I figured I'd ask your mightiness for his take on my latest ailment....

I find myself waking up every morning and forgetting how to put my pants on. I wear pretty sexy slimline briefs normally and I really don't want to go back to Y-Fronts, even though I know it would be much more simple having a very obvious dinkle hole at the front. I would just look for the label like I do on my jumpers to work out which side is the back and which is the front, but my pants are so old now, most of them have labels missing and extra bum holes that weren't there before.

This problem isn't just isolated to pant woes, I also find myself accidentally pouring wine over my sunday dinner (instead of gravy), forgetting to clear my internet history and nearly exposing my love of German Scat movies, and, much to my dismay, the other day, I held hands with my girlfriend whilst scuba diving, only to realise that I was actually holding hands with my best mate.

Talking of Scat, I'll leave you with this (which I'm having to listen to with headphones, since my GF insists on watching f***ing X-Factor - which is another, increasingly pressing dilemma I will be seeking your help with)


Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Lee,

Thanks for your letter. It's interesting that you wonder if I'm a qualified doctor. Actually, I'm a qualified tree doctor. Well, I must be, because I have a tree-menders tool in my underpants. This doctor you are going to seems to take great pleasure in your sicknesses. I'd recommend double checking it isn't one of your many, many ex-wives in a fake beard and labcoat.

Regarding your briefs, who could blame you. Those sleek speedo type underwear are the pants of champions. Y-fronts are for gawky, bucktoothed nerds, possible named Arthur or Gabriel. Yes, they have the luxury of a 'dinky hole' as you call it, but every true man leaps 'over the fence' when they need to take a whizz. The only real dinky hole you need to worry about is the one between a beautiful womans left and right legs.

Be careful though, here's an instructional video on how far away from the beach you can go in your tight underpants - without trousers - before it becomes too far.




I'll summarise your other forgetful mishaps in point form
* Liquidise your dinners into a big beefy milkshake, so it matters not if you pour gravy or wine all over it. This is how the Dutch eat every meal.
* Convince your girlfriend that scat movies are instructional videos on how Mars bars are made. She won't know you're lying, but just be careful that she doesn't treat you to breakfast in bed, a hot & fresh, king size snickers the very next morning.
* Holding hands with your mate. If this happens again, just quickly turn and kiss them and say you love them. That will clear the air, because instead of thinking you a little strange, they will believe you to be a screaming homosexual, and its completely against social rules to frown on this. Also, scream. It makes the illusion more convincing.

Hopefully all of this helps

Kind regards,

Herr Ant
ManUK (Manchester United) 4 years ago
Oh the intensity of these issues
Pragathish (AC Milan) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

Me once again. Again, a sleep related problem this time. I am having exams currently, s I wake up at 6. 00 clock, read for sometime and sleep again. That time I experience a thing called 'Sleep paralysis'. It happens daily for me during exams!It really scare the hell outta' me. And to add fuel to the fire, now I am hearing a high pitch sound of someone screaming and bullet fires during sleep paralysis!I am seriously annoyed and disturbed with this thing. I can't even sleep properly and peacefully in the morning. What can I do?

Kind regards,
Pragathish
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Prag,

Thanks for your letter. I think we can safely assume that at 6am every morning, you start to lead a double life - perhaps as an international spy or as an assassin. You think that you're asleep in bed, but in fact you're out dodging bullets, catching bad guys and screaming like a woman. I recommend enjoying it.

If you can't enjoy it, then I would recommend breaking the cycle. When you wake up at 6am, either get up for the morning, or else set an alarm for 6. 30am.

If none of these suggestions work, I would try to see how long you can go without sleep.

Kind regards and good luck with the exams

Ant
Aeaglan (AC Milan) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

The word on the block is that you are the top doctor in town so here's my story. I have been feeling sort of down recently. Just couldn't get myself to smack a b***h because she wasnt giving me my money. Other pimps started taking over my turfs and my h**s, but for some reason I felt no urge to bust a cap in their Arse.




Then one day while wandering randomly in the street, when I had met an old friend. He recommended this really cool drink that he said has made him feel stronger and happier, so I thought I'd try it out.




This drink is amazing man! It makes you realize things. Suddenly I'm on top of the world! I can go back to smacking my b***hes for my money again. But something still wasnt right. A third testicle was growing, I can see through my eyelids, and when the night falls and there's moonlight, I start growing fur then black out! I woke up the other day naked in the middle of the street, and many of my rival pimps around town and found dead with aluminum cans shoved up their arse. What do I do?

Sincerly,

Aeaglan
Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Aeaglan,

Thanks for your letter. What a nightmare you must be experiencing. Apart from the fact your profile says you are 23 years old, I would have assumed most of the symptoms were just that of being a teenager (strange patchy fur, bunches of testicles, passing out, flatulence etc).

I've done some quick research and spoke to some of my professor colleagues and they tell me their best guess is that you have become a were-pimp. This is not necessarily a bad thing - trust me - because as you have seen you are killing off your rivals by brutally sodomising them with soft drinks.




Of course, in this modern, sissy, nanny-state world we live in, people (read: police) seem to frown on people being attacked and molested with aluminium cans. So, I guess you'll have to work on fixing the issue.

Of course, just like a werewolf is killed with a silver bullet, a werepimp can only be killed by a silver hoe. So, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is, of course, that you have to die.



But its not all bad news! No, the good news is that I found ten dollars in an old coat that I hadn't worn for a while! Oh, you wanted good news about you. Sorry, bro.

Yours hoe-fully,

Kind regards,

Ant
Bintanggg (West Ham United) 4 years ago
Dear Ant,

Why don't people like me?

Thanks Bret.


Ant (Liverpool) 4 years ago
Hi Bintanggg,

Thanks for your letter. The correct way to react to this kind of taunt is to leap towards your opponent and launch yourself crotch first onto the perpetrators face, so your legs are wrapped around his or her head, then ask him if he wants to shake your hand now.

This definitely works for female strippers, at least in that one place I went to. I definitely shook her hand. Or gave her money. I can't remember but that's not the point. I can't see why it wouldn't work for all situations.

Kind regards,

Ant



   
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