Two boys are playing football in the park when one of them is attacked by a rottweiler. Thinking quickly, his friend rips a plank of wood from a fence, forces it into the dog’s collar and twists it, breaking the dog’s neck. All the while, a newspaper reporter who was taking a stroll through the park is watching. He rushes over, introduces himself and takes out his pad and pencil to start his story for the next edition.
He writes, “Manchester City fan saves friend from vicious animal. ”
The boy interrupts: “But I’m not a City fan. ”
The reporter starts again: “Manchester United fan saves friend from horrific attack. ”
The boy interrupts again: “I’m not a United fan either. ”
The reporter asks: “Who do you support, then? ”
“Liverpool, ” replies the boy.
The headline the next day: “Scouse b*****d kills family pet”

A manc, a scouse and an african man are all waiting for their wives to give birth. The nurse comes out and says :
"Gents, theres been a problem, we mixed up the babies and we don't know which baby belongs to who.... You'll have to pick randomly"
The manc goes in first and comes out with a black baby.
The black guy tells him : "hey don't you think that's my baby? "

The manc replies:"yes surely, but one of the two white babies is a scouse and I'm not willing to take that risk !"

What do you call a Chelsea fan with half a brain?      **** Gifted !

An asteroid has narrowly missed the Earth by 201, 000 miles. Scientists have named it "Fernando Torres"

I've named my heater Carlos Tevez 'cause it doesn't warm up

As I was walking home from work last week I noticed a Liverpool season-ticket nailed to a tree. I thought to myself 'I'm having that!' 'cos you can never have enough nails, can you?

The Afghan Footballer

The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation. He scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Liverpool. The fans are delighted, the players and the coach are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch he phones his mum to tell her about his first day in English football.

'Hello mum, guess what? ' he says 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me. '

'Wonderful, ' says his mum, 'Let me tell you about my day …

Your father got shot in the street, your sister and I were ambushed and assaulted, your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you tell me that you were having a great time. '

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say mum, but I'm really sorry. '

'Sorry?! Sorry?!' says his mum, 'It's your bloody fault we came to Liverpool in the first place!'

Arsenal's Top Seller for Christmas....    The Robin van Persie tea tray.    Guaranteed to carry 10 mugs.  

?

Harry Redknapp told Van der vaart and Bale to "play where they wanted". Wenger tried the same thing with Fabregas. He chose Barcelona

I don't care that Liverpool supporters never walk alone.... Our annual trophies never come alone!

Pres. Barack Obama, in a recent press conference announced that United States have reduced their budget for the Department of defence to $400 billion annually.

The US is no longer the State with highest expenditures on the defenses. The Honor now goes to Manchester City.... !

Snow White, Silvester Stallon and Osama Bin Laden are having a conversation.

Snow White says “Everybody tells me I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on, but how do I know? ”
Stallon says “I know what you mean. Everybody tells me I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived, but how do I know? ”
Bin Laden says “Yes. Everybody tells me I am the most disgusting, despicable, grotesque creature that has ever roamed the earth, but how do I know? ”

Snow White says “Let’s go and see the wise man!” So off they go.
Snow White goes in first and five minutes later she comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most beautiful, divine woman that any man has ever laid his eyes on. ”
Stallon goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “It’s true. I am the most muscular, hunky man that has ever lived. ”

Osama goes in and five minutes later he comes out and says: “Who’s the fu*k is this John Terry character then? “

So Luis Suarez was at the Everton v Bolton game tonight. I know this because a friend was sat next to him.

He kept shouting "Oi nignog, you're f****g s**t! F**k off back to where you came from"

"F****g nignog, you can't shoot properly, you're f*****g shit!"

"Nignog, learn to f****g pass nignog!"

After a while he'd had enough and said "mate, his name's N'gog, you should know this, he used to play for Liverpool. You're gonna' get yourself in even more trouble if you carry on"

He said "Not him, I'm on about Saha!"

What a tool!