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The Best Rival Jokes
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
This space was created to remember and also to encourage you to get your sense of humor out, what a best way to show it than getting creative. Classic jokes, Popular Sayings, Remembered Moments or Funny Facts are all welcome.
Remember folks, is all about having a good laugh and don't take it personal.
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Fernando Torres has settled as a barman. He is good at putting shots over the bar    
Come510 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Good one!
Come510 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Good one!  Edit:F****** double POST
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Lol
DiehardUNITED (Manchester United) 2 years ago
He actually has more yellow cards than goals too
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Lol mate! That sad!
Marcobarnas (Real Madrid) 2 years ago
I thought that was for Heskey
Riajz (Manchester United) 2 years ago
^ well lately he has been actually taking the shots lol
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago

Fire brigade phones Arsene Wenger in the early hours of Sunday morning....

"Mr Wenger sir, the Emirates is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Arsene.

"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir. 8~)
RocknRolla (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Awesome
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lol!
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
LOL
Roo10ney (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lmfao
Come510 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
LMAO!
Come510 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
LMAO!
Naushad (Mohammedan Dhaka) 2 years ago
Gomlee (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Rofl
[account-removed] 2 years ago
This is funnier.... What's the different between Plastic and Man UTD fans? They are real. Lol
Dougie27 (Arsenal) 2 years ago
LOL
NeymarJr (Real Madrid) 2 years ago
Loool
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
How many city fans does it take to change a light bulb? . - "None, they're all happy living in United's shadow"
Jujex 3 years ago
Awesome!
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Funny!
SongkyKong (Manchester United) 3 years ago
LOL
[account-removed] 3 years ago
LOL this is funny
Roo10ney (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Haha classic
LORDETHAN1997 (Liverpool) 2 years ago
Lol  
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
That's hilarious
Eusoj (Inter Milan) 2 years ago
They still are way way way behind United.... It will take them about 200 years to be an actual winner team lol
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
And finally a Liverpool one:

Q. What does a fan do after Liverpool wins the Champions League? .

A. He turns off the PS3 and goes to have dinner
GuapoLindo (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Hehehe....

I have a good one:

Two men are playing football in a public park when suddenly a crazed rottweiler dives out of a bush and launches itself at one of the men and begins to viciously savage him.

Reacting quickly the other man pulls a plank of wood out of an old fence and forces it into the dog's coller and twists it, breaking the dog's neck and killing it instantly.

Paramedics arrive and take his friend away for medical attention, and a man approaches the hero with a notepad and pen, he says "I am reporter and I would like to write an article about your heroic deed!", the hero agrees and the reporter writes a title for his article-

"Manchester United fan saves friend from vicious attack!"

The man reads this and says "I'm not a Manchester United fan"

The reporter apologises and writes "England fan saves friend from crazed animal!"

The man reads this and says "I'm not a England fan"

The reporter apologises again and asks what football team he supports.

The man replies "Liverpool"

The reporter nods and quickly writes "scouse ******* murders family PET!"
SongkyKong (Manchester United) 3 years ago
^bazinga aha
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Your too funny
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Lmao
Hmohammed (Liverpool) 2 years ago
Lol its funny cause we won it 5 times
ManUK (Manchester United) 2 years ago
^ It's funny cause we won the Premier League 19 times
Come510 (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Roflmao is all I want to say
Ruudrohit (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q) what's the easiest way to score against arsenal?  A) pass the ball to their defenders
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lol
Pioneercolonel (Manchester United) 3 years ago
That's not a joke. It's a proven tactic
TommyRooney (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Just great
Bladecatcher (Manchester United) 3 years ago
I've got a good joke -    Arsenals defence
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
LOL Yeah, good joke mate (fact)
Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
We said jokes not facts
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lolol
[account-removed] 2 years ago
What about Arsenal defence You can't say Kocielny or Vermaelen is not good defender. Also Sagna thisn't joke
[account-removed] 2 years ago
What's more funny it's not me it's from commentator " Old Tradford isn't a European Fortress for United anymore It's a Gift shop ". Lol
NeymarJr (Real Madrid) 2 years ago
Manchester united shouldn't really be talking about their defends right now Lol please
Ruudrohit (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Jokes ON WHY carlos tevez refused TO COME ON AS A SUB

1) "The bench was closer to my kids

2) "I'd just received a pep-up injection from our new club doctor, Conrad Murray, when I felt all sleepy

3) "He knows what my neck's like but not once has Mancini offered me a lend of his scarf

4) "I was unfit.... I blame Manchester United's medical staff

5) "I broke my toe in training six weeks ago but kept it a secret. Here, I'll take my boot off so you can look

6) "I didn't want the club to have to pay me my appearance fee because I already earn too much money

7) "I was shellshocked at learning that a third restaurant has opened in Manchester

8) "I didn't want to be the ugliest player on a pitch containing Franck Ribery

9) "When Mancini said 'come on" I thought he was just doing an impression of Liam Gallagher

10) "Mario had promised me next go on his iPad
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Lmfaoooo @ 4, 7, 8, 9 and 10
Badge (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Number 8 made me laugh so hard
Badge (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Number 8 made me laugh so hard
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Same here! Lollol
Roo10ney (Manchester United) 3 years ago
10th was awesome....
Jujex 3 years ago
1, 4&10 AWESOMEEE!
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
10 WAS HILARIOUS
Tony (footytube staff) 3 years ago
What do you call a scouser in a suit.... THE defendant.... !
Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
What do you call a scouser with an Uzi.... SIR
Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
What do you call a scouser with money.... A Thief !
Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
What should you do when you see scouser jogging?  You catch up, you beat the sh*** out of him, then you give the old lady her purse back
Joeymac (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Redsince, you could also say, what do you call a scouser with a league medal.... A thief
Pioneercolonel (Manchester United) 3 years ago
What do you say to a scouser having just won the premier league? Turn off the damn ps3 and go to bed!
Dgrant117 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
What's the difference between a Chelsea fan and an onion?    Nobody cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lol, that's true!
Jujex 3 years ago
City fan even more
2 years ago
What a lame joke, it's almost offensive, and it would have been if it came from someone with a higher IQ
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q/A about Leeds United:

Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing?
A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd
Q: What did Lee Bowyer say when he took a girl out for the night?
A: Fancy an Indian?
Q: What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving?
A: Diarrhea.

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
@Riajz mate you should become the clubs in house comedian !
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Lol, that's great stuff
Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q. How do you stop a scouser from drowning?    A:Take yer foot of his head !
Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Why would you stop him?
Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Double post
Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
@Chafcouf 2 reasons, to protect the marine enviroment against devastating pollution and to save you getting your shoes dirty ! Lol
Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Haha true that
SongkyKong (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures
Redsince63 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Magic ! Lmfao !
Jujex 3 years ago
You should post it on liverpoolz page
BlingBling (Barcelona) 3 years ago
@jujex if he does than I'm pretty sure he will get 100 rude votes
Dgrant117 (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Why are scousers like laxatives?  Because they all irritate the crap out of you
GuapoLindo (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Indeed
MariusV (Manchester United) 3 years ago
A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand? " "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan, " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of? " "I am a Man Utd fan and proud of it, " Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan? " "Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!" "Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then? " Mary smiled, and said "then I'd be a Liverpool fan. "
Indifootball (Manchester United) 3 years ago
HAHA NICE!
Riajz (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Genius!
TommyRooney (Manchester United) 3 years ago
hahaha
Greengorilla1 (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Classic! Hahaha...
Greengorilla1 (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Classic! Hahaha...
Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Lolol
Marcobarnas (Real Madrid) 2 years ago
Best one!
Eusoj (Inter Milan) 2 years ago
LOl
Vonrasmussen (Manchester United) 2 years ago
Love it  



   
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