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The Best Rival Jokes

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

This space was created to remember and also to encourage you to get your sense of humor out, what a best way to show it than getting creative. Classic jokes, Popular Sayings, Remembered Moments or Funny Facts are all welcomed.
Remember folks, is all about having a good laugh and don't take it personal.

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Fernando Torres has settled as a barman. He is good at putting shots over the bar

Come510 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Good one!

Come510 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Good one! Edit:F****** double POST

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 5 months ago

Lol

DiehardUNITED (Manchester United) 1 month ago

He actually has more yellow cards than goals too

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 1 month ago

Lol mate! That sad!

Marcobarnas (Real Madrid) 1 month ago

I thought that was for Heskey

Riajz (Manchester United) 4 weeks ago

^ well lately he has been actually taking the shots lol

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Fire brigade phones Arsene Wenger in the early hours of Sunday morning....

"Mr Wenger sir, the Emirates is on fire!"

"The cups man! Save the cups!" replies Arsene.

"Uh, the fire hasn't spread to the canteen yet, sir. 8~)

RocknRolla (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Awesome

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Lol!

Teja7 (Liverpool) 7 months ago

LOL

Roo10ney (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Lmfao

Come510 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

LMAO!

Come510 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

LMAO!

Naushad (Mohammedan Dhaka) 6 months ago

Gomlee (Manchester United) 6 months ago

Rofl

Arsenalfbce (Arsenal) 2 months ago

This is funnier.... What's the different between Plastic and Man UTD fans? They are real. Lol

Douglie27 (Arsenal) 2 months ago

LOL

NeymarJr (Real Madrid) 2 months ago

Loool

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

How many city fans does it take to change a light bulb? . - "None, they're all happy living in United's shadow"

Jujex (Juventus) 8 months ago

Awesome!

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Funny!

SongkyKong (Manchester United) 8 months ago

LOL

[account-removed] 8 months ago

LOL this is funny

Roo10ney (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Haha classic

LORDETHAN1997 (Liverpool) 4 months ago

Lol

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 months ago

That's hilarious

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

And finally a Liverpool one:

Q. What does a fan do after Liverpool wins the Champions League? .

A. He turns off the PS3 and goes to have dinner

GuapoLindo (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Hehehe....

I have a good one:

Two men are playing football in a public park when suddenly a crazed rottweiler dives out of a bush and launches itself at one of the men and begins to viciously savage him.

Reacting quickly the other man pulls a plank of wood out of an old fence and forces it into the dog's coller and twists it, breaking the dog's neck and killing it instantly.

Paramedics arrive and take his friend away for medical attention, and a man approaches the hero with a notepad and pen, he says "I am reporter and I would like to write an article about your heroic deed!", the hero agrees and the reporter writes a title for his article-

"Manchester United fan saves friend from vicious attack!"

The man reads this and says "I'm not a Manchester United fan"

The reporter apologises and writes "England fan saves friend from crazed animal!"

The man reads this and says "I'm not a England fan"

The reporter apologises again and asks what football team he supports.

The man replies "Liverpool"

The reporter nods and quickly writes "scouse ******* murders family PET!"

SongkyKong (Manchester United) 8 months ago

^bazinga aha

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Your too funny

[account-removed] 7 months ago

Lmao

Hmohammed (Liverpool) 5 months ago

Lol its funny cause we won it 5 times

ManUK (Manchester United) 5 months ago

^ It's funny cause we won the Premier League 19 times

Come510 (Manchester United) 5 months ago

Roflmao is all I want to say

Ruudrohit (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Q) what's the easiest way to score against arsenal? A) pass the ball to their defenders

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 8 months ago

Lol

Pioneercolonel (Manchester United) 7 months ago

That's not a joke. It's a proven tactic

TommyRonney (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Just great

Bladecatcher (Manchester United) 8 months ago

I've got a good joke - Arsenals defence

Riajz (Manchester United) 8 months ago

LOL Yeah, good joke mate (fact)

Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

We said jokes not facts

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Lolol

Arsenalfbce (Arsenal) 2 months ago

What about Arsenal defence You can't say Kocielny or Vermaelen is not good defender. Also Sagna thisn't joke

Arsenalfbce (Arsenal) 2 months ago

What's more funny it's not me it's from commentator " Old Tradford isn't a European Fortress for United anymore It's a Gift shop ". Lol

NeymarJr (Real Madrid) 2 months ago

Manchester united shouldn't really be talking about their defends right now Lol please

Ruudrohit (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Jokes ON WHY carlos tevez refused TO COME ON AS A SUB

1) "The bench was closer to my kids

2) "I'd just received a pep-up injection from our new club doctor, Conrad Murray, when I felt all sleepy

3) "He knows what my neck's like but not once has Mancini offered me a lend of his scarf

4) "I was unfit.... I blame Manchester United's medical staff

5) "I broke my toe in training six weeks ago but kept it a secret. Here, I'll take my boot off so you can look

6) "I didn't want the club to have to pay me my appearance fee because I already earn too much money

7) "I was shellshocked at learning that a third restaurant has opened in Manchester

8) "I didn't want to be the ugliest player on a pitch containing Franck Ribery

9) "When Mancini said 'come on" I thought he was just doing an impression of Liam Gallagher

10) "Mario had promised me next go on his iPad

[account-removed] 7 months ago

Lmfaoooo @ 4, 7, 8, 9 and 10

Badge (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Number 8 made me laugh so hard

Badge (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Number 8 made me laugh so hard

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Same here! Lollol

Roo10ney (Manchester United) 7 months ago

10th was awesome....

Jujex (Juventus) 7 months ago

1, 4&10 AWESOMEEE!

Tony (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What do you call a scouser in a suit.... THE defendant.... !

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What do you call a scouser with an Uzi.... SIR

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What do you call a scouser with money.... A Thief !

Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What should you do when you see scouser jogging? You catch up, you beat the sh*** out of him, then you give the old lady her purse back

Joeymac (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Redsince, you could also say, what do you call a scouser with a league medal.... A thief

Pioneercolonel (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What do you say to a scouser having just won the premier league? Turn off the damn ps3 and go to bed!

Dgrant117 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

What's the difference between a Chelsea fan and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop up a Chelsea fan

Riajz (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Lol, that's true!

Jujex (Juventus) 7 months ago

City fan even more

MisterBloom (Chelsea) 2 months ago

What a lame joke, it's almost offensive, and it would have been if it came from someone with a higher IQ

Riajz (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Q/A about Leeds United:

Q: How can you tell when Leeds are losing?
A: It's five past three.
Q: What do you call a Leeds fan with many girlfriends?
A: A Shepherd
Q: What did Lee Bowyer say when he took a girl out for the night?
A: Fancy an Indian?
Q: What do you call 20 Leeds fans sky-diving?
A: Diarrhea.

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

@Riajz mate you should become the clubs in house comedian !

Tdsmufan (Manchester United) 3 months ago

Lol, that's great stuff

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Q. How do you stop a scouser from drowning? A:Take yer foot of his head !

Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Why would you stop him?

Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Double post

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

@Chafcouf 2 reasons, to protect the marine enviroment against devastating pollution and to save you getting your shoes dirty ! Lol

Chafcouf93 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Haha true that

SongkyKong (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter, and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?

A: The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures

Redsince63 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Magic ! Lmfao !

Jujex (Juventus) 7 months ago

You should post it on liverpoolz page

BlingBling (Barcelona) 7 months ago

@jujex if he does than I'm pretty sure he will get 100 rude votes

Dgrant117 (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Why are scousers like laxatives? Because they all irritate the crap out of you

GuapoLindo (Manchester United) 7 months ago

Indeed

MariusV (Manchester United) 7 months ago

A primary teacher explains to her class that she is a Liverpool fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they too, are Liverpool fans. Everyone in the class raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Mary, why didn't you raise your hand? " "Because I'm not a Liverpool fan, " she replied. The teacher, still shocked, asked, "Well if you are not a Liverpool fan, then who are you a fan of? " "I am a Man Utd fan and proud of it, " Mary replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Mary, why pray tell, are you a Man Utd fan? " "Because my mum is a Man Utd fan, and my dad is a Man Utd fan, so I'm a Man Utd fan too!" "Well, " said the teacher in an obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Man Utd fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your mum was a prostitute and your dad was a drug addict, what would you be then? " Mary smiled, and said "then I'd be a Liverpool fan. "