One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn. The Hindu and the United fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Jew. "I'm sorry, " he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it. "
"No problem, " said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead. " So off he went to the barn, leaving the United fan and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry, " he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because
I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it. "
The United fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig.

I hear Man UTD fans are preparing another "19" banner.    .... For how many touches they had vs Barcelona    Ha

Liverpool sign Lionel Messi

News flash Jamie Carragher has been arrested by Scotland Yard for questioning about the fact the he had 50 million pounds in his back pocket all afternoon.... (Torres`s first game against liverpool in a pensioners shirt

Nice one

One day wayne rooney was walking through san siro to watch the match between real madrid and ac milan when he came across a giant submarine with a logo that says ugly twat on the real madrid sub bench. He asked jose mourinho is cristiano ronaldo playing mourinho replied he's the only sub on the sub bench!

Which football players can help you cross bridges:
Canu, Wayne Bridge
And the nevilles
Why the neville brothers cause there both planks

A man united fan goes to see a doctor about a problem she has....
When she arrives at the doctors she helps herself to a seat and waits for her name to be called.
The Secretary then calls her name and says Alex Ferguson the Doctor will see you now....
She goes in and hops on the doctors bed and the doctor says whats the matter miss Alex Ferguson and she replies by saying, Every time I open my legs I hear a chant glory glory man united and the doctor replies oh yeah I heard a lot of c***s singing that

A man meets a friend and sees that his friend's car is a total write-off and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt and blood. He asks his friend,
"What's happened to your car? "
"Well, " the friend responses, "I ran over garry neville".
"ok, " says the man, "that explains the blood.... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt? "
"Well, he tried to escape through the park. "

Manchester United's dressing room minutes before kick off in the derby;

"Right I want 110% effort from the word go against this blue sh1t. Remember the bastards did us on the anniversary of Munich. If you don't win, those cockney fkers at Chelsea will have 6 points on us. Now I don't care if you kick, punch or head-* your way to victory, you must win this. Good luck. "

Then Sir Alex walks in and says, "Thanks ref, I'll take it from here. "

A man was walking down a street in the centre of Liverpool and saw a Rotweiler attacking an old lady. He immediately ran over to the dog and started to struggle in which he sustained many bites, but he eventually he got his hands around the dog's neck and strangled it until it was dead. A passing reporter commented: that was f*****g fantastic how you saved that old dears life!, I have to write a story about this, how about the headline - Liverpool FC fan saves granny's life? ,
"I'm not a Liverpool fan" replied the bloke.
"well how about Everton fan saves granny's life"? Said the reporter.
"I'm not a Everton fan either" said our hero,
" I'm from Manchester".
"Never mind I know just the headline, you read the paper tomorrow" said the reporter.
The man picks up the paper the following day to read the headline - MANC bastard kills family PET!

I love Messi but this is just too funny not to share.
________________________


Messi went on a date with a girl

When they arrived at her home, the girl had to get ready for sex. So she went to the bathroom....

When the girl came back, she was shocked to see two naked men standing next to Messi. And she asked hysterically "WHO THE F*CK ARE THEY? "

Messi gets ashamed and says "Sorry but I can't perform without Xavi and Iniesta!"

A Spurs Fan, a Manchester United fan and a Liverpool fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.... The Spurs fan insists that he is the most loyal and he yells, "this is for Tottenham!"and jumps off the mountain. Not to be out done, the Liverpool fan next professes his love for his team. He screams, "this is for the Liverbirds and pushes the Manchester United fan off the mountain

f**k" is the only word which can be used to express many feelings

Revenge: f**k you

Failure: I'm f****d

Anxiety: What the f**k is happening

Anger: Get the f**k out of here

Curious: How the f**k did you do that

Love: She is f*****g beautiful

Lust: Aah f**k me baby

Pride: I am a f*****g genius

Victory: I won that f*****g competition

Sad: Why the f**k does this happen to me

Confused: What the f**k

Sports: Who are the f**k is Manchester United.

By this time you will be thinking this is 1 f*****g great status ;D