Forums / Liverpool
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Jokes And Some Casual Banter, No String Attached!
[account-removed] 3 years ago




Sometimes a pictures says more than words :P
PeterzeGooner (Arsenal) 3 years ago
YO THAT PIC looks gay...
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Ahahahah this is mint.... Wish someone in the pic would give Rooney a KICK
DrTruth (Manchester United) 3 years ago
God dammit they always manage to get Rooney in these types of photos Lol
Mustakrakish696 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Q. Name 3 football clubs with swear words in them.    A. Arsenal, Scunthorpe, and f****** manu
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
A Liverpool fan and a ManU fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.
"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the Scouse "I agree" replies the United fan
The Scouse then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.
"Look" he says to the united fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"
He hands the bottle over to the United fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the Liverpool fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.
"Aren't you having any? " asks the United fan. "No" replied the Liverpool fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here. "
Gunning4Glory (Arsenal) 3 years ago
Haha, good one
LyverBird (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Lol
Georgio (Bayern München) 3 years ago
Beauuuuutiful
Vaishnav (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Nice
Lfcfever22 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Hahaha literally laughed out loud...
LORDETHAN1997 (Liverpool) 2 years ago
Nice
Fernandez (Liverpool) 3 years ago
What did Lampard do when he won the Champions League?  Turned off his PlayStation 3
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
ArsenalForever8 (Arsenal) 3 years ago
Haha I like that one!
LORDETHAN1997 (Liverpool) 2 years ago
Nice one
Fernandez (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Do you guys mind if I put in some jokes about Liverpool FC?
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Mmmmmm!Mmmmmm!Mmmmmmm!
KOPforeva (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Hmmm as long as its funny and not insultin should be ok I feel
Gunning4Glory (Arsenal) 3 years ago
Rafa benitez....    
Fernandez (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Is that a yes or no?
Gunning4Glory (Arsenal) 3 years ago
I'd take it as a yes, someone has below
Vaishnav (Liverpool) 3 years ago
About torres should be better lol
Ant (Liverpool) 3 years ago
IT: Good morning, IT Helpdesk. Can I help you?
Customer: Yes, hello. I seem to have lost access to the net
It: OK. Let’s see if we can sort this out for you. Firstly let me take your name
Customer: Fernando Torres
Mustakrakish696 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Owned
Tobes (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Good one Ant! I didn't get it at first, I thought you left out the second half, quickly got it 2nd time around.
That sorry fool is the punch-line of so many jokes at the moment
Viper (Manchester United) 3 years ago
You're calling someone else a fool after you didn't get that simple joke first time? Oh the irony.
Tobes (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Thanks viper, great spotting there, compelling and rich!
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Hahaha
Tobes (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Former team mate Pepe Reina was light-heartedly teasing Fernando Torres about his goal drought at new club Chelsea when Fernando decided to pull a gun on him.
Torres said, as he drew his gun, "Carry on and I'll shoot. "
Pepe said, "Yeah, wait you want to aim it down a bit, over.... Over a bit more, this way, I'm here in front of the big net. "
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
I saw Cristiano Ronaldo in town today.
I said, "Can you sign my shirt? "
He said, "Have you got a pen? "
I said, "s**t, no. Hang on".
With that I threw myself on the floor, rolled over theatrically and began to cry.
He said, "How's that going to get a pen? "
I said, "Well that's how you f*cking do it"
___________________________________________________

Man United have signed a new striker from Nigeria.

On his first day of training, Fergie picked up the ball and said 'ball' then pointed at the goal and said 'Goal. Then he demonstrated a kicking motion and said 'Kick' understand, 'Kick ball, goal, goooooaaaalll!'

Eventually the young African plucks up courage to say "Excuse me Mr Ferguson but I speak very good English", to which Fergie replies ' Sit down son, I'm talking to Berbatov. '
___________________________________________________

Women's football would be a lot more popular if they renamed it "22 girls 1 cup"
DrTruth (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Lol the Man UTD one was pretty funny
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Jokes on Liverpool, courtesy of 'Threkstari' - an Arsenal fan.
Here you go:

At least Liverpool can now concentrate on the Europa Lea.... The Premier Leag.... Their families.

___________________________________________________

Liverpool: Hi lads, how much for Carroll?
Newcastle: 35 million, lol! Just kiddi....
Liverpool: Done
___________________________________________________

BTW can somebody please notify Liverpool that, along with their lack of imagination, the correct grammar is 'A field', not 'An field'. Thanks.
RocknRolla (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q. What's the similarity between a £1 note and Liverpool FC?

A. Neither have been of any use in England for decades, and both are f*cking useless in Europe.
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q: What's is the differance between Pamela Anderson and the Liverpool goal?  A: Pam's only got two tits in front of her
Zosoholeh (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Oooohhhh nice one
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an intelligent Liverpool supporter and an old drunk are walking down the street together when simultaneously they each spot a fifty quid note. Who gets it?
A: The old drunk, of course - the other 3 are mythical creatures
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Q: How can you tell a level headed Liverpool supporter?  A: He dribbles from both sides of his mouth - at the same time
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
After reading this I felt obliged. At the end of the day its fun isn't it?
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
That's all you got?
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
At a recent Liverpool-Everton derby, Rafa Benitez goes into the Liverpool changing room to find all his teammates looking a bit glum. "What’s up? ” he asks.

“Well, we’re having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it’s important but it’s only Everton and we can’t be bothered, we always beat them”.

Rafa looks at them and says, “Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub. ”

So Rafa goes out to play for the Reds by himself and the rest of the Liverpool team go off for a few beers. After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the television on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads “Liverpool 1 - Everton 0 (Benitez 10 minutes). ” He is beating Everton all by himself!

Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers “It must be full time now, let’s see how he got on. ” They put the teletext on. “Result from Anfield: Liverpool 1 (Benitez 10 minutes) - Everton 1 (Cahill 89 minutes). ”

They can’t believe it; he has single-handedly gotten a draw! They rush back to Anfield to congratulate him. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands. He refuses to look at them. He says, “I’ve let you down, I’ve let you down. ”

“Don’t be daft, you got a draw, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very very end!” the players say.

To which Rafa replies: “No, No, I have, I’ve let you down… I got sent off after 12 minutes”
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
A man arrives at the gates of heaven, where St. Peter greets him and says: "Before I can let you enter I must ask you what you have done in your life that was particularly good. "

The man racks his brains for a few minutes and then admits to St Peter that he hasn't done anything particularly good in his life.

"Well, " says St Peter, "have you done anything particularly brave in your life? "

"Yes, I have, " replies the man proudly.

St Peter asks the man to give an account of his bravery.

So the man explains, "I was refereeing this important match between Liverpool and Manchester United at Anfield. The score was 0-0 and there was only one more minute of play to go in the second half when I awarded a penalty against Liverpool at the Kop end. "

"Yes, " responded St Peter, "I agree that was a real act of bravery. Can you perhaps tell me when this took place? "

"Certainly, " the man replied, "about three minutes ago. "
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
^Is that a joke on Everton? If if it's not.... Then I didn't get it.  Someone s'plain please.
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Double-post
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Lol that's a bit better, second joke is pretty funny
Ant (Liverpool) 3 years ago
I liked the one about Alex Ferguson finding the $50 note
KNVBKOP (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Well played Ant, well played
JestaYNWA (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Yes, nicely done Ant. In a strange twist, that is arguably the cleverest and funniest thing i've seen in this thread, lol.
KOPforeva (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Lol @ kazeus.... Half of your jokes are copied.... And @ ant good one bro
Zosoholeh (Liverpool) 3 years ago
All in good fun lads. Good jokes
Kazeus (Manchester United) 3 years ago
Naah mate I copied them all.      Ant if you referring to the joke from the first page then I got to say it is the meanest lol
Fernandez (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Q: What ship has never docked at Liverpool?    A: The Premiership!
PeterzeGooner (Arsenal) 3 years ago
Hahaha.... That's pretty good.... Like the creativity
WildChild (Barcelona) 3 years ago
Found this on craigslist:


Mehranutd (Manchester United) 3 years ago
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Lol good post Wildchild
Teja7 (Liverpool) 3 years ago
LOL I've seen this before.... But gets funnier and funnier errytime I see it.
Georgio (Bayern München) 3 years ago
Soo screwed up lmaooo  
[account-removed] 3 years ago
That's funny as !
KOPforeva (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Worried about her son, Torres's mum sends him to a careers adviser. All goes well until he asks: 'What are your goals? '    
KOPforeva (Liverpool) 3 years ago
My girlfriend is a huge chelsea fan, so I got her a blank DVD Titled "Fernando Torres, Chelsea goals"
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Nice one KOP
Tobes (Liverpool) 3 years ago
Q) What is the difference between a cactus and a busload of manshyster united fans?    A) On a cactus all the pricks are on the outside !



   
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