Forums / The Terrace: Casual Footy Banter
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Screw FIFA, Vote For Your Favourite Player Instead!
Jeroen (Barcelona) 1 year ago
The FIFA Ballon d'Or trophy is getting closer again, and instead of letting idiots from newspapers, biased captains and coaches do the voting, do it yourself! This is where you can vote or make a stand for a player you think deserves an individual award. Make up a trophy and say who you think deserves it. People can reply to your post with arguments why they agree with you, or why they disagree and think another player deserves it.

To be serious or not to be serious, that's the question. Both are fine for me. Let the award ceremony begin!
Jeroen (Barcelona) 1 year ago
I'll kick off with my award: the Cunning Fox. This award is given to the player who corrupts the game most and deserves no less than an individual trophy for it.




My vote goes to Lionel Messi. He appears to be a gentle, warm-hearted kid from Argentina with great skills and an ability to score and create goals that seems superhuman. And that is exactly when it dawned on me: he is not human. I've been looking for proof and I'm positive I have it after years of collecting data. His abilities have been described as 'Godlike', 'superhuman' and 'out of this world'. And this could not be closer to the truth. I've recently discovered undisputable proof that God is a Barça fan and that Lionel Messi is just another of His creatures to mock all others with supreme skill, for God's entertainment.

Here you see an image of God wearing a Barça jersey:



This picture was presumably taken in the 1500s. The quality of the photo is poor, but this is understandable as the picture is well over 600 years old. It is, however, still clearly visible God is wearing a shirt that is almost identical to the Barcelona shirt. However, since we cannot determine the colours exactly, it could be a shirt of a team also sponsored by unicef with similar stripes. And a Barcelona-like logo on it.

This is why I need further proof. And I found it. In the Pyrenees, in the valley of Mount Tibidabo near Barcelona, I unearthed this stone tablet that shows Jesus Himself playing in what appears to be a Barcelona outfit, literally flying past the Madrid defenders of 2000 years ago.



This further proves my claim that God is a big football fan, and especially likes mocking human players by creating players with Godlike ability.

But my best piece of evidence is one I only recently found. Not by excavating distant valleys or analyzing long lost books and scrutinizing pictures. No, I found it sitting in the exhibition space of a market stall in the great city of Istanbul. Right there in front of me, was this clear piece of evidence I've been looking for for so long: the proof of proofs, the epitome of my career in archaeology that spans at least several hours. It was an ancient mosaic that depicted Jesus Christ in what was clearly a garment or robe of sorts from FC Barcelona.




So, there you have it. Proof that Messi is indeed the Messiah, and therefore a total fraud, who should not be allowed to play a sport intended for normal human beings. It's just not fair. And this is why I nominate him for the Cunning Fox award. For he hath deceived billions
LumpOfCelery (Chelsea) 1 year ago
Hahahahaha Brilliant, Take a bow J
LumpOfCelery (Chelsea) 1 year ago
Also, anyone that want's dispute Jeroen theory by stating 'Photoshop', think; Was photoshop invented when that painting was made? Didn't think SO!
Matt (Footytube Staff) 1 year ago
My award is the 'Freak or Unique'

And this year it goes to Mario Balotelli. In an age of meida trained clones all pumping out the same lines in interviews and living sterile lives with pr controlled twitter accounts it is refreshing to have a player who steps out of this world and just shouts 'Hey look at me I'm as mad as a bag of Squirrels'.

Here are but a few of his antics.

1. Balotelli visited a women's prison in Brescia with his brother Enock just to see what it was like

2. Balotelli was taken on a tour of the area around Naples by alleged members of Camorra, the mafia crime gang that inspired the book and subsequent film Gomorrah.

3. Balotelli wore a Milan shirt on Italian TV while playing for Inter.

4. Balotelli flooded Manchester City's dressing room by leaving the taps on in the ice baths after a game against Wolves.

5. Balotelli had his Maserati impounded over 20 times and racked up parking fines of around £10,000

6. Balotelli gave £1,000 to a homeless man after winning £25,000 on a night out at a casino with Blackburn's Christopher Samba.

7. Balotelli picked up a truant and drove him back to the school to sort out the problem between the boy and the pupil who had been bullying him.

8. Balotelli was disciplined for throwing darts out of a window at Manchester City's youth team players because he was bored.

9. Balotelli dressed as Father Christmas and handed out money to passers-by in Manchester city centre.

10. Balotelli described Manchester as being "not up to my taste".

And this is merely scratching the surface of the mans antics.

Who can forgot the 'bib' incident.




And his fashion sense.




Well done Mario for giving us a giggle, we salute you
TheBarcaShow (Footytube Staff) 1 year ago
The bib gets me every time. It is just so funny when you know its not just you who has that problem
MancYank (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Oh man, stop - my stomach hurts from laughing! He is definitely "atypical". I am willing to bet that you would never be bored going out on the town with Super Mario. Reminds me of Gazza in that he is a total clown, but can turn on the brilliance when he feels like it
Northgreen (AC Milan) 1 year ago
Can't compete with Balotelli.  The award should be the special one and we got a message to you Mourinho, take notes. This one is truly special.
Peteko 1 year ago
Two months later, this is still a great post.  Hahahahahaha.  There's only Balotelli, one Balotelli....
UWMike (Borussia Dortmund) 1 year ago
The 'Zinedine Zidane Brutality Memorial Trophy' goes to the player displaying the most spectacular use of on-field violence in a professional fixture. Everyone remembers Zidane's legendary headbutt to the chest of Marco Materazzi in the 2006 World Cup final and it is in that spirit that this year's award is given to Joey Barton.

Despite Barton having previously referred to himself as a 'pacifist', it was something else that he unleashed in the final match of the EPL season. After being shown a red card for a fantastic elbow to the face of Carlos Tevez, he proceeded to kick Sergio Aguero and attempt to headbutt Vincent Kompany on his way off the field. Absolutely Brilliant! This reduced QPR to ten men and gave Manchester City the advantage they needed to eventually win the game and thus secure the title. Past instances of violence involving Barton are well documented and this particular incident was only the cherry on the cake of his reputation in all its violent glory.

Past winners include Jermaine Jones and Nigel de Jong among others
Badge (Manchester United) 1 year ago
"Reports say that Pepe stormed out of the hall when he heard that the prestigious Zinedine Zidane Brutality Memorial Trophy went to Barton, and not to him.
During his interviews a day later, the Portuguese Center Back openly criticized the organization for being biased and for making the wrong decision.
"I know it's just an award, but I can't help but being upset about this decision. I feel like I got robbed. ", he said. "For the past few years, I have consistently been the most brutal player in the world. Elbows, kicks to the face and back, stamping on my opponents' hands, you name it. I've done it all. And as professional as I may be, having to sit there and watch Barton, who elbows like a sissy by the way, walk on stage and being congratulated by Zidane himself was too much to handle. "
The Real Madrid player has since then refused to train with the squad as a sign of protest, saying that he wants to join his teammate and fellow countryman Cristiano Ronaldo, and be "unhappy" with him. "

- Goal.com
Malik (Barcelona) 1 year ago
Rubin (Inter Milan) 1 year ago
Lmao Badge, I loved your reply
Rubin (Inter Milan) 1 year ago
Double post
MancYank (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Vinnie Jones just tweeted that he's gonna' crush some balls if he doesn't have a trophy on his doorstep tomorrow morning
Osfp7 (Olympiakos Piraeus) 1 year ago
And this is how it should look like






UWMike (Borussia Dortmund) 1 year ago
LOL That would actually be an amazing trophy
Rubin (Inter Milan) 1 year ago
And The Most Dazzling Dive award, ladies and gentlemen, goes to....
[drum roll]
....Luis Suarez's celebration in the latest match between Liverpool and their city rivals, Everton. This special moment is shown in the image below.




When Suarez climbed up to the stage to receive the award, he said with a big smile on his face: "I'm absolutely speechless! This was one of my most memorable dives and I'm very happy to receive this special award, today."

After the award ceremony, Suarez also got an invitation from coach Tabarez to join Uruguay's national diving team. He gladly accepted the invitation and promised he would work very hard to win a gold medal in Brazil, where the Olympics will be held in 2016.

....

On a serious note, I love Suarez and I think he's a terrific football player, although I hate it when he goes down after the slightest touch. He's without a doubt Liverpool's best player and definitely one of the best players in the Premier League. I just hope to see him score even more dazzling goals, like the one against Newcastle this weekend.
MancYank (Manchester United) 1 year ago
9. 5 - He lacked a little symmetry on the landing. Overall, a great effort. Obviously the product of intense training and practice
Rubin (Inter Milan) 1 year ago
Haha, good observation
MancYank (Manchester United) 1 year ago

Best " Talk To The Hand" Award. Clattenburg was quoted as saying, " Better get outta' my grill, or I'm gonna' slap your bitch ass with this here red card!" Valencia simply replied, " Yo no hablo inglés, idiota. "
Rubin (Inter Milan) 1 year ago
Lmao, hilarious
MancYank (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Ahmadpak (Real Madrid) 1 year ago
Mourinho for best celebration  When ronaldo won it against city
Scottishguy (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Ronaldo
Scottishguy (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Oi
[account-removed] 9 months ago



   
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