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BluFFmaster's Football Poems
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 8 months ago
17 - Leicester city are Champions! (5/5/16)

Mark Schwarzer is a two time PL champion, what a hit!
Is that John Terry changing into a full Leicester City kit?

Hazard has two title winning goals under his belt, that's groovy
He also just booked his cameo role in the Leicester City movie

Some fans say the most stupid things like they were just drunk from the pub
Stuff like "fans should only be able to get joy from their own football club"

Well you know what, I think we have all come to terms that Chelsea suck
But we'r still gonna' laugh cause you were leading 2 nil and you spursed it up

Spurs players chatted s**t and got banged all day
A few of their players to receive lengthy bans by the FA

Costa also deserves a ban for another one of his antics that he's mastered
Putting his eyeballs into Moussa Dembele's fingers, that bastard

Even in Spurs best season they'v been eclipsed by what Leicester City have done
All great premier league sides are defined by trophies, of which Spurs have none

Till then we can continue enjoying Arsenal fans' anger
Even their football is getting dull under Arsene Wenger

Chelsea crushed both Liverpool and Spurs's title dreams ambitions and evolution
Actually that might be a tad harsh, I shouldn't undermine Gerrard's contribution

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
16 - Weekend Review Poem (8/31/15)

Shocker at the Bridge
Who says that place is boring?
What was the huge upset?
Falcao actually started scoring

Pardiola's Crystal Palace gave the blues absolute hell
After that game I bet Stones waved his transfer request farewell
From champions to chumpions, the blues continued their rough spell
Who says I only make poems when Chelsea does well?

The mood in the stadium changed more often than a group of lodgers
I kept wishing Mourinho would take off his mask and reveal he was Brendan Rogers

Jose 3rd seasons are usually filled with sorrow and drown
Whenever Ivanovic starts, Chelsea fans heads are down

Wenger must’ve been thrilled at the result as his team had beaten Newcastle away
I bet he called Jose and asked him "who is the specialist in failure today? "

Without the help of a linesman, Liverpool couldn't really amaze
West Ham have a bad record at Anfield, they haven't won their in 2 days

Good performance by Swansea, against a side that doesn't appease
The best things in life are free, Andre Ayew agrees

Is that a lion, who is trying to protect its cubs?
No its Gomis's celebration, its how he picks up girls at nightclubs

I think United need to spend some money and make more bids
Moyes did not die for this, but United's flowing football sure did

For Liverpool, Sterling scoring really took the piss
And Sagna's cross was something you wouldn't want to miss
Lots of upsets that many clubs would like to dismiss
But Arsenal fans be like, I need more weekends like this

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
15 - Benitez's Diet, Vampire=Suarez, Ashes and Pedro POEM! (8/26/15)

Everton once again acting tough and not letting Stones go into the cold
But like the vampire on the red side of Merseyside he too will be sold

And if us landing Stones is still in doubt
We could just contact Ed Woodward to help us out

From a football perspective I was impressed with Firminho, quite the star
From a hairstyle perspective he looks like a poor man's Neymar

Mignolet's time wasting was driving Arsenal fans loony
His first touch from the ball boy was better than any from Wayne Rooney

Arsenal got a goal disallowed because the linesman was looking away
Like Toure when he passed to Nasri as they made Everton pay

Chelsea finally won at the Hawthorns but not without casualties
Mourinho struggling with the P's? Pedro sure disagrees

Chelsea's defence remains leakier than a fishing net
But Terry's red did have one good reason to not get upset

It enabled him to get down to the Oval for the Ashes presentation
And take part in another trophy ceremony cause that's his tradition

For Chelsea's second goal Diego must have run about 100 meters
As Ivanovic continues to make average players look like world beaters

United getting criticized for playing poorly after all of their acquisition
But I'm sure we'll see a new United when plan be comes back from suspension

Madrid started the season with a nil nil that was slightly grim
Under new manager Benitez, that's an unusual result for him

Cause normally he's so attacking and a genius in unlocking defensive bricks
With a diet that's actually worse than Cristiano Ronaldo's free kicks

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
14 - End of the 14/15 Season Poem (May 27)

Gerrard's last match is one that will be remembered forever
Letting Crouch and Adam go may not have been that clever

How good were The Potters, it’s as if their inner beast awoke
But the question now is can they do it on a wet night in Stoke?

The post season has already delivered some wows
Ancelotti was sacked, I bet that raised some eyebrows

The BPL also had many wow moments that were quite fitting
Like Phil Jones's crawling being faster than Giroud sprinting

What about Cesc's 18 assists and Kane's 30 plus goal spree
Or Chelsea Everton's crazy thriller and Spurs beating the blues 5-3

Arsenal's revenge against Liverpool where Sanchez was speedy
Or Gerrard's champions league free kick which was trademark Stevie
Adam's goal or QPR getting relegated because they were very sh*tty
Southampton slaughtering Sunderland and Utd actually beating City

Costa crimes, campaigns and cocaine news articles waiting at your door
Forget cocaine Jake, it's the booze that'll hurt your Livermore

Liverpool fans editing their Sterling shirts by taking out the Sterl
As they prepare for his inevitable departure and Ings's arrival

Sunderland have a big dick, but do they know how to use it?
Gerrard with the most unfortunate ending for a captain since the Titanic?

Can Mourinho have a 3rd season where the club doesn't go backwards?
Can Spurs finally rid themselves of their Europa League anchors?

Van Gaal has been far more entertaining than his actual team have been
But United's next season is where the success needs to begin

Super Frank bowed with a trademark goal and Juventus won another scudetti
Finishing 2nd place with a golden boot and glove is not too bad for City

So who is the bigger c*nt? The English FA or Sepp Blatter....
Ronaldo scoring another hattrick.... Right when it doesn't matter

But Ronaldo won the pichichi and Messi won the league, everyone's happy
Vermaelen winning a potential treble from the beach? That's catchy

With Carlo gone, who will be next to sit on the Madrid throne
I hope Perez knows that John Carver isn't venturing far from the phone

They better act quickly because Big Sam won't be available forever
Rafa may also be available lol, Oh s**t he’s actually a legit contender

Footymasta (Manchester United) 1 year ago
Lol man that's pretty funny, the phil jones bit had me in stitches
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
13 - Chelsea win the Premier League (May 04)

On Sunday Chelsea matamatatickly secured the premier league crown
Its seems years ending in five are quite good for the blue town

From our first top flight title in 1955
To our next one in 2005
To becoming champions in 2015
To 1905 bieng the year we came alive

The team that's been top since August won the league, suitable
We may not be invincible but we certainly were immovable

Cesc and Costa formed a partnership that was pretty scary
More scary then watching a game with Micheal Owen's commentary

I welcome all rival fans to join us on our open bus parade
And don't worry the bus won't be parked I know the charade
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
12 - Week-In Review Poem (April 12)

Man City came 2 Old Trafford 4 nothing
As United are looking more robust then the Hyundai Sonata
The third goal might have been offside
But to united fans it doesn't Mata

I don't think Pellegrini could a 4-2 lose today
When Carrick emptied his pockets he found his keys and Yaya Toure

Scrappy game at Loftus Road with Fabremask completing the mission
As Terry gloated against the club that nearly sent him to prison
I kind of feel for Bacary Sagna and not cause he's in the opposition
Cause no matter what club he's at 4th place is his permanent position

3rd mistake from keepers that benefit Chelsea and cause rivals to become unhealthy
I am starting to think that there might be a campaign.... For Chelsea?

Back to the Manchester Derby where United crush City and shift the title balance
But its well and good beating the lesser teams, lets just wait till they go to Palace

Arsenal put down a feisty fouling Burnley to gain 3 points yesterday
Burnley's fouls were worse viewing than that movie 50 shades of grey

But they are a spirted side with tons of heart who are seamlessly clicking
And by tons of heart I obviously mean a lot of shin kicking

Back to Arsenal's impressive victory which they could'v easily Coqued
Instead they showed similarities to the Invincibles and how they fought

Huge props Mata and Coquelin the half a season standout performers
With that win Saint Totteringham's Day is just around the corner

Speaking of Spurs who themselves had a decent outing against the master tactician
As they take the lead in the race on who can avoid a europa league position

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
12 - Week-In Review Poem (April 6)

Is Sterling the next star or another Adam Johnson cast-a-way?
In terms of the latter I think he isn't but I’ll inform the authorities anyway

After the Arsenal Liverpool match I 4-1 am shocked
For once in his life Raheem Sterling got Coq blocked

Liverpool missed Skrtel's stamp of authority on the pitch
Which is worse? Navas's crosses or that pass by Markovic

Arsenal is the best team to watch right now on the telly
Its crazy how Bellerin has more goals than Mario Balotelli

The Tyne-Wear Derby certainly didn't appeal to many civilians
With 89 minutes 59 seconds of dross and 1 second of brilliance

I don't know why defenders try to wind up Costa and give him unrest
They should just make him sprint and let his hamstrings do the rest

Is Hazard the next force to be seen on this globe?
He can dribble and find a yard of space in a packed wardrobe

Can't believe City are now in 4th
Its mind blowing on so many layers
I'm starting to think that they bought
A few too many Arsenal players

From Pep Guardiola to Alan Pardiola as Palace crush another team's title dream
They are more annoying than sites that tell you to turn off ad block to view their stream

And how can we go on without talking about Ronaldo
Without his mention this poem will feel so hollow

"The greatest player in the world" I say with utmost relief
Its a shame his career high at Barcelona & Inter was so brief

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
11 - Week-In Review Poem (March 5)

On a night where it wasn't all safe and sound
All top 8 teams had won to everyone's astound
Ashley young opened his mouth and no bird poop was found
He also made headlines that didn't involve him going to the ground

Tim Krul recorded more last minute heroics as United strike
Which Ashley do United thank more.... Young or Mike?

I liked Ashley Young's post match interview where he had this to unfurl
"People are always going to question the biggest club in the world"

Then I thought, what have Real Madrid got to do with any of this?
75% of the earth is covered by water the rest is covered by Hugo Lloris

Speaking of Lloris, De Gea could break a new record that could cause some intrigue
He could go on and become the first individual to qualify for the Champions League

Back to Spurs where Townsend actually scored by cutting back inside
And even Hazard with his head but he may have been fractionally offside

Speaking of Chelsea, how awfull were those white and gold third kits
Not as awfull as how that defender felt when Özil destroyed him to bits

The way Liverpool are playing, teams coming to Anfield will start bringing vaseline
Imagine if Liverpool had an average start, a top 2 finish wouldn't have been unforeseen

From Steven Gerrard to Jordan Henderson
Its like it was always meant to have been

Soon we'll be hearing a new 'captain fantastic' ryhme on the radio
Forget Bend it like Beckham, how about Curl it like Coutinho?
Sergio 1 year ago
Awesome stuff
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
10 - Week-In Review Poem (February 27)

All the hate on Wenger from the Monaco defeat is unwarranted
I think he pulled a masterstroke that wasn't well documented

He avoided unnecessary distractions like the champions league competition
To focus more on qualifying for this season's top 4 expedition

Messitup Ozil is not causing many terrors
Schoolboys are making arsenal errors

Salah has gone back to the "destroyer of London clubs" tag
Soldado messed up a chance that you wouldn't in FIFA even if you had lag

Superb penalties were on the order when Liverpool and Besiktas met
Istanbul brings fond memories for Liverpool, not so much now I bet
The night went wrong when Lovern's spot kick hit the roof of the net
Only this net was somewhere in Bulgaria making this a night to forget

So as Liverpool fans feel slightly less excited
Swans fans will love the fact that they did the double over Manchester United

RVP seems to have lost the mojo that made him special overall
Maybe the little boy inside him never played long ball?

United fans ask if 3 months have passed as their clock slowly ticks
Courtois was the only one capable of handling ashley barnes's kicks

Chelsea sign with tire company Yokohama as they reach an endorsement
As if Chelsea and the 'park the bus' joke needed extra reinforcement
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
9 - Week-In Review Poem (February 20)

One reason many never took to cricket was because they didn't enjoy its long hours theme
What I say to them is that they should start following the one day english cricket team

Chelsea continue to frustrate pundits and robbie savage who think chelsea will throw the kitchen sink
Actually I shouldn’t include robbie savage into a category of people that think

If what bayern or madrid play is considered good football I think chelsea are doing ok
With the first round of games being a tad dire hopefully the 2nd brings some solid play

Olivier giroud is starting to prove why he is one of a kind as he continually shines
As luiz threatens to expose diego's real age and wipes out free kick lines

West ham and allardyce are in need of a lift after the west brom dispatch
What better place to go for this than Spurs after a europa league match

Is jordan ibe literally speeding and beating others to a Balon d'Or?
Between balotelli, henderson and sturridge who would be your pen taking matador?

Henderson was all set to take it when balotelli intervened and left henderson at a blow
Maybe mario shouldn't have done it but it's hard to respect really stupid orders though

Kudos to henderson for walking away and not making a fuss like they do in preschool
And what about that FA cup draw, I always knew Roy was good for Liverpool
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 2 years ago
8 - Valentine's Day Special Poem (February 14)

Wenger to Arsenal fans
Roses are red
You're sweet like honey
I'd lavish you with players
But I love saving money

Moyes to Kagawa or AVB to Adebayor
Roses are red
You get on my nerves
And so i'v decided
To move you to the reserves

Abramovich to Mourinho
Roses are red
But that point was moot
If you f**k up again
I'll give you the boot

Referees to Rodgers
Roses are red
And so is this towel over my lens
This is for Liverpool
A bouquet of pens

Referees to Pellegrini
Roses are red
You may be boring
But keep filling our pockets
And those offside calls we'll keep ignoring
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 years ago
7 - Champions League Fallout Poem (November 8)

Could Chelsea bounce back after the Newcastle mess
You bet they could, infact Chelsea looked Etto faboulous

Lemondowski bitter; Arsenal squeeze victory and stun
Pique gave a gift to Milan and I don't mean his son

City's eagle ate canaries for breakfast and horses for lunch
Aguero and Negredo scoring for fun and becoming quite a bunch

Van Persie refused to convert any penalties won by Ashley Young #Respect
The man from Spurs's medical department begins to show his skills and intellect

Great goal from Bale, a low rocket of a shot with tons of intensity
Almost as low as Madrid's tendancy to not give away penalties

Hazard wasn't in the squad, "why was he left out" crossed our thoughts
Was it because he was poor last game, injured or simply had the coughs
Turned out he just missed his train, all those media whores must've been at a loss
But damn, I wish when I missed my train my boss would give me the day off

So Arsenal proved many wrong by beating Dortmund in thier backyard, getting some payback
But lets relax and not get ahead of ourselves, Arsenal still haven't played the 1974 Ajax

Apparently Dortmund is a mid-table team as some pundits would say
Naa, a mid-table team is the one Arsenal are playing on Sunday

In all seriousness, United will be up for this one and look to give a beating
Don't forget Arsenal have only manged to beat United once out of 11 meetings

But this talk about the gunners not being contenders is pretty damn unfair
It seems rudimentary intelligence is too big a test for some of these pundits out there
Miniature1313 (Juventus) 3 years ago
Very nice. Keep it up
[account-removed] 3 years ago
Very creative
10Katie (Arsenal) 3 years ago

We love your poems and would love you to be in our pilot, called 'On the Game'

Please could you get in touch with me so we can talk about it further.

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 years ago
Alright, I haven't done one of these bad boys in a very long time, it started out as small little hobby way back in March 2012, but its gotten bigger and better (hopefully) as we'v come along
6 - POEM from the Champions League Week (October 25)

Guess who's back, back again
He started against the German side, Torres, Torres
Within the first few minutes he scored, Torres, Torres
Bane came up and flicked his head
To nod the ball to Torres who sped
Fernando Torres, that's his butter and bread
Overall, Schalke didn't cause us too much disturbance
Impressed with Cech's saves and Hazard's resurgence
Great performance, producing some fine counter attacks
In his current form, Oscar could give a whale a piggyback
Or eat a bowl of nuts and bolts as a light snack
The guy is just as lethal going forward as he is tracking back
United beat the groups weakest team to excel
And no I don't mean that they beat themselves
Looking into the United game il share a few points if possible
They had sloppy passing and thier fininshing was unwatchable
People predicting they won't finish inside the top 4, remarkable
Kinda reminds you of another team doesn't it? Yup, Arsenal
Ofcourse this year, Arsenal are on quite a roll and are a real threat
I'm actually serious this time and not trying to troll.... Yet
They played the 2nd best side in the world and lost
No shame in that but they will be tad crössed
Lewandowski had a virtual tap in as he was left unmarked and all alone
Cause Sagna was at the other end, in a deckchair, watching Breaking Bad on his iPhone.
That result leaves the group in a pretty hellacious and deadly space
666, the number of the beast, this group will be an exciting race
Arsenal are definatly in contention for that first or second place
The group will be tighter than Ronaldo's hand gripping his 'injured' face
I loved the way he went to Pepe like he was some kind of doctor
Why can't you be like your friend the classy slippery tax dogder
Its a shame too cause that incident drew attention away from his fanstastic first goal
Personally though, i'd prefer Zlatan in the world cup cause he's more entertaining as a whole
His 3rd goal was nearly out of this world and deserves some bravos
If it weren't for that net, the ball would'v been lost in the cosmos
We have City on the weekend, make sure you attend
BluFF is back, tell a friend
GreatScot (Rangers)(Footytube Staff) 3 years ago
Very nice Bluff keep em coming mate!
Binaya (Chelsea) 3 years ago
This is third time I read this poem. Great

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