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BluFFmaster's Football Poems
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 2 months ago
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14 - End of the 14/15 Season Poem (May 27)
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Gerrard's last match is one that will be remembered forever
Letting Crouch and Adam go may not have been that clever

How good were The Potters, it’s as if their inner beast awoke
But the question now is can they do it on a wet night in Stoke?

The post season has already delivered some wows
Ancelotti was sacked, I bet that raised some eyebrows

The BPL also had many wow moments that were quite fitting
Like Phil Jones's crawling being faster than Giroud sprinting

What about Cesc's 18 assists and Kane's 30 plus goal spree
Or Chelsea Everton's crazy thriller and Spurs beating the blues 5-3

Arsenal's revenge against Liverpool where Sanchez was speedy
Or Gerrard's champions league free kick which was trademark Stevie
Adam's goal or QPR getting relegated because they were very sh*tty
Southampton slaughtering Sunderland and Utd actually beating City

Costa crimes, campaigns and cocaine news articles waiting at your door
Forget cocaine Jake, it's the booze that'll hurt your Livermore

Liverpool fans editing their Sterling shirts by taking out the Sterl
As they prepare for his inevitable departure and Ings's arrival

Sunderland have a big dick, but do they know how to use it?
Gerrard with the most unfortunate ending for a captain since the Titanic?

Can Mourinho have a 3rd season where the club doesn't go backwards?
Can Spurs finally rid themselves of their Europa League anchors?

Van Gaal has been far more entertaining than his actual team have been
But United's next season is where the success needs to begin

Super Frank bowed with a trademark goal and Juventus won another scudetti
Finishing 2nd place with a golden boot and glove is not too bad for City

So who is the bigger c*nt? The English FA or Sepp Blatter....
Ronaldo scoring another hattrick.... Right when it doesn't matter

But Ronaldo won the pichichi and Messi won the league, everyone's happy
Vermaelen winning a potential treble from the beach? That's catchy

With Carlo gone, who will be next to sit on the Madrid throne
I hope Perez knows that John Carver isn't venturing far from the phone

They better act quickly because Big Sam won't be available forever
Rafa may also be available lol, Oh s**t he’s actually a legit contender

Footymasta (Manchester United) 1 month ago
Lol man that's pretty funny, the phil jones bit had me in stitches
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 2 months ago
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13 - Chelsea win the Premier League (May 04)
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On Sunday Chelsea matamatatickly secured the premier league crown
Its seems years ending in five are quite good for the blue town

From our first top flight title in 1955
To our next one in 2005
To becoming champions in 2015
To 1905 bieng the year we came alive

The team that's been top since August won the league, suitable
We may not be invincible but we certainly were immovable

Cesc and Costa formed a partnership that was pretty scary
More scary then watching a game with Micheal Owen's commentary

I welcome all rival fans to join us on our open bus parade
And don't worry the bus won't be parked I know the charade
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 months ago
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12 - Week-In Review Poem (April 12)
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Man City came 2 Old Trafford 4 nothing
As United are looking more robust then the Hyundai Sonata
The third goal might have been offside
But to united fans it doesn't Mata

I don't think Pellegrini could a 4-2 lose today
When Carrick emptied his pockets he found his keys and Yaya Toure

Scrappy game at Loftus Road with Fabremask completing the mission
As Terry gloated against the club that nearly sent him to prison
I kind of feel for Bacary Sagna and not cause he's in the opposition
Cause no matter what club he's at 4th place is his permanent position

3rd mistake from keepers that benefit Chelsea and cause rivals to become unhealthy
I am starting to think that there might be a campaign.... For Chelsea?

Back to the Manchester Derby where United crush City and shift the title balance
But its well and good beating the lesser teams, lets just wait till they go to Palace

Arsenal put down a feisty fouling Burnley to gain 3 points yesterday
Burnley's fouls were worse viewing than that movie 50 shades of grey

But they are a spirted side with tons of heart who are seamlessly clicking
And by tons of heart I obviously mean a lot of shin kicking

Back to Arsenal's impressive victory which they could'v easily Coqued
Instead they showed similarities to the Invincibles and how they fought

Huge props Mata and Coquelin the half a season standout performers
With that win Saint Totteringham's Day is just around the corner

Speaking of Spurs who themselves had a decent outing against the master tactician
As they take the lead in the race on who can avoid a europa league position

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 3 months ago
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12 - Week-In Review Poem (April 6)
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Is Sterling the next star or another Adam Johnson cast-a-way?
In terms of the latter I think he isn't but I’ll inform the authorities anyway

After the Arsenal Liverpool match I 4-1 am shocked
For once in his life Raheem Sterling got Coq blocked

Liverpool missed Skrtel's stamp of authority on the pitch
Which is worse? Navas's crosses or that pass by Markovic

Arsenal is the best team to watch right now on the telly
Its crazy how Bellerin has more goals than Mario Balotelli

The Tyne-Wear Derby certainly didn't appeal to many civilians
With 89 minutes 59 seconds of dross and 1 second of brilliance

I don't know why defenders try to wind up Costa and give him unrest
They should just make him sprint and let his hamstrings do the rest

Is Hazard the next force to be seen on this globe?
He can dribble and find a yard of space in a packed wardrobe

Can't believe City are now in 4th
Its mind blowing on so many layers
I'm starting to think that they bought
A few too many Arsenal players

From Pep Guardiola to Alan Pardiola as Palace crush another team's title dream
They are more annoying than sites that tell you to turn off ad block to view their stream

And how can we go on without talking about Ronaldo
Without his mention this poem will feel so hollow

"The greatest player in the world" I say with utmost relief
Its a shame his career high at Barcelona & Inter was so brief

BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 months ago
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11 - Week-In Review Poem (March 5)
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On a night where it wasn't all safe and sound
All top 8 teams had won to everyone's astound
Ashley young opened his mouth and no bird poop was found
He also made headlines that didn't involve him going to the ground

Tim Krul recorded more last minute heroics as United strike
Which Ashley do United thank more.... Young or Mike?

I liked Ashley Young's post match interview where he had this to unfurl
"People are always going to question the biggest club in the world"

Then I thought, what have Real Madrid got to do with any of this?
75% of the earth is covered by water the rest is covered by Hugo Lloris

Speaking of Lloris, De Gea could break a new record that could cause some intrigue
He could go on and become the first individual to qualify for the Champions League

Back to Spurs where Townsend actually scored by cutting back inside
And even Hazard with his head but he may have been fractionally offside

Speaking of Chelsea, how awfull were those white and gold third kits
Not as awfull as how that defender felt when Özil destroyed him to bits

The way Liverpool are playing, teams coming to Anfield will start bringing vaseline
Imagine if Liverpool had an average start, a top 2 finish wouldn't have been unforeseen

From Steven Gerrard to Jordan Henderson
Its like it was always meant to have been

Soon we'll be hearing a new 'captain fantastic' ryhme on the radio
Forget Bend it like Beckham, how about Curl it like Coutinho?
Sergio (Footytube Moderator) 5 months ago
Awesome stuff
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 4 months ago
Cheers
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 5 months ago
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10 - Week-In Review Poem (February 27)
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All the hate on Wenger from the Monaco defeat is unwarranted
I think he pulled a masterstroke that wasn't well documented

He avoided unnecessary distractions like the champions league competition
To focus more on qualifying for this season's top 4 expedition

Messitup Ozil is not causing many terrors
Schoolboys are making arsenal errors

Salah has gone back to the "destroyer of London clubs" tag
Soldado messed up a chance that you wouldn't in FIFA even if you had lag

Superb penalties were on the order when Liverpool and Besiktas met
Istanbul brings fond memories for Liverpool, not so much now I bet
The night went wrong when Lovern's spot kick hit the roof of the net
Only this net was somewhere in Bulgaria making this a night to forget

So as Liverpool fans feel slightly less excited
Swans fans will love the fact that they did the double over Manchester United

RVP seems to have lost the mojo that made him special overall
Maybe the little boy inside him never played long ball?

United fans ask if 3 months have passed as their clock slowly ticks
Courtois was the only one capable of handling ashley barnes's kicks

Chelsea sign with tire company Yokohama as they reach an endorsement
As if Chelsea and the 'park the bus' joke needed extra reinforcement
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 5 months ago
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9 - Week-In Review Poem (February 20)
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One reason many never took to cricket was because they didn't enjoy its long hours theme
What I say to them is that they should start following the one day english cricket team

Chelsea continue to frustrate pundits and robbie savage who think chelsea will throw the kitchen sink
Actually I shouldn’t include robbie savage into a category of people that think

If what bayern or madrid play is considered good football I think chelsea are doing ok
With the first round of games being a tad dire hopefully the 2nd brings some solid play

Olivier giroud is starting to prove why he is one of a kind as he continually shines
As luiz threatens to expose diego's real age and wipes out free kick lines

West ham and allardyce are in need of a lift after the west brom dispatch
What better place to go for this than Spurs after a europa league match

Is jordan ibe literally speeding and beating others to a Balon d'Or?
Between balotelli, henderson and sturridge who would be your pen taking matador?

Henderson was all set to take it when balotelli intervened and left henderson at a blow
Maybe mario shouldn't have done it but it's hard to respect really stupid orders though

Kudos to henderson for walking away and not making a fuss like they do in preschool
And what about that FA cup draw, I always knew Roy was good for Liverpool
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
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8 - Valentine's Day Special Poem (February 14)
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Wenger to Arsenal fans
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Roses are red
You're sweet like honey
I'd lavish you with players
But I love saving money

Moyes to Kagawa or AVB to Adebayor
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Roses are red
You get on my nerves
And so i'v decided
To move you to the reserves

Abramovich to Mourinho
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Roses are red
But that point was moot
If you f**k up again
I'll give you the boot

Referees to Rodgers
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Roses are red
And so is this towel over my lens
This is for Liverpool
A bouquet of pens

Referees to Pellegrini
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Roses are red
You may be boring
But keep filling our pockets
And those offside calls we'll keep ignoring
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
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7 - Champions League Fallout Poem (November 8)
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Could Chelsea bounce back after the Newcastle mess
You bet they could, infact Chelsea looked Etto faboulous

Lemondowski bitter; Arsenal squeeze victory and stun
Pique gave a gift to Milan and I don't mean his son

City's eagle ate canaries for breakfast and horses for lunch
Aguero and Negredo scoring for fun and becoming quite a bunch

Van Persie refused to convert any penalties won by Ashley Young #Respect
The man from Spurs's medical department begins to show his skills and intellect

Great goal from Bale, a low rocket of a shot with tons of intensity
Almost as low as Madrid's tendancy to not give away penalties

Hazard wasn't in the squad, "why was he left out" crossed our thoughts
Was it because he was poor last game, injured or simply had the coughs
Turned out he just missed his train, all those media whores must've been at a loss
But damn, I wish when I missed my train my boss would give me the day off

So Arsenal proved many wrong by beating Dortmund in thier backyard, getting some payback
But lets relax and not get ahead of ourselves, Arsenal still haven't played the 1974 Ajax

Apparently Dortmund is a mid-table team as some pundits would say
Naa, a mid-table team is the one Arsenal are playing on Sunday

In all seriousness, United will be up for this one and look to give a beating
Don't forget Arsenal have only manged to beat United once out of 11 meetings

But this talk about the gunners not being contenders is pretty damn unfair
It seems rudimentary intelligence is too big a test for some of these pundits out there
Miniature1313 (Juventus) 1 year ago
Very nice. Keep it up
[account-removed] 1 year ago
Very creative
10Katie (Arsenal) 1 year ago
Bluffmaster,

We love your poems and would love you to be in our pilot, called 'On the Game'

Please could you get in touch with me so we can talk about it further.

Thanks

Katie@the10group.co.uk
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 1 year ago
Alright, I haven't done one of these bad boys in a very long time, it started out as small little hobby way back in March 2012, but its gotten bigger and better (hopefully) as we'v come along
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6 - POEM from the Champions League Week (October 25)
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Guess who's back, back again
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He started against the German side, Torres, Torres
Within the first few minutes he scored, Torres, Torres
Bane came up and flicked his head
To nod the ball to Torres who sped
Fernando Torres, that's his butter and bread
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Overall, Schalke didn't cause us too much disturbance
Impressed with Cech's saves and Hazard's resurgence
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Great performance, producing some fine counter attacks
In his current form, Oscar could give a whale a piggyback
Or eat a bowl of nuts and bolts as a light snack
The guy is just as lethal going forward as he is tracking back
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United beat the groups weakest team to excel
And no I don't mean that they beat themselves
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Looking into the United game il share a few points if possible
They had sloppy passing and thier fininshing was unwatchable
People predicting they won't finish inside the top 4, remarkable
Kinda reminds you of another team doesn't it? Yup, Arsenal
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Ofcourse this year, Arsenal are on quite a roll and are a real threat
I'm actually serious this time and not trying to troll.... Yet
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They played the 2nd best side in the world and lost
No shame in that but they will be tad crössed
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Lewandowski had a virtual tap in as he was left unmarked and all alone
Cause Sagna was at the other end, in a deckchair, watching Breaking Bad on his iPhone.
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That result leaves the group in a pretty hellacious and deadly space
666, the number of the beast, this group will be an exciting race
Arsenal are definatly in contention for that first or second place
The group will be tighter than Ronaldo's hand gripping his 'injured' face
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I loved the way he went to Pepe like he was some kind of doctor
Why can't you be like your friend the classy slippery tax dogder
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Its a shame too cause that incident drew attention away from his fanstastic first goal
Personally though, i'd prefer Zlatan in the world cup cause he's more entertaining as a whole
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His 3rd goal was nearly out of this world and deserves some bravos
If it weren't for that net, the ball would'v been lost in the cosmos
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We have City on the weekend, make sure you attend
BluFF is back, tell a friend
GreatScot (Rangers)(Footytube Staff) 1 year ago
Very nice Bluff keep em coming mate!
Binaya (Chelsea) 1 year ago
This is third time I read this poem. Great
ManOnDMoon (Manchester City) 2 years ago
Why you don't post them no more
ScouserDan (Liverpool) 2 years ago
You got talent mate, pretty impressed with the poems. Some are pretty damn funny as well
BluFFmaster (Chelsea) 2 years ago
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5 - Premier League Preview Poem (and the ENG game) (Nov 16)
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So England played Sweden in thier new stadium
Its called the friends arena, shiny like radium

The name honours an anti bullying support group, sweeter than summer
After the match finished I certainly hoped Joe Hart had thier number

Europe was going head over heals over Ibra going head over heels
He broke the english hart, who's has been through these kinds of ordeals

Who nose if it will be goal of the year, if it isn't it'd be a shame
Cause he scored a goal that you can't even score in a bloody videogame

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Hughes and Atkins are in the last chance saloon, drinking away like there's no borders
If they can't drown thier sorrows with the next round, will they have given thier last orders?

Another steller weekend comming up, I can tell your excited by the grin above your chin
West Brom welcomes Chelsea, thier fans will be itching for this game to begin
Expect revenge at the Ethihad as City look to crush Villa from within
And ofcourse the managerial death match, both still searching for thier first premier league win

(pause)

Who will start for Utd against Norwich? , Van Persie and Chicharito I reckoned
If you want to make money bet Norwich for the first half, then Utd for the second

West Ham Stoke, I wonder how many times you will see the ball actually drop?
Who will 'stamp' thier authority and come out with thier 'head high' on top

Why are those words 'quoted' you ask? , just read the next line to uncover
Well Stoke do the first one, and West Ham's whole philosophy is the other

City were rumoured to be interested in Suarez, I bet you all know about this
Could you imagine if he did leave, I mean who would his teamates celebrate with?



Onto the big London Derby, Arsenal welcome Spurs
Both sets of fans are a bit unhappy with what has occured

Spurs will be missing Dembele, but Bale's always a storm
And don't forget that Arsenal have a striker in very good form

In the last 4 meetings at the Emrites, there has been 23 goals scored
Have a feeling that if Villas Boas loses he will be massivly roared

You have a world class keeper AVB, why is he playing second fiddle to an old nutt?
Should be an open game and one that Arsenal should try and not go 2 nil up

GL



   
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